How do you tell your friend she is babying her 3 year old and treats your child unfairly?

Question

I have a friend who has 2 kids. 1is 9& 1 is 3 . She doesn't make her 3 year old share with other kids ( my kid especially) but makes others share with her kid. Her 3 year old kicks and hits but she makes excuses like she is tired and that is why she does it but if the other kids do it back she flips out. How do you tell your friend she needs to correct her own child. I fell like I am constantly yelling at mine b/c I would rather my kid leave her alone than to have my friend yell at my kids for things her kid is doing. She still thinks she is 1 and doesn't treat her like she is 3. My daughter is only 10 months older than her but she thinks my kid should be acting like ( her older kid who is 9) It doesn't matter what i say, she finds a way to justify what she is doing. Her kid does no wrong. She doesn't treat her 9 year old the way she treats her 3 year old either. she is beyond strict with her. How can I explain she is being unfair without being a protective mommy! and beating her!

I want to also add that i know by all means my child isn't perfect and i correct my child all the time. But as i will repeat her child does the same things mine and other do and she makes excuses for her childs behavior instead of correcting it. Even when it comes to toys. If there are 3 toys in the room and 3 kids. You would imagine they would all get a toy. but her child will hold all of them at once and after someone saying something to her she will give up one. but this leaves one kid out. Her mom doesn't make her share. Its even getting to the point where her child will cry when the kids come near so her mom will come running, and she still doesn't make her share and her child will laugh at the other kids and it's like she thinks it's cute. When the kids are at my house they all share no matter what. i know no child is perfect and I have 3. But I do beleive in being fair and not favoring my own children when they are playing with others. They have to share & treat others w-respect

Answer 1

If you want her to remain your friend, you don't.

Each parent chooses how to raise their child, and almost *every* parent thinks they could do a better job than the next guy.

Unless you think it's a serious enough problem to need intervention from the authorities, limit your child's exposure and bite your tongue. You certainly can talk with her about your child-rearing philosophy in general, and the parenting of others, but nothing gets a mom's back up quicker than criticizing her parenting, even if you are 100% right. (You probably aren't, though, as there are many ways to raise a happy, healthy child that may be different from your way.)

As to how *your* child must be treated, you do have the right to insist that *you* will discipline her, and no one else may.

Answer 2

Hi
that is not an easy situation,i guess the other mother is a good friend of yours right? Well, i think that you might spend times with "other mothers and kids"
that is easy for me to say, i know, but it sounds like she is really getting on your nerves, and she is not seeing the whole picture.

Maybe if you have a "cooling off" period, and she sees you less and less she will appreciate and reevaluate the situation,

Your kids are just as importand as her kids, and you are tuned in to the situation, and maybe you just have to mentally document every single time you see her over reacting, about other kids, and point out to her that she is not seeing the point,,, and tell her , be specific,,
Three year old, are still selfish, and do not want to share, but they want wverything, so when an older kid doesnt "SHARE" naturally the mommy of the three year old sees the "injustice", YET SHE DOESN'T SEE THAT IT IS TIIME TO start teaching the three year old about sharing, the balance is not even, but this will pass,
You can just be a bigger person, and practice patience, and point out when you are alone with your friend and all the children as sleeping , or elsewhere,that sometimes you feel like the reasoning is a little unfair, but dont make a big deal out of it,, be specific but with tact,,

Beiing a parent is not easy, and maybe your friend sees, things in her own child like she is tired, cranky "because"... ETC, AND it seems logical to her, but to you and others, it is an obvious response to what she does not have a handle o n yet,,
YIKES, I WENT ON AND ON, AND CONFUSED MYSELF A LITTLE,
IF this is a good friend, tread lightly, don';t make waves in your friendship, if unnecessary,, Your kids will grow up real fast and leave you,, but a good friend is forever,,
If it is just a casual acquaintance, then just tell her as it is, on the spot and be "ASSERTIVE", and then in that case, let that mother know, she has tunnel vision , and your kids and you will not be available as often if she demonstrates denial, and poor observations skills.

good luck

Answer 3

I would go off on that person and right then and there the friendship would end. She would back off before I did because when it comes to my kids, I will not back off and I don't care who the person is. She can do what she wants with her own kids, but don't even go there with mine.

Answer 4

find a new child for yours to play with, some mothers think that their child can do no wrong at all, and everyone else is at fault. The only solution is to not have your child play with hers anymore if she asks why, just tell her bluntly, or have them play at your house, where you make the rules.

Answer 5

I would be careful. You're entering dangerous territory. Be honest and heartfelt. You don't won't to lose a friend over this but you have every right to defend your child.