Is this a good reason to split up?

Question

My fiance and I have been together 3 years. We have an 18 month old son. The other night my fiance's friends called me telling me that I'm too controlling and my fiance needs to leave me and my son, and called me other names because my fiance couldn't go to a kegger with them. (they were all really drunk) I told my fiance that he needed to tell them to apologize, or he can't be friends with them. He keeps telling me that it's not a big deal because they were drunk. But I beg to differ. I told him that if he still wants to be friends with them and can't stick up for me, then we can't be together. (This isn't the only time they've come between us.) I can't handle it anymore, and now I've decided to end things.

By the way, this isn't our only problem. This is just my last straw. It seems to me that he's choosing to not hurt his friends feelings, and would rather hurt mine.

Answer 1

Read your last line......................... you will find the answer

Answer 2

Yep, your right. Lesson #1: You can't EVER tell a guy to pick between you and his friends...you'll always lose even if they are losers! Find a guy who is past the whole "kegger" scene and find someone who'll be a good role model for you kid. If you want to get his attention, stop controlling his life and let him be who he is and move on. A man will NEVER want you until he sees that you can move on without him and take great care of your son with out his help. Pack your stuff and run. He's got a LOT of growing up to do before he can even think about being a dad. Men will always listen to their friends (even the ones telling them to jump off the cliff) its like a "hanging on to high school days" kinda thing. Don't ever worry about what his friends think either!!!! You being responsible just makes them look more stupid than they already are and they will never like you for that alone!!!!!! Teach this guy a lesson in the real world. I bet he'll come crawling back in a few short weeks/months however long you let him suffer.

Answer 3

I read your paragraph description and I am left with the belief that there is definitely a problem with your relationship, but it is not about the drunken friends. They may be the most recent source of frustration and annoyance, but even without them....it just seems like something important is missing between you and your fiance. Your fiance knows of your anger and disapproval. He should be keenly aware at this time that his friends are driving a wedge between you and he. But he has failed to satisfactorily soothe your ill feelings and develop a plan that shows that he is truly concerned about how the others are treating you. I don't think it's necessary for me (for example) to know any more about the friends or your fiance, because the situation as it is right now is rife with red flags that warn that a marriage is not likely to improve on anything, but rather further enslave you in a relationship that you're already not achieving sufficient support in.

Answer 4

yes it is a good reason to leave. Do you want your son to grow up disrespecting you and women in general? It is not cool for your fiance to discount your feelings. If you think you are stuck now just wait until you have his last name. If you have doubt now then don't marry him. Everybody saying this is not a good reason to break up with him doesn't see the lack of respect he has for you. Respect is a major thing in a relationship and if I am not mistaken there are other problems in your relationship. You seem like a smart girl who is at the end of her rope. You know deep down what you must do, what does your gut tell you? We can't tell you what to do but only reassure what you already know. So what do you feel deep down?

Answer 5

Even though his friends are ignorant, you can't really tell him who he can and cannot hang out with. I completly understand why you are so upset. I think that your fiance should have told his friends that they were way out of line in saying the things they did to you. You also have to look at it that he isn't letting his friends control him, if he was he would take their advice and leave you. I would be very upset, but I don't think I'd scrap a three year relationship over it.

Answer 6

Well, you know how inmature guys can be. However, they were drunk. The most important thing is does he think you are controlling? If he doesn't who cares what his friends think. It's him who counts right? Going to a keg party without you isn' t a good idea but, not worth breaking up over. Especially since you have a child together. Work it out. Nothing is that bad.

Answer 7

I bet ur fiance is really torn right now, but he should defend u. Just remember he's not the one who called u names and he can't be held responsible for his friends. Although he isn't responsible for their actions u still have a son, and if he cares about his family then he should tell his friends that they are poor friends if they don't support him and who he loves. He should probably tell them it is selfish for them to insult his son's mother just because he couldn't go join them to become drunk fools as they were.

Answer 8

If you and him were only dating, I'll tell you to lighten up. However, as a fiance, you are supposed to come first - before all others. He needs to grow a backbone, order his friend to apologize and get his priorities straight.

I'll be honest ... your brief story is a foreboding sign of the man you're about to marry. You might want to give this more thought before signing on the dotted line. It rarely ever gets better.

Good luck.

Answer 9

oh hon, my heart goes out to you, it's nice when men can be men and tell their friends to bugger off every now and then when necessary, but you are engaged and have been together for three years that's a while, so you must have known what his friends were like, not saying that you are suppose to take crap but do you think it's fair to tell him to give up his friends, how long have they been friends? what have they gone through together? and have you really examine the drunken ramblings and check to see if there is some merit to them? i think you both need to sit and reasonably, without issuing ultimatums talk about it and come to some understanding, three years is a hell of a lot to throw away over some dumb guys anyhow. but all the best

Answer 10

If he has mixed priorities and puts his friends over his family, he's too immature still to be in a relationship. You and your son can do fine without him until he decides to grow up. Sorry you find yourself in this situation. He's got great qualities that you admired, but you are a worthy person too, with equally celebration-worthy qualities. He needs to understand that you are trying to draw out the best in him, and you want him to draw out the best in you. After he sets you as a priority over his friends, you'll both find that you've made better friends (they don't sound like a bunch of winners) and you're both happier.

Answer 11

Don't get mad at you fiances friends obviously he has told them this. If he doesn't stick up for you now he won't if you marry him. Then ask yourself if you are his woman of his mom, he shouldn't need your permission to go out with his friends. If you feel he puts them before you and the child you already know you should not be with him.