My hubby,side by side with his family purpously lied about his age-hi's much older; degrees:said he had 3-never had;his past/previous marriege/relationships:said his wife was lesbian-he cheated on his 1st wife,this is why divorced;he had cancer,spend months inthe hospital-he was/still is anorexic. What else could be,what I don't know? How could we build a marrige on lies. His mom still best frien with his ex. When I told him,I'll get answer from his mother,he made his mother turn against me-we don't talk since then. Could not trust him anymore. Should I divorce? can this be fixed ever?
2006-07-10 13:16:24 · 11 answers · asked by mrs.blackship 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I was be so angry if that were my husband, obviously he has a self esteem problem to have to drum up lies to make him sound better.
I would give him one chance and one only (make sure he knows it's his only chance) to fess up to everything, tell you the whole truth and why he did it.
If them you still don't feel any better about it, maybe try a seperation at first to show him your serious and to give you time to think about what to do next.
As to if this can ever be fixed, that is up to you and how forgiving you are after you hear his reasons for doing this. Obviously he does have something to hide tho, or he would not of turned his mother against you.
Have you thought of contacting his ex for a chat? maybe as a last resort?
2006-07-10 13:23:57 · answer #1 · answered by having_a_blonde_day_lol 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't contact the ex because that is really low and no matter what is told to you, it still won't be the right answers or the answers that you want to hear because you're mind is probably already made up. And who's to say that the ex wouldn't lie as well, so deal with it on your own and with the help of loved ones and not a stranger that you don't know. I think a first option would be to do joint counseling and then one on one counseling fora couple of weeks and see how that works. You need to find out why all of the lies and why he doesn't love himself, b/c if he did he wouldn't pretend to be someone other than who he truly is. As a last resort when the anger has worn off and you've tried counseling and only if you aren't willing to forgive and move on from the past and accept him for who he is through thick and thin...the next step would definitely be divorce. Also, keep detailed records (such as a journal) because you made need certain proof if a divorce turns out to be the solution.I'm just assuming that your husband has a serious mental disorder and he needs to have ongoing professional help. If I were in your situation, I'd leave and never look back.
2006-07-10 20:33:13 · answer #2 · answered by rodaerc06 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm recently divorced because of deceit. If you really love this guy, sit him down and ask him what other surprises he has and get him counseling. I'm also a retired cop, make a list of questions you want answered, ask them to him and have him submit to a polygraph with the same questions and answers in hand. (most operators charge about 200-300 bucks for one, and you can usually get some resources from the local Police Dept.)
If he lies again, drop him, if this time around he's honest, maybe he needs help. Sometimes with the possibility of knowing a 'polygraph" is on the table waiting, you'll be surprised how open and honest people are, perhpas you won't need one after all.
If he refuses counseling (and make sure his therrapist know to release the information to you!) say good-bye
2006-07-10 20:29:30 · answer #3 · answered by Mike B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something is really wrong here. If he's lied about so much stuff...what else is he lying to you about? You should talk to him and possibly a marriage counselor too. What ever decision you make, make sure you do it for yourself and not anyone else. In the end your happiness is all that matters.
I'm sorry...that this is happening to you. Just make sure you get some help and try not to be too stressed.
Bad things happen to good people.
2006-07-10 20:28:37 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like a compulsive liar. His family is just enabling him. Get out while you still can!
Did you ever ask him why he lied to you? Why would any of that have made a difference if you knew the truth? Is he lying just for the fun of it or is he delusional? There is no basis for trust there.
2006-07-10 20:26:10 · answer #5 · answered by Sara B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you even need a divorce there is an annullment that can be granted for deceiving you. That way you can say you were never married to him. Go to your courthouse and they can tell you about it. It has to do with not disclosing information when you married. Good Luck
2006-07-10 21:18:40 · answer #6 · answered by Monalisa P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'll never trust him and he'll never change. My sister went through this. Document everything and get an annulment. There are some books on Amazon.
2006-07-10 20:39:24 · answer #7 · answered by Tony T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, come on, get a divorce now! Don't keep reading this, call your lawyer now! What have I just told you? These people are rude, get them off of you.
2006-07-10 20:25:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow do you believe everything you hear? you just accepted all of this with no proof of anything? yes the solution is divorce, hec do you even know his real name? this guy has some serious mental health issues, don't go down with this ship.
2006-07-10 20:24:06 · answer #9 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Run away.....far far away!!!!!! You don't want to get involved (more than you already are) with these kinds of people. Try getting an ANNULMENT reason is Fraud.
2006-07-10 20:32:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋