A while back, a good close female friend of mine just admitted to me that she was a lesbian. I told her that I was cool with it. I told her that I kind of already figured that much out about her. She and I continued to hang out and stuff. Now she just recentlly admitted her true feelings for me. I told her that I did not feel the same towards her and that my ex boyfriend and I were trying to get back together. I want to continue our friendship but now things have changed between us. How can I get my best friend back?
2006-07-10 12:52:10 · 19 answers · asked by SweetCoco 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I agree with gutterrat.... that is some good advice there!
One thing I would like to say, in addition to what gutterrat said, is that I have been in your friend's situation.... I had feelings for my (straight) best friend when I was 18, and eventually confided my feelings to her. Unfortunately, rather than supporting me but making her feelings clear (that she was definitely straight), she told me that if I was a guy we would be the perfect couple, which really messed with my head! Also, when she was drunk she would kiss me and tell me how much she loved me. Needless to say this behaviour didn't make letting go any easier for me.... I was in love with her until I was about 24. Now, I am not suggesting by any means that your behaviour is in any way similar to my friend's, I am only trying to make a point that you need to be brutally honest with your friend so that she can take those really hard steps towards getting over you. Tell her that you love her as a friend only, that you cherish her friendship and miss the friendship that you used to share. Make it really clear that you feel honoured that she confided in you, but that all you can ever be for her is a very close friend. Encourage her to get out and meet other lesbians, and promise to always be there to support her. If she doesn't take it well, and as her pride and her heart is involved she may not, but please don't give up. She is going through an incredibly hard and confusing time, believe me, but a real friend is worth fighting for. Good luck!
2006-07-10 14:15:04 · answer #1 · answered by moo71 2 · 6⤊ 2⤋
She's probably sad, and maybe a little embarassed. She certainly was hoping you could return her feelings, or its likely she wouldn't have told you about them.
Do some small things that show that you've not lost any respect for her, and that you still want to be friends. Call her to go shopping, or something. Not a date kind of thing, but a hang-out kind of thing. If the feelings thing comes up again, tell her that you hurt for her, because she's a friend, and you think you have an idea of how she must feel. Then move on to the next subject.
2006-07-10 14:55:56 · answer #2 · answered by michael941260 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She must really consider you a true friend to tell you first that she is Gay, and second that she has feelings for you.
You handled it perfectly, couldn't have done any better.
Open up to her like she did to you and tell her what you are feeling. Tell her that she has been your friend for many years, and to you that friendship is gold. Tell her that you feel that since your last talk, you feel there is a wall coming between the two of you. Tell her that it is bothering you, and you want things to be the way they were before.
Remember too, that she does have feelings for you and she has just been told that you don't feel the same for her, so be calm, and quiet when you talk to her. Give her some time to sort it out , and then try talking to her again. Explain that you still want to be friends with her and you hope that she can still be friends with you.
2006-07-10 13:09:53 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
from my experience, things will never be the same. You could try and you will still be friends, but NONE of the people I knew before coming out look at me the same way that they did before I came out. And the one that I confessed my feelings for turned into a total ***. Its good that you can still be friends but relationships always change so it was bound to happen anyway.
also, dont use the word 'admit' when youre talking about someone coming out. it sounds more like they were guilty about something and had to admit to it.
2006-07-10 14:05:47 · answer #4 · answered by stevepuff19 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully you can remain friends, but a good friend respects your boundaries. If she continues to push for more than what you want in an emotional or sexual way, then you would probably have to move on. It happens among straight or gay people alike.
2006-07-10 13:29:18 · answer #5 · answered by Cub6265 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She might need a bit of space because she is embarrassed, but just keep trying to act the way you always did. It's just like you can be friends with a guy, but not like him at all, it's the same with her.
2006-07-10 16:14:15 · answer #6 · answered by Lyzzyr 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you have both been honest with each other so far. have you told her you still want to be friends? are you uncomfortable knowing her true feelings? or is she hurt knowing you don't have the same feelings for her?
2006-07-10 12:57:35 · answer #7 · answered by redcatt63 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you've got to act the same way with her as always but set the ground rules early with her that you are not interested at all in "that" kind of relationship
2006-07-10 17:02:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i lost a friend the same way
he refused to stop hitting on me so i cussed him out and ignored him from then on
i make it very clear that i am straight
2006-07-10 13:16:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
both of my best friends are hetero. i had feelings for one and when she came out as str8, i became the best friend again. it wasn't that hard. if you feel weird, then examine that and talk about it. if she's not dropping it, then talk about that. some lezbos trap grlz that way. if you can't be comfortable as friends, are you friends?
2006-07-10 13:28:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋