What they never told you about birth and pregnancy...?

Question

I have yet to become pregnant (not trying) but find the whole process quite interesting. I used to be extremely fearful of the "alien" or "parasite" one day growing inside of me but I think I've outgrown my fears. Now I'm just curious as to the little nuances you don't hear about so much. Please, ladies, write and tell me (good or bad) what they don't usually talk about in books; anything about pregnancy, labor, the afterbirth (literal and figurative), and anything that came as a surprise to you. Thanks!

Answer 1

This is a good question and I wish that I would have thought to ask this before I got pregnant with my kids.. (I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world, and nothing that I endured throughout either pregnancy no matter how big of a nusiance was terrible enough that I wouldn't do it all over again if given a chance.. However sometimes it's just nice to know these things before hand..)
The 1st thing that I remember noticing after the pregnancy test came back positive was the veins in my breasts. They had become very dark and very noticable. I later discovered that this was due to increased blood flow. Was glad to know that it wasn't going to be a permanant thing, as it wasn't exactly attractive (in my opinion)
The 2nd thing that I recall noticing was every time I brushed my teeth, my gums would bleed but not hurt like they would have if they had been inflamed with gingivitis. This too was in relation to the increased blood flow. It's sometimes noted in the pregnancy "bibles" as "pink tooth brush".
No one ever told me ahead of time that morning sickness could and in alot of cases results in all day and all night sickness and that it could last throughout the whole duration of the pregnancy. Some women don't get any at all, but some of the unlucky ones like me get it all day, every day for nine months streight. (with my 2nd pregnancy I got a little luckier and only dealt with it on an all day basis for only about 3 months. Each pregnancy is different.) I tried everything they tell you to do in the books right down to taking ginger root pills and eating a light, dry snack before lifting your head off the pillow in the AM. *sigh* But to no avail. (I'm sure that it probably works for some.)
While I never considered this to be a nusiance, my hubby might have at one time or another, as I'm sure my timing wasn't always at it's best, but my hormones were extremely out of whack and one minute I was crying for no good reason at all, the next I was screaming my head off and ready to kill someone for something unbelieveably petty, and the next minute I was tearing my husbands clothes off and pretty much demanding that he rape me.. HA HA HA!! (Seriously.. there were times when it frightened me because I thought for sure I was pocessed or something.)
I discovered towards the end of my pregnancy why I was never able to find many maternity clothes at the second hand stores and/or garage sales.. Before it was all said and done, I don't think I owned a single shirt that didn't have a stain on it from dropping half of my breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner on them. I was clumsier than most 2 year olds.
I made the mistake of not reading the C section chapter in my What to Expect When You're Expecting book (which I carted around with me everywhere I went).. I guess I just never thought that it would happen to me considering that my mother had delivered both my brother and I vaginally and since I nor the babies had any known complications.. Big mistake on my part.. I labored for 6 hours with my 1st born before the Dr's discovered that she was in the frank breech position (folded in half with ankles positioned over the shoulders) and coming butt 1st. There was no way she was going to fit through the birth canal and it was likely that since she was flipped around, she would be wrapped and could possibly be strangled by her cord. I opted for a planned C section with my 2nd born because I didn't wait a whole year in between pregnancies, allowing myself enough time to heal. I didn't want to risk a uterine rupture. BTW: After a planned C section and as long as you don't labor prior to the delivery, they give you an IV drip of pitocin to stimulate uterine contractions AFTER the baby is born. (In other words, your forced into labor afterwards.) No one told me that either.
Never in a million years did I imagine that I would be fussed over so much during my pregnancy. I was surprised at how many people would jump up to do a simple task to keep me from having to do it myself, (I swear you would have thought that I was handicapped. It was great having the help when I needed it, but otherwise, it was kind of annoying. I couldn't believe how much worthless (and rediculous) advice I received and how quickly people forgot that I even exsisted after the babies got here.. Or so it seemed (My hubby excluded. He was wonderful.) Strangely enough I found myself needing more help and receiving less offers after having the C sections, as opposed to being pregnant.
There were several other little perks about pregnancy that I could sit here and go on about but I would be here all night long I'm afraid. Overall, after you have that beautiful, healthy brand new baby in arms, you tend to forget all about the not so good things and focus more on the miracle of the precious life that you've just
been blessed with. You find yourself in love with a complete little stranger and you begin to look forward to all of the great memories that you'll share as you start your new lives together.. Becoming a parent and the feelings that come along with the territory is something that can't be described or understood with words alone. You simply have to experience it for yourself.
Best wishes to you in your endevours..

Answer 2

You've got a lot of issues here. I'm sorry to hear that. First of all, was she like this before you got married and before she got pregnant? If not, it sounds like she's dealing with severe antepartum depression and should be treated. Once this baby is born, she might be a completely different person. Pregnancy can make women crazy. Do you know the father of her first child? He may have some insight on that one. If she's always like this, you did the right thing. She is probably never going to change. You don't mention what state you're in, but where I live, if you're married to a woman at any time during her pregnancy you are automatically named as the father on the birth certificate (whether you're the bio father or not). If that's the case, you automatically have paternal rights even if you're no longer married. Divorces drag on forever - if you're divorced by summer it will be a miracle. As a previous poster said, it doesn't matter who you are, the only person who has the "right" to be in the delivery room is the woman giving birth. Right or wrong, she can give birth alone at home if that's what she wants. Pregnancy is viewed by the medical and legal community as a medical condition of the woman and no one has the right to information regarding the pregnancy or access to the delivery without her consent. You may have to just bite the bullet on that one. But, you can be at the hospital during the delivery if you can find someone to tip you off. Then you'll be able to see your baby right away even if you're not in the delivery room. Beware: if she doesn't have health insurance when she delivers, you may be stuck with some of her hospital bill. In a way, getting married was a good move for you. It will give you much firmer legal ground once this baby is born. If she's really this crazy, you have a good shot of the child being placed with you. Check with local family services. They can refer you to free or discounted legal assistance if you can't afford it. Good luck.

Answer 3

I haven't had kids yet but they're going to be here in a few years so I've paid extra attention to what pregnant women tell me of their experience.

One thing I heard of is some women will get this really itchy rash all over their bodies when they are pregnant. I can't remember what it's called but apparently it is a symptom of this other problem that can lead to premature labor. My cousin had it and although both her babies were early they are both totally healthy, happy kids! Just something to keep an eye out for I guess. :)

Also, Braxton Hicks contractions. I had no idea this happened until this same cousin had her kids. I'm sure someone told me in a health class at some point but I never really understood what they were until a couple years ago.

Answer 4

I'll list it simply... I'm sure others will come up with more. Here goes:

acid reflux, hearburn, feeling the babies hiccups in your tailbone, hemmoroids, things you used to love eating- making your stomach turn, oily skin, oily hair, facial hair growing where it never did before, painful skin stretching, inflamed hair folicles, sciatic nerve problems, contractions when you aren't in labor, and lack of contractions when you are, that your water CAN break and you not know it, kicks from the inside (hard enough to break your rib), flutters, seeing a foot inside- on the outside, the fact that your baby WILL react to light, dark, your significant others voice, will jump when startled (like if you sneeze), that you can talk soothingly to it, tickle it from the outside, and that you can tell when they are in a playful mood before you even see them. That every day of every week for almost a year, your body slowly goes from being TOTALLY YOURS-- to being an incubator for your baby. That moments when you were too tired, and upset at the flailing limbs inside you that wont let you sleep dissappear when you don't feel movements for an hour, and you anxiouly wait for them. That you can see a schedule happening (when baby is up, or sleeping) before its even born. And that all of the horrible things, go out the window, when you hold your newborn, and (some) would want to do it all over again. Its all worth it.

Answer 5

This is what they don't tell you - that for a couple of weeks after you have the baby, you feel like you've been hit by a truck and you are in more pain than you were the whole time you were pregnant (not counting labor, of course).
But it is so worth it!! My son is absolutely the light of my life. I was in labor (back labor - his head was turned the wrong way) for 22 hours, 19 without an epidural, but the minute they put him in my arms and he opened his eyes and looked at me - I was in love and I forgot all about the pain.

Answer 6

After three pregnancies I've found that just about any symptom you could think of can strike when you're pregnant. Every time I went to my midwife with another weird condition the answer was "yep, that happens when you're pregnant."

Some of the good:
1. After the 5th month my complexion glowed
2. My hair and nails grew beautifully and were much stronger!
3. Larger, fuller breasts (even after the baby came)

The bad:
1. Morning sickness for 5 months.......ugghh
2. Couldn't sleep on my back
3. Sciatica in my buttocks and legs (it feels like a pinched nerve and can be debilitating sometimes)

And the ugly:
1. Huge, bulging varicose veins in my vulva.....yep....you read that right!
2. Gas and bloating for the entire 9 months

Best of luck when your amazing time comes!

Answer 7

Well, first the good. It feels like little butterflies in your belly at first, then it gets uncomfortable once they get bigger (around 8 mos) You can really see the outline of thier body then, so it is kinda of creepy when you see it, but awesome too.

I didn't learn, nor did my DR ever tell me that you may vacate your bowels and bladder durign labor. I was horrified, and was so worried it would happen. My sister's friend told me this, her advice don't eat if you know you are in labor. So, I didn't and was starving afterwards.

Also, no one told me after having a c-section, that I would be the last person to see or hold my baby - it made me very depressed and I felt like a failure (my daughter was in distress, so it had to be done)

But, I can't ever forget the immense love I felt when I did get that scrunchy little baby and she looked at me - that is worth all the embarassment and discomfort.

Answer 8

I had a difficult labor. My hubby was terrified and he was through 4 other pregnancies with his first wife. He says, he never saw so much blood and they were c-sections..

I had a bad doctor. I had a group that takes turns in delivery. MY MISTAKE, NEVER AGAIN. Never again with a team of doctors... My epidural only worked for an hour. I was in labor for 19 hours. It is really weird once it is all done, you forget the complications. I was in the hospital for two week prior to the inducing me due to preeclampsia (pregnancy induced high blood pressure)

I can honestly say, its something I want to do all over again... We are starting to plan for our second.. :-)

My angel is a true blessing..

Victoria 9/28/05

Answer 9

I understand the alien or parasite comparison. I felt it also, but was past it by the time I got pregnant with my 1st baby. I was warned, but a lot of women I know weren't warned that after birth you bleed so much you will wear pads bigger than your shoes, and when it slows down you will still bleed like a period for 6 weeks.

I really wish that someone had told me that my episiotomy would heal a lot faster if I kept it really dry...like with the hairdryer. Suprisingly it seems like every part of your body is somehow connected to down there...so every movement hurts it until you get it a little healed.

Finally, leading up to my daughter's birth I started really looking forward to giving her a big bear hug and kiss. When I got her in my arms for the first time and tried to hug her I discovered that she was too small to hug...like trying to hug a roll of paper towels. So, I could only press her to my chest. And that kiss...her lips were too small for my adult lips to target. It felt like I was swallowing her.

Answer 10

The first week i spent it with my head in the toilet. I went off tea and when i ate chocolate it didnt feel right. I found out what varicous veins were all about. i got tired i wanted to eat soft boiled eggs for every meal (not allowed). By week 30- i couldnt tie my shoe laces But i still had a cake every afternoon about 4pm. This bump from the inside kicked at bed time and the at five in the morning and boy could she kick. I went for a beer that i never enjoyed and if i did had my head in the toilet at 4am Id eat cereal at 4.30am only to be woken by that football player inside me. The last month my pelvis softened according to the doctor (who i crawled for a 45min walk to see) just to be told to take paracetamol. When i gave birth it was so painful and they told me it was a normal birth. My boobs went huge then shrunk And then 2yrs later i did it all again And the pain was horrible and my boobs shrunk again so flat chested i got sterilized. (just in case ive put you off they were worth the pain and im just trying to educate them that they need a good job because i need a decent retirement home and someones got to pay for it!)

Answer 11

I don't know if this would be surprising to you, but with each of my three pregnancies, I found the entire birthing process to be the most exciting thing of my life. You dream about it and wonder about it and despite the pain or maybe even because of the pain, it is the most incredible and exciting, adrenaline inducing experience. I miss that the most.