Should I leave my husband?

Question

I am 6 and 1/2 months pregnant and found my husband packing condoms in his suitcase when he was going abroad to visit his family. He lied to me telling me he didn't know that they were there and that I must have packed them even though I begged him to tell the truth. The next day he sent me a quick text saying sorry and that he was just taking them to try his luck. I left our home before he came back from work and the next day he went abroad. I've been a mess ever since but he has hardly called in the space of 2 weeks and the calls lasted less than a minute with him just asking how the family was. I told him that I had sent him an email to tell him how I felt and what was going to happen to our relationship but he hasn't bothered to read it. We have a 7 yr old daughter and have just celebrated our 8th wedding aniversary. I also found an empty condom wrapper in his diary a few weeks ago and he told me that someone had planted it there.

Answer 1

Before leaving, ask him if he will consider marriage counseling. Divorce is horrible on a child's emotions, so I am thinking of your daughter. I am sure this is a very traumatic time for you- both being pregnant and finding out something this heartbreaking. Don't give up too fast though.

Answer 2

Well the nice thing is that you've realized you are in an abusive relationship and want to go away. And also you must no longer be embarrassed that your marriage failed in view that the man you married ended up no longer being a man in spite of everything, rationale there is not any excuse to abuse a lady. Your plan seems ok but first I think you must find a position of where you're going. Seem for a job there earlier than you arrive so which you can have whatever set. Look for residences there so that you wont turn out to be in a city where hire is outrageous. Do your study and have numbers and deal with to be had before you go away. Percent some snack packs for you and your kiddo and have money able at hand for the road. Simply comprehend the place you are going so that you would be able to have a vacation spot and have matters hooked up for while you get there. Should you want any support i am more than inclined to be there for you. I was as soon as in an abusive relationship so i understand how difficult it may be. Please let me understand if i will be able to do something for you. God bless you!

Answer 3

That is totally up to you, can you take care of those babies by yourself? How much money does he make and would it be in your best interest to leave like that because he has strayed? Men are greedy and as long as you cry and pout and want an explanation for it he will continue to do what ever it is he's doing. but you asked him about the condoms so my thing is this cheating is not right if the other party is not down with it and besides it would not be cheating if they knew but if you don't really want to know the answer because you might not like what is revealed to you then don't ask. I stay and make his life a living hell while getting yours together. You make sure you are involved in every financial transaction call all credit card company's to get a copy of the bills sent to somewhere else I would say your girls house but it just might be your girl he's steppin with. Never under estimate no woman not even you mother or sista. Do what you need to do for the time being but don't let the man off that easy. Diary of a mad black woman!!!!! you better pay attention girl. I don't know if you ever heard of Richard Dimples Field and Betty Wright if not get on line or go to the warehouse and ask for Richard Dimples Field "she's got papers on me" it's in your R&B old school section. Betty Wrights "clean up woman, no pain no gain and after the pain" same section. Look around look around, you'd better pay attention woman.

Answer 4

Well, this is not an easy one.

From what you are describing he is obviously having an affair/ cheating on you.

I heard that most commonly people lie in those circumstances and won't admit. Various reasons for that.

I am not sure that more pressure from you will make him admit.

Counseling? Not necessarily on that issue only but because you feel things are not right. See if he would accept this.

Because, if he IS cheating, there must be a reason in the first place. Is he scared by the further commitment of having another child? Did he want that baby? Other issues in your relationship?

Anyway, good luck to you. Many couples go through difficult phases. Take it as a learning opportunity if you can.

Answer 5

Sorry Sweetie, but I'd leave. He's playing games with you and in your condition you could do without the stress.

Why don't you pack a few things and go stay with a friend or a relative just before he comes back from his holiday and give him a taste of what life would be like if you really left. If he's got his wits about him and wants to make a go of your relationship he'll pull his socks up and if he doesn't call or make a fuss that you're not there, you'll realise that the relationship is over anyway.

I left my partner two weeks before I found out I was pregnant (already had a 6yr old) my child is now 18 months, happy, well balanced and loved. It was a bit tough to begin with but I managed it and am now back to work. Ex see's them when he remembers he's got kids!!

Good luck and God bless...x

Answer 6

It's so easy for a lot of people to just say leave him. I haven't been in your exact situation but during my first pregnancy with my boyfriend (my husband now, we weren't married at this point), I noticed a condom was missing and asked him about it and he said he had placed it in his car, "JUST IN CASE". We got into it because since we were pregnant, we weren't using condoms anyway so why in the world would he need it??? Not to mention, he had been to the clinic to get tested more than once. Our daughter was born a couple of days after, I let it go and the next year when we decided to get married, I asked him about it again. He said nothing happened so I believed him and now we are happily married with our #2 on the way.

I do think about what happened back then every once in a while and sometimes I even think about giving him a polygraph but I know that would really put a strain on our marriage.

In the end, it's really up to you. It's hard to leave somebody you love but if you think it's best for you and your children to leave, go and try to move on, it might be better. Good luck!

Answer 7

Well, first thing to say is that he still cares about his and your health, otherwise he would not use condoms.
As you mentioned you are pregnant and it is almost 7 month. I guess you do not have much relationship in bed right now. So he feels a little over exited. It is natural. So he is thinking like: well, I go on the trip, I did not have much s...x, if, and only if there will be something, at least it will be safe.
Oh, and another thing - some guys masturbate only with a condom. Strange but true.
So do not make any decisions too fast. Remember you have 1 kid and another is on the way. Plus you care about him so much, otherwise you would not ask your question here.
So talk to him, but have a long serious talk. Explain your cons earns. He should understand.

Good luck!

Answer 8

You have a lot of soul searching to do. Is this a first time thing or had he done it before. Do you have a normally stable relationship? Did he want this child, or was it an accidental pregnancy? If it was accidental is he feeling pressured because he really didn't want another child? There are so many things that can be going on in his mind that you don't know about. Ask him to go to counseling with you if you really want the relationship to work out. If he refuses then you know he is not ready for a lifelong commitment to both you and the child, then I would leave as it does more harm than good to bring up a child in a home built on distrust and lies.

Answer 9

What a dilemma! You know in your heart that you must leave him but it's too scarey to make that decision. It is a fact that men do have a tendency to play away .... no commitment for them usually .. just playing away. And their commitment to home life usually remains the same. But that's how a man feels and is not something that a woman can accept. IT seems that your husband fancies his chances at every opportunity ... it happens ... he is one of thousands who would do the same. However, and me being a mere man as well, would say that is totally unacceptable for you. You have a 7 yr old and one on the way .... my honest advice, unless you have an unmovable love for this guy, is to separate now .... he is unlikely to change and that will only bring you more grief. You need mental stability right now ... you deserve that. But don't make it easy for him ... he is the cause .... insist he makes the separation as easy as possible. In the long run, you will be a lot happier. You need a break from all of his seemingly irresponsible and unacceptable attitude! Good luck ....

Answer 10

Normally I would scorn you for posting such a question on a place like this, however I will say the same as others - leave him.

Once you find condoms that is it, for him then to lie about it takes that problem to a whole new level and he does not even seem to be talking about it or correcting his behaviour. Someone suggested counselling, however to me issues like this would be going into the territory of 'point of no return', counselling will not erase what he has done and not change who he is. People do change, someone who was the greatest person in the world can become scum in what seems like a moment, and there is no chancing them back.

You know how you feel, you don't need us to tell you that this is not good and it would not be healthy for you to stay with this man – that doesn't mean you cannot stay on speaking terms, that is also not to say you should listen to us, it is up to you, but in MY OPINION you would be a lot better off facing the pain of getting out of this relationship, or what there is of it now, then you would staying in the relationship. Yes, you have children to consider, but what is worse on a child - parents devorce or parents who feel forced to stay in a harmful love-less relationship for the sake of the children?

Answer 11

I'm so sorry that your husband is behaving this way! Especially being pregnant! Sometimes men can be pigs...no doubt! But in your case, I think that you all have alot of stuff to deal with and he needs a reality check. But your children also need a father. You never mentioned if he was a good father or not....but I'm assuming he is a good daddy. After he returns from his trip, I suggest you sit and have a heart to heart and allow him to see exactly how hurt you are, and suggest that you all see a counselor either together or separate. If you all are not involved in church, that would be the best thing to do for your marriage and your children. I'll be praying for you all from this end.....I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.....