Should I tell?

Question

Here's the thing my husband and I are best friends with a couple (well a few different ones) and at our party on Friday night my best friend (we'll call her) mela, who her and her husband have been going through some rough times. You see it really starts a few months ago, Mela cheated on her husband of 6 years w/ a co-worker. She got caught and they (to shorten it up) decided to stay together. Now as her best friend, I have been trying to support them in all this. Ok back to friday night, my hubby and I were having a summer bbq party, after a few drinks a couple (8) of us climbed into the hot tub. we all relaxed and had a good time. Well yesterday mela and I went shopping she told me that in the hottub she was rubbing another of our single friends...penis. I was shocked. After all the recent **** they have worked out! why? my ?'s you ask....what should I do? tell her husband? leave it alone? talk with her? Please help!

Answer 1

Thats her deal girl...mind your business. What you can certainly do as a friend is tell her what you think. Apparently she is not caring enough about her situation then why would you. Obviously it's not right but she is the only one getting in that situation and she is the only one who has to do something about it.

Answer 2

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ABSOLUTELY DO NOT tell anyone.
But you should jump all over your friend mela, and ask her if she has any brains at all,
capable of functioning beyond her "urges".

Make a mental note, that not all couples have the same level of libido. It is likely her husband could have the lower libido of the two, and she is not getting her urges satisfied.

Talk with her. Tell her that for her, and her marriage and her family, that simple FOOLING AROUND is NOT SIMPLE.
If she is that "turned on" then she needs to and must either have sex with her husband, or masterbate herself before leaving the house.

Tell her if she thinks that this is an extreme solution, then she better think again...because her "fooling around" is going to cost her big time, and self-gratification costs her nothing.

Going a step further, if she "requires" penetration to "get satisfied" then the two of you go shopping to a "speciality store" and get her a "Bob". The "Bob" could save her marriage.

Then, in times to come, as her friend, delve a little deeper, and try to find out why she is THAT anxious, and filled with urges she has not been controlling well.
Could it be stresses of money or other coming out that way?
Could it be she is not wanting to learn self displine? She seems to be using sex as her drug of choice.
As with any obsession, learning self-control is key.
If she CONTINUES to obsess over sexual deviance outside her marriage,
then possibly a doctor can help with and Rx that calms her. Some such Rx can and do calm "urges"; so she will be more in control.

If she is treating this whole thing like FUN, try to determine if that is a cover for the stress, or lack of self control.

If she is really and truly doing it for FUN, then like any other dumba$$, she'll have to get caught AND lose all, before she learns her lesson.

Help her if you can dear-friend. But don't burden anyone else with this.
If it continues out of control, it won't have to be YOU than spills the beans...it will out itself without your help.

stw
.

Answer 3

This is a rotten predicament for you to be in. It would be one thing if you accidentally discovered what she had done, but she volunteered this info to you and in doing so, she put you in a bad spot. Here's the thing... if another woman were touching my husband intimately, I'd be furious. If I were touching another man intimately, my husband would be hurt and outraged, and rightly so. It might not be intercourse, but it's still cheating, in my book. I think that if I were in your shoes, since SHE put you in this position, then you tell her that either she tells her husband or you will. Give her a reasonable window of opportunity to tell him, and let her know that if she hasn't come clean with him by so and such a time, you are going to tell him. Wouldn't you want to know, if you were him? I sure would. And then also let her know she had no right to put you in that position, but since she did, you are obligated to do the RIGHT thing. And then let her know you are not friends with her any longer. Why on earth would you want to be friends with a tramp like that, anyway? You are a person of character and integrity, with a conscience. Good for you.

Answer 4

Hi! I've been through hell and back recently with my own husband cheating on me. so... you could take my addvice or leave it.
if I were you and I had a solid marriage myself, I would first of all speak it over with my husband. your husband knows this couple too, and I assume knows the trouble they have been through. the second addvantage of speaking it over with your husband would be to get a mans point of view on matters. see, he coulf tell you if it's addvisable to approach your F---n's friend husband, or maybe he could do it in a mans way - things we don't really understand.
I wish for your friend sake that she opens up her eyes because he gave her a chance the first time but it's a hard thing to get over once - twice is nearly impossible!
maybe if you do choose to approach her tell her abbout what she'd be missing when she would be devorced... what a *****!!!
good luck with being a good friend.

Answer 5

Explain to her once again what the union of marriage is ,just in case she forgot .Tell her straight out either shes going to clean up her act with her husband and make things right , or be single and live the wild life she really whats to live and you can make the decision whether you want to continue to be friends with this person.

Answer 6

Well in a situation like this i know sometimes telling is ok but shes gonna keep doing it then tell and when you tell let it just slip out in a converstation so it doesnt look like your a snitch and then you can say it was an accident so no on wants to start all that he said she said stuff your smart let your husband in on it and ask him what he thinks too goodluck...

Answer 7

You definately should talk to her and tell her that you don't think her behavior is appropriate and that if she doesn't stop it that you will tell her husband. This way either she'll quit doing these things, or she should at least quit telling you about them, b/c you obviously don't think it's funny and you should tell her that. Plus, if you can manage not to get in the middle, that's probably better, but it partly depends on her attitude and how it makes you feel.

Answer 8

Well first you need to sit down with your friend and talk to her find out why would she hurt the relationship she has with her husband that she tried so hard to restore. Then let her know that she needs to tal to her husband.Let her know that you can't just sit by and know that she is beng unfaithfull in her marriage and that if she dosen't do something, the next time it happens you are going to have to tell her husband

Answer 9

You should definitely talk to your friend. Why is she putting you in the middle of all this crap? She should be thankful that you support her in the whole situation. I don't think that you should tell her husband. Perhaps she should tell him herself. If she really doesn't want to be with her husband, she should leave him. Why is she putting her husband through all of this? It's unfair of her to let him think that she is being faithful to him when she clearly isn't even respecting that he was there.

Answer 10

she is an idiot and deserves to have her husband leave her, I would tell him I mean he is trying to make it work and she is stabbing him in the back, I would however keep the other friends name out of it, since he is in the hot tub with a bunch of people not like he can jump up and yell about it.