What age did you come out?

Question

i hate hiding this being gay thing a secret. i have real homophobic parents but i just need to tell them. so i want to know if it's not so personal.. what age did you guys come out at, if you have? How did your parents/family/friends react? did it get better? I'm sorry if i'm getting too personal. i just want to know so i can have a better understanding of how it will prolly be.

Answer 1

I didn't come out until I was 24 and then my parents died shortly after so I never really came out to them...I came out to the world when all my friends were dying of aids (I stopped counting at 50) and realized that in order to make a difference I had to change.
That's it. That's the truth.

Answer 2

There are very good answers here. We're in the same boat, I'm still in the closet as well due to my conservative and traditional family, plus my sister and her family are born-again christians so I'm kinda avoiding the whole preaching thing. I have this fear that my family will disown me once they know. I guess that's always the case for gay/lez people who are still in the closet.

In your case, I suggest that u should be ready to accept the consequences of coming out. Your family may not accept u at first but maybe eventually they will. Or maybe they will accept u right there and then... Who knows? People have different reactions to sensitive topics like this so be prepared to say what u need to say. Perhaps practice what u have to say a lot of times or write it down if you're hesitant and just read from there. It's up to you... Also make sure that it's the right time and the right place... I guess u can feel it if it is.

I know there are a lot of resources out there to read (library, internet, etc) so u can muster up the courage to come out. I've read a few at the library but up to now, I'm still not ready to do it, maybe someday when the time is right. Good luck and best wishes to whatever u decide. Cheers and Peace! ;o)

Answer 3

I came out at age 22 , I had met someone that I really wanted in my life . We were moving in together and I wanted my family to know he was part of my life . We have a big family picnic for labor day every year , the whole family comes and the singles bring their significant others as well as friends . When everyone had their food and things quieted down I stood up and said I had an announcement to make , I ask my lover to stand up and I introduced him to everyone and I said this is my lover , I am gay . Everyone was quiet for a few seconds , my dad stood up and then my mom then my brothers and they all said I love you gave us hugs and kisses . I didn't know what to expect so I was happy to see that they all supported me . Things were better and have remained good for myself and my family . There are always those that will ridicule and mock you talk behind your back , you just have to ignore that and concentrate on the love the others show you . Eveyones situation is different and unique , so telling you that eveything will ok is just not possible , but you have a good feeling for your family and friends so do what is in your heart . Best of luck .

Answer 4

I came out when I was 15, but now I'm 18 and I haven't come out to everybody yet. Mostly just some of my friends. But I also feel that not everybody needs to know if I'm gay. But if you want to be honest to your parents then come out. And remind them that even though your gay. That should change the way they look at you because you are still the son they raised. And that you would really appreciate their support.

Answer 5

I came out to certain friends at different times, starting when I was 18 or 19 to my best friend who I was in love with. I feel very lucky that I haven't had any bad reactions from friends about my sexuality.
I didn't come out to my parents until years later though (I was 29) because I was so scared of their reaction. By then they knew anyway since I hadn't had a boyfriend since I was 16, but it was so good to finally be open about it! Their reaction really really surprised me, they were incredibly supportive, so I felt kind of stupid for being scared of coming out for so long.
If you know your parents are homophobic, treat coming out very carefully. I'm not suggesting you keep hiding it forever, but if you are really scared of their reaction, before you come out it would be a good idea if you were independent of them (I have no idea how old you are). Make sure you have the support of at least one good friend to help you through, just in case they react badly. But remember, even if they do yell and scream and cry and generally freak out, most parents do eventually learn to accept their gay child, even if they don't understand it. You need to help them understand that to be truly happy, you must follow your heart.
I wish you all the luck in the world.... and I hope your parents surprise you like mine did :)

Answer 6

I told my first friend at 15. My mom asked me when I was 16. I told my dad when I was 17, and then more and more friends until I was fully out by 19. Everyone's situation is different. You have to assess what is right for you. It helps if you have friends to talk to about it and support you. If no one knows then you might want to start with a friend before you share it with your parents. It's likely your friend already has it figured out and is just waiting for you to say something. Most of my friends said they knew already. And I was never a nellie queen or anything. Just a regular guy. It's scary, yes, but afterwards life gets SO much better! :) Good luck!!

Answer 7

I came out slowly over time to a few friends starting when I was about 19 but never really told a whole lot of people. Over the next couple of years I became much more confident about who I was and told all of my close friends when I was 22. A few months after I told my parents because I knew I had the support of my friends, most of whom knew before I even told them. My parents reacted much cooler than I thought they did...it's not something we really talk about and I think they already knew before I said anything, too, but they didn't react negatively or anything--but I know that's not how it goes for everyone.

Answer 8

I grew up in a Southern Baptist house, I tried to come out at 13 and they didn't/wouldn't believe. A lot of prayer and VERY mean things were said by my parents (you are going to hell, you are going to die from AIDS, yada yada yada) So at 16 I had sex with a guy on their bed, my mom caught me and I was abruptly kicked out. I have lived on my own since, I had to quit high school and go to work and move in with my 18 yo bf and his parents. Long story short while it wasn't all that easy at first I am 28 now, a college graduate, have a great relationship with my mother (tell her everything) and live a fairly decent life. I am NEVER ashamed of who I am and until you break free of that shame you will never understand the freedom that lies on the other side.... Good luck.

Answer 9

Sweet Sixteen, my parents were not very happy especially because I'm bisexual and not gay or hetero this really confused them. My parents have seen decided that I make this conscience decision to switch back and forth between my sexual orientation. But I am what I have always been a bisexual.... Today years and years later my parents are extremely supportive and I spend all of the holidays with my parents and partner.

Answer 10

I was forced out. My girlfriend showed up at my sweet 16 party because we were pissed off at each other. She got down on her knees and started singing. (Just kill me now, I prayed)

It's not easy. If you know your parents are going to have a big problem with this... first make sure that you are mentally ready to do this. Have no doubts and a feeling that you will not regret anything that you are going to say. Come with knowing you may not leave out of the conversation with hugs or kisses.

Make sure to take care of YOU first above anything else. I did not have this choice. My mother went crazy man. She went to them darn classes for parents with gay teens and crap. I was so out done!! She told everyone and I was so not ready for all that,,,

Have YOU ready and then focus on everyone else.