Why is my husband a flirt?

Question

My husband flirts with women...whether it is a friend of ours or someone we may have just met. He flirts when talking and "body gestures"...hands, arms, that sort of thing. He thinks he is just being "nice" and polite but I feel that it is flirting. I'm not jealous but concerned because I try not to flirt when around other men. It does bother me because he does do it in front of me, which I find to be better than doing it when I'm not around. I just don't understand why he does it? Am I wrong to question this?

Answer 1

My wife had this same issue with me. My father is the same way, (faithfully married for over 35 years to my mother). I never even thought I was flirting, in my mind I wasn't; I surely didn't/don't have any motives behind it, and I would never cheat, do anything wrong, even if a gun was at my head. I just couldn't live with myself if I hurt someone that bad.

The fact that your husband is like that, no matter what, says it all. It just goes to show he has a friendly personality and does not have alterior motives. I would think that if a dude was shady, he would hide it around his wife, right?

Honestly, I see all of my close male friends being the same way. They are all married, faithful, intelligent, educated, successful, etc. A few of us, including myself, are in sales. Part of our training and personality is to try to gain our acceptance, make people comfortable, entertain them, get them to talk and make them feel good. It is part of what makes us who we are. Furthermore, it is a very valuable skill that has helped to make some of us very successful in our careers.

To answer your questions: No, it is not wrong to question this. It is completely understandable to question it if you do not understand it, which it seems is what is going on here. Why does he do it? He does it, because it is him. It is part of who he is. He is an outgoing dude that wants to be liked, wants to feel good and make people feel good, and, furthermore, in his mind, he is not flirting, meaning he has no negative motives behind his behavior.

I am guessing this is not something that you just noticed about your husband. I would bet that his outgoing personality is part of what attracted you to him. I hope you are not expecting to change your husbands personality. Personality is just not something that changes. You really don't want to bust him up about it, because, even though it may sound appealing in theory, you don't want him to act like he is walking on eggshells around groups of people and not being himself.

If he is going too far, that is a different story, but your post didn't convey that. I wish you the best. From what you say, it sounds like he is on the up and up. Instead of being upset, be proud that you have a husband with great social skills that people like.

Answer 2

Sometimes men find it difficult to communicate with women on a level other than sexual. Does he have any women friends with whom he does not flirt? If he doesn't then he can't think of any other way to speak to females. He knows that you're there and the situation will go no further than flirting, but it's kind of sad, isn't it? He's probably a little afraid of women and keeping them in the sexual context makes him feel safer. You may have a problem if someone takes him up on his flirting, however. Just a warning -- if a woman reciprocates, he might not know how to stop the situation from escalating and then you'll both get hurt.

Answer 3

Because he is very self centered person and has yet to grow up to see what is really important to him. I guess the only thing you can do is to let him know how much it bothers you. I am not sure that it will make a difference to him but at least you have made your feelings known. There just might come a time you may have to make a big decision. After all if he doesn't care about your feelings then how much could he care about you. Talk is cheap, but actions speak louder than words

Answer 4

Well, I'd tell him about it. Don't hold back.

Now, is he just being charming, or is he flirting with intent?

For example, I know a married woman and I flirt with her all the time. We both know that it's just for fun and nothing is going to happen. (Actually I flirt with several married women. I just keep it respectful. After all they're married. They made a serious commitment, and I honor that.)

So, I suppose that maybe it's way of validating his attractiveness to the opposite sex. A man can feel neutered after being married for a while.

If he strays, then you have a problem.

Answer 5

I had a real charismatic, flirtatious boyfriend once. I actually loved it. He was a really engaging person to all and it was kind of nice. Now I've got one who doesn't flirt with anyone, not even me. I'd take the charismatic one over the non-flirtatious one any day!

Answer 6

He's a man and marriage doesn't change your sexual orientation or cause blindness. Flirting is an involuntary reflex to alot of us. He's not necessarily chasing them, just flirting, but watch closely to make sure he's not a cheater.

Answer 7

The problem is that you wish he was flirting with you. You can't change him and shouldn't want to. Learn to find this side of him to be funny...

Answer 8

men are dogs , its simple as 1 2 3 .my husband is the same way . then when you say something they look at you like you did something wrong. does he give his phone number to different women like my doggish a** husband, if not consider yourself lucky!!

Answer 9

that is tough, i get that way sometimes.i feel like i am being nice, but i realize it hurts my wife too. let him know how you feel. you are not wrong to ask. but you have to trust him until he gives you a reason not to....good luck!!

Answer 10

Maybe you're just a jealous person. Talk to him abou tit. He could not notice it.