Is closure really possible or is it a myth, something nonexistent that we use to comfort ourselves?

Question

Tell me if you achieved it - whatever your loss and how you did or did not achieve some sort of closure. Does one actually ever get over something truly traumatic (rape, death, heartbreak etc...)?

Answer 1

"Closure", as I understand it, is the finality to unfinished business in ourself, such as an unanswered question or act that we feel we should have done. Sometimes the nature of it is of our conscience, sometimes of wishfulness and sometimes of unconscious biological need.

'Getting over something' if I understand what you are describing, is not really done. If we remember, we learn. If it hurts, we may heal. If it is not healing, then we take medicine or block it from consciousness. The shape of our person, our 'self', is made of these wounds and triumphs, victories and defeats, loss's and gains. Which action we choose in response to these unfinished conditions may decide the difference between healing and sickness. Blocking and self control more often impedes or slows and sometimes worsens. Knowing what our body, mind or spirit needs to do and have is what we need. Medicine.

Answer 2

Sure, it's possible. Closure just means you've reached a point at which you no longer need to work on something. How it's done depends on the situation and the person. Some people never get closure on anything because they refuse to face it. That must be a difficult way to live. I think it would be like walking around with a thorn in your foot, telling yourself that there isn't really any thorn. Pulling the thorn out hurts, but you can't heal until you do it.

I've had a number of traumatic events in my life. Some I've gotten past, some I'm still working on. I've also tried the denial route...all that got me was the same pain over again, multiplied by time. Not until I was honest with myself was I ever able to have any sort of closure or recovery.

Answer 3

Closure is really possible, it is a slow process for some, others are more quick to adapt. I have achieved it with courage to make changes in my life's circumstances, and knew the steps would be difficult, but I remained focused on my goal for a better and happier life. I was fortunate enough to meet beautiful and caring people in my community who gave me a lot of support with positive attitudes. I struggled a lot at first, but my physician helped me tremendously and I recovered from many losses. Closure has it's own depth for each individual and to understand all of what that en tales only each author knows within.

Answer 4

I don't know. Sometimes I think I've gotten closure from some of the traumatic events in my life, but they always seem to resurface somehow. Maybe we do get closure, but it's always just temporary. We comfort ourselves with it for a time and then feel the pain again and then go back to the comfort of the closure.

Answer 5

Ginger1: Closure is a lifelong process in which we grieve. The first step is forgiveness. If you can find a way to forgive, not only others, but what you may, irrationally internalize as your own guilt, you will be able to move along. It is true that memories fade with time, and we rid ourselves of the worst of memories. What is left for us is any good that we can find, and we treasure that good.

Answer 6

Well, I don't mean to be picky about it, but it's important to define closure furst. ...
When I think about it, when I use the word "closure" I don't mean full closure as in being totally over something almost like it never happened. To me it means just learning to deal with it enough to be able to still feel some peace in life, to be able to function and to mentally and emotionally incorporate what has happened into my experience as a whole (opposite of denial). I guess in my definition i see "closure" as still even allowing times of sorrow over what has happened. I think that is completely natural.
I miscarried my baby (very wanted baby, very loved) in April of this year. That was an awful experience and a very profound loss for me. Sometimes it's hard for ppl to understand that about miscarriage, but for many women it is an intense loss and very personal- as our babies die inside of us, even though if we could have we would have saved them- how much more personal does that get?
Anyway, there have been stepping stones in my grieving process and each of them has brought me a little more "closure", made room for a little more peace, and helped me to live with and, in a way, accept what has happened. One of those stepping stones was almost two months after my miscarriage, I went back to the radiologists and asked for copies of my only sonogram (at 7 wks when baby looked fine and had a heartbeat). having those pics, being able to see my baby and show it to my huband was one big stepping stone for me. It involved about three days of crying on and off, but i can't even describe the comfort those pics still brought me, despite my sorrow and my grieving over them for the baby I lost.
Another stepping stone for me was naming my baby- Jayden. It just struck me one day that I wanted to name her (I think it was a her, just a gut feeling), even though at first I didn't want to. Naming her brought me more comfort and peace and just felt right- I guess that was a bit of closure too.
It is ongoing... ya know?
I don't think any of us fully "get over" something truly traumatic to us. I don't think it's healthy to try to push an experience out of our lives, even if it was so awful. We have to find a way to accept it as part of our experience and make some room for peace as well.
I'm really sorry this is so long.
-Meg

Answer 7

closure is finding that place within yourself that allows you to let go of a past event and move on.
you don't get over trauma, you simply find a way to let it not be the focus of your present.
One thing I found helpful was to accept that past events are no longer events. they are memories of events. what you are left with is a memory of something that is finished. it is no longer an event.

Answer 8

there is a point that you get to...when you think of your dying mother kissing you for the last time, your make-up ridden tears staining your pillowcase after being raped by your ex-boyfriend...and do not cry. when you get to a mental state of ... it is past, history, and i am not letting it affect me like this anymore. i know it exsists....my mother died. on her deathbed she told me some terrible things. my father molested me. i no longer cringe when i drive past my old house....i have moved on and i am so much different now.

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