I had an arranged marriage recently but I still love my boyfriend and he still loves me. What should I do?

Question

My boyfriend and I were together for a little over a year; everything was beautiful, we hoped to get married in the future. I'm muslim so my parents arranged my marriage with a guy I met when I was little. This happ. in Bangladesh. I was gone for 2 months, couldn't call my bf cuz of the distance and wasn't able to tell him the situation. While I was there I started to have my doubts of whether my bf really loved me but this was cuz I wasnt talking to him and couldnt see him. I thought maybe he found another girl while I was gone for so long. I spent time with my husband, he's a nice guy, he's liked me for like 10 years. I still thought of my bf thought cuz I love him. My parents/family all extremely pressured me to say yes to my husband. My father is very ill, he has a weak heart. When I told him I didn't want to get married, (I begged my parents too) my dad had a stroke.So I agreed to save my dad and please my family. I came back to the US and my bf and I still love eachother.

Answer 1

Very sad story ... very sorry to hear you sound like you feel regrets. That's the worst feelign to have.

However, you are now married, and as you say, your husband is a 'nice guy' who has liked you for a long time. You can't have one foot in both worlds. You have to make a choice - one man or another. Ultimately, your parents will pass on, and it will be you and your life to live. Who do you want to live with, to have children with, grow old with? You have to decide.

You've made choices and you have some responsibility to your husband and family now. You can't just pretend you don't have that commitment. Either honor it, or come clean and make the change. Just don't leave everyone thinking you are on "their side" when you're really on neither.

Sorry if it sounds 'preachy' - that's not my intention. I just hope you don't set yourself up for greater heartbreak by avoiding making your choice and standing by it. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Did you marry this guy because of concern for your family or because you didn't think your boyfriend loved you anymore? It seems more like the former than the latter. If that's the case, then I don't see how the situation has really changed. If you got divorced, it would still be a shock to your parents. Your situation really sucks, but I can't comprehend that you were not able to speak to your boyfriend for 2 months since there are so many possible modes of communication - messaging, email, phone cards, etc. Whatever you decide, by no means should you cheat on your current husband though, he's an innocent party in this situation.

Answer 3

I can only say that I feel sad your culture still doesn't allow people to pursue their own happiness. Maybe someday, when enough generations are willing to force a change, things will be different. I know it's more than simply saying you should do what you want. Going against these cultural traditions can have tragic results within a family. You honored your families wishes, but that doesn't mean you can't help work towards changes so girls in future generations may have the freedom to chose who they love...not who the family chooses for them. A lot of it boils down to showing equal respect for the woman herself.

In some ways it's pretty hard to argue the point here in the U.S. where everyone has choices, yet so many marriages fail. As with most things..the answer lies somewhere in the middle.

Answer 4

I thought in Muslim culture you could be killed or beat for this stuff,not trying to offend anyone don't claim to know tons but i thought I read they had very strict policies on women or maybe that's just how it is represented in the media.Also if you got married in another country and you are a us citizen then I don't believe the marriage counts,I suggest you tell your husband how you feel,tell your family,and your bf how you feel.Let everyone say what they need to say and then decide what you want,what you feel,and who you want to be with and then be with that person.I have a question for you though how old in your culture are most girls put into arranged marriages?

Answer 5

I'm sadden by your story as a lot of people go through those things in the modern world. There is no easy fix to your situation and i do hope that what ever decision you take, just make sure it is the right one for you.

You mention of your father having a weak heart and you didn't want the death of him being on your conscience which i can understand.

Only you can make the right choice for you as this is not an easy situation to be in as you loved your boyfriend.

Answer 6

Oh Anesha, To be youthful and inlove..... ahhh You obviously knew the traditions of your relatives from day one, yet you allowed your self to bypass outside your mum and dad' needs and "secretly" date this youthful guy. You knew this prepared marriage ought to ensue sometime, and sometime has come. those days human beings get married older right here contained in the rustic. purely out of school, and no interest? you're 21, no longer executed with college both... you're acceptable, the position ought to you bypass???? family individuals is each and everything. you ought to really sit and imagine very complicated in this remember. do you want to alienate your relatives. this practice is powerful, and also you're going to be the first to break it. taking position that course is an extremely lonely position. sometime you'll favor your mum and dad by employing your part.... on your wedding ceremony day, on the beginning of your children, etc. Do you fairly favor to throw them to the wayside??? this popular love seems very strong. youthful love continually does. It can also fade as quick and as strong because it got here. imagine of the custom and values of your relatives and make an as individual determination as you could in this remember. judgements comprise consequences. Are you as a lot as paying the end results of dropping your relatives? Meet the more youthful guy they chosen for you..... Who knows??? Rose

Answer 7

I am muslime too. but my parents cant fosse me to marry someone I dont love... getting mariid. its not esy .. u need to know the guy first ... but ur parents know more then u.. I been In this before.. but my parents was right.. I did love this guy.. in fact I met this guy like a month then I felt in love with him... I though he was just right for me...he came home to talk to my parents to marry me ... my parent agree.. they just ask him for time but he didint want to wait.. in fact he didint had legel saty in here... so he didint agree and he get mad ... I did love him and I still love him but he dosent or I dont know.. what happend.. he stop talking to me or answering my phones,,, my emails.... and I just give up ... becouse if he love me he will do what ever it takes....my parent say okay.. they just ask him for time thats it... but peopel tell me he wants a green card not u... well its long story.. enyways... how old are u enyways.... just falow ur family... dont woory about him ... u will love ur husband one day... ur family wants u to be happy..... its okay..

Answer 8

Dont marry someone you don't love, especially when you are in love with someone else. Try to talk to you folks, but really dispite what they want, follow what you want. This is your life. Don't get stuck marrying a stranger when you could be happy with someone else.

Answer 9

well,that hurts however you try to tell that arrange bf that you really wanted to get free of any responsiblty that knocks you a lot. it might give you extra account on

Answer 10

follow your heart