Do I have a right to get angry if my husband is writing to exgirlfriends?

Question

A few months ago my husbands college girlfriend contacted him on myspace. This is a girl he lived with for a year and was in love with. They only split up because she went to another college. They wrote back and forth a few times before he told me about it. His excuse was he was not sure what she was going to say and he did not want me to get mad if she still wanted them to be together. I was a bit upset but allowed it to happen and said that he needed to remain honest with me about her intentions. They have been writing for a few months now. Then last week he was contacted by his highschool sweetheart. Yet another girl he spent time with and said I love you to. He found out she has had a few kids and is now divorced, but he did not tell me. I heard him telling his mother about things that were going on in her life. His mother still has a picture of the two of them hanging on her wall and really like that girl., but doesnt really care for me. He says I have no right to be upset. DO I?

Answer 1

You are upset about it so of course you have a right to feel that way. Really what this comes down to, however, is how secure you are in your relationship with him. Do you think he would cheat on you or leave you for one of these women? He is obviously being secretive about his conversations with them. Perhaps you need to have a conversation informing him that you are uncomfortable with his continued talks with them, mostly because he is not telling you about them and ask him how he would like you to approach the issue and remind him how he might feel in your place.

Answer 2

damn straight, you have a right to be upset! I'd be downright PISSED!

He has no right to keep things from you because he thinks you'll be mad. Of course you would get mad if she wanted to get back together with him! He's your husband! You're SUPPOSED to get mad if he's having a relationship (and yes, it's a relationship, even if they're just penpals) with someone who would like to see your marriage end.

You have a right to know who is in your husband's life, whether it's by email or any other means. He's making excuses for his secretive behavior, and trying to make you out to be the bad guy. Don't let him get away with that!!!

Answer 3

You do but, those women want you to get in a fight so you could leave him.Let them know that you know and have no problem with it. He was honest with you isn't that what counts. I am sure he could of done this without you knowing but he told you. If you were uncomfortable with this you should of said something since the beginning. Don't fight over something that you think might happen

Answer 4

I would cut if off right now, one way or the other. He's married to you and she should stay out of your lives and how dare he open the door for her.
I'd tell him to choose right this minute and if he chooses you, he should let you talk to that woman to tell her to move along.
If he chooses her, you haven't lost anything but a hemorrhoid.
If he says he needs time, or he's not sure, then YOU decide and toss his ass out on the street. Maybe she'll pick up his homeless no good ass.

Answer 5

Tell him this makes you uncomfortable. If he really understands, he will stop or try to involve you in the communications and be less secretive to aliviate your suspicions. Try asking him to share about them so you know they arent a threat. If you trust him and nothing is going on, he should have no problems being open. If there is something to worry about, be will be deffencive. Just be careful NOT to ask him to stop talking to them. Its his choice to make and if you ask, he might blame you for the loss of freindship and be upset.

Answer 6

Sweety you have the right to be upset because the sun goes down, or the c o c k crows at 5 am or anything else that is unsettling. ........ anyone that hides conversations with ex's is not trustworthy...and you really oughta evaluate the relationship....may be time for a new adventure of your own.

Answer 7

Unless he's willing to include you in the friendship, there's something not quite right there. I have a male friend or two who reoccur out of my past. I would never see any of them without my husband present, and I'd never as much as email them or talk on the phone with them without mentioning it to my husband.

Answer 8

I'd feel more hurt than upset at your situation. Your mother in law sounds like she's insensitive to your feelings and your husband needs to re-focus on you. Start "dating" again and create some new memories as well as and jog his memory as to why he fell in love and married YOU!! :-) His ex's need to get a life and show some respect toward you - lamers!! I'm so on YOUR side on this one!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

girl, it would bother me. sure. out of respect for you - he should keep the contact at a minimum and let them know why.
i have an ex that i keep in touch with but she knows i have a new love and have no intention of screwing around on her. we talk periodically. live in different states, and my current partner does get a little jeleous. i understand. i get secretly jeleous too when my partners ex lovers come around or call. mostly because they are psycho and have weird boundaries. like they want to borrow the lawn mower or something.... like i cant see right thru that.
but then again i know two of my lovers ex's whom i get along with well and see no reason to question them. they have clearly moved on. its when they dont and are fishing for your husbands attention that its out of line. dont be afraid to speak your mind to him. let him know it bothers you.

Answer 10

yes u have the right to be. tell him it is then if he still disagrees walk out file for divorice then take 50% of everything really show him how it all GOES DOWN!