I love my boyfriend more than anyone i have ever loved, but i am just not fullfilled anymore. The last thing i ever wanted was to say goodbye. Its killing me inside. I dont want to let go of this dream, but its making me so unhappy. I dont feel that he makes any effort to keep our love strong. It gets tiring when only one of us is really working at it. I am not sexually satisfied, we have no romance we never go out and i am so afraid of making a mistake by leaving, but i cant wait anymore. How do i get over this guilt, feelings of being a failure.
2006-07-10 10:37:31 · 24 answers · asked by momag 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You need to try and talk to him about it! If you really love him take a few days to yourself and think about whats going on with you because like they always say you don't know what you have until its gone. If you let him go for a stupid reason without enough thought you may and prolly will regret it.
2006-07-10 10:40:54 · answer #1 · answered by lttlbt22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried to rectify things? If so, then say goodbye with a clear conscience. Don't stay if things cannot be "fixed", because you would just be settling and that's not fair to either of you.
Why do you feel guilt or like a failure? What have you failed at? Some relationships (many actually) don't last until the end of our days...but if you made it the best you could and HE isn't putting forth the effort, then what have you to feel guilty about?
Do what is right for you to do...let him know how you feel, but don't stay if it's not right for you...this life is too short to be unhappy when you can change that...
Best of luck to you...
2006-07-10 10:42:37 · answer #2 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem in your whole question is this.....and I quote..."I don't want to let go of this dream" Ask yourself, does your boyfriend know what your dream is and does he want to share it with you. And if he isn't, is it because he doesn't have a clear picture as to what truly makes you happy. I noticed also that you put in your question "I am not sexually satisfied" before "we have no romance". I think what you meant to say is because there is no romance, there is no great sex life. I think a great strategy is to communicate to your boyfriend that you would like him to show you more attention to you so that it creates romance in your relationship. This does not necessarily mean that you have to spend more time together but what time you do spend with each other make it special. Go to special restaurants, give love notes, picnics, romantic movies, etc.... These things create great memories that foster lasting relationships. The whole point of a relationship is not to be totally dependent on someone else to make you happy, it is to grow as a person and then happiness comes naturally. After you communicate this to him, and he doesn't want to put in his share to make it work, then look for someone who will. Life is to short to go thru life unhappy.
2006-07-10 11:12:47 · answer #3 · answered by striden22 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Okay... so in review: 4 weeks ago you caught him wearing women's clothing, two weeks ago he wanted to end things with you and you said he was lying to you, two days ago you said he wants to end things with you and today you're confused as to whether to end it or not.
IMHO, it's already over and you're just delaying the formalities.
He may be cross-dressing, he may be considering an alternate sexual lifestyle in which you don't fit, he may be bisexual and exploring other parts of his sexuality, he may be just a guy who tried something once but after five years together you've both become complacent about your relationship and it's spark has died.
You can't take a relationship for granted. Flames need to be fed or they die. Sounds to me like the fire is out on both sides and that perhaps you're just afraid of being on your own now, but being on your own is a good way to rediscover yourself and then move ahead and find someone to be in your life again...and this time perhaps it will be more long-term and more right and you won't let the flames die and neither will the other person.
End it while you can still talk to each other civilly and before you start cheating on one another in thought or deed. Ending as friends who care about each other and know it's time to move apart is much better than ending fighting over who did what to whom.
It's clear to me over all your questions these weeks that you already know the answers to your questions. Your relationship isn't there anymore... it's just time to pack and leave.
Good luck.~
2006-07-10 11:10:34 · answer #4 · answered by ~Maggie!~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boredom, well I cant say that is the best reason to try it, but why not. I will give you some info on Swinging. It is very beneficial for the right type of people. Just look into it, do some research, feel free to email us any questions. I will attach a link here to help you out. Just keep an open mind, and talk through it with him. Its a whole new world you are about to meet.
2006-07-10 10:43:39 · answer #5 · answered by Tweendasheetz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you should feel guilty. It takes two to tango and if you are doing all of the work in the relationship, your relationship will soon die. I understand loving him, but you can't seem to live with him. You should talk to him and tell him how you feel because if you are not happy in the relationship, you are being unfair to him because he obviously doesn't think that there is anything wrong. As relationships mature, they also get much harder to deal with too. If you stay, I'm afraid that you will be miserable for the rest of your life and if you leave, it will be painful, but you might have a chance to clear your head and decidee what it is that you really want.
2006-07-10 10:43:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When your relationship is based on the physical there is no foundation. You're looking for love in all the wrong places and if you don't change your focus you'll always be looking. I'd start over and shift my focus to the person I was involved with not being fulfilled. Relationships should be 80%+ give and less than 20% take.
2006-07-10 10:41:20 · answer #7 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off take a long look in the mirror do you like what you see if not then be serious and talk to him about how you want to feel maybe you two need time apart and maybe he willl start giving you what you need, date other people if this doesnt work then really just be honest with your self and him and leave him alone goodluck...
2006-07-10 10:41:34 · answer #8 · answered by wifeytyson1981 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This isn't the best thing to do, but I always had a hard time with that when breaking up also. I'd end it in my head, but then stick around awhile untill I was in better shape and could function. It sometimes took a month. That way I wasn't lonely while I was devestated.
2006-07-10 10:48:10 · answer #9 · answered by dietcokeani 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first you are not a failure and two you dont say your age some times you get use to each other and you get bored. some times you have to try differnt things like going out for a date going for walks rekindle the part that you found why you liked this person and if after you done all that and if it still dont work then it is time to say so long.
2006-07-10 10:43:00 · answer #10 · answered by LENORE P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋