Should I let my 17 year old daughter continue a "phone" relationship with a 21 year old who lies all the time?

Question

My daughter is talking to a guy and a girl all day and all night and I am paying her cell phone bill. I have asked her to cut down the amount of time she spends with these people but it's just getting worse. She got 3000 calls from these people in the last 10 days. She has told me a few details and it seems this guy lives about 2000 miles away from us, has an 8 month old baby(he wants it to call my daughter Momma), he said he would come to her graduation (never showed) and has talked about marrying her. I thought it would pass but this has been going on for 4 months now. I have cancelled her phone and now of course she hates me and is threatening to go back to England to live with her dad. What should I do?

Answer 1

I'd turn her phone off...and tell her she can't talk to him anymore...It's hard mom I know...to say no to your children... but ..by letting her continue on with what she is doing...is going to do more harm than good...and if I had to...I'd cut every phone off in the house...and have one cell phone that I'd keep with me at all times...so she couldn't try and under mine me...then I'd make her get a job...and pay for the phone bill that she had already...once that was paid for...then we'd talk about maybe getting a cell phone for her...that only had so many minutes on it...you can get plans like that...once the minutes are gone...they can't use the phone...unless they buy the minutes for it...she has to learn to respect you sometime...if you don't get a handle on it now...you never will have a handle on it...there is an old saying that's very true..."SPARE THE ROD...AND SPOIL THE CHILD"...

Answer 2

tell her::
1.) shes too young.
2.) this guy had already had a baby with some woman and obviously is not responsible and doesn't seem committed to relationships
3.)it's your monee shes spending on the phone and you can do whatever the he// you want with it
4.) tell her, "you give me more crap about a man that cant marry you legally again and i will send you to a school in england for nuns."

& i have a mom and i get mad at her for sruff all the time. it will pass. your daughters just going through a phase.

she has no control over you unless you let her. do you think it's safe for her to be talking to a 21 year old man with a baby over 2000 miles away?? letting her tlak to him is like asking him to have sex with and get her pregnant ..and that's illegal cause she's not 18 yet.

don't be fooled. think smart.

what you do about this can determine her life.

Answer 3

WELL its time for a reality check okay you cancelled her cell phone good for you. the best way to get tothe point set up a time and place where you can meet with both of them and you want to here and get some things straight as for your daugther for a 21 year old no way.
As far as her hating you she will get over it and on the phone bill i would have her work it off to pay you back on the bill set down some ground rules for your daughter and if you need to get her father envolded do it and let him know whats going on. your daughter is going to try and mulation you both to get her way. dont let that happen stop it now.

Answer 4

Dear Sys
FIRST RESTORE HER CELL CONNECTION
ALLOW HER TO TALK TO THEM

Please Now Listen to me...

Make her aware of the phone bill amount and
tell her to reduce outgoing calls.
Fix a monthly allowance for this.
And tell her if the bill goes up means you will disconnect the cell.

Now you never mention the name or anything of that guy.
Act as you forgot everything.
Wait for a few days.
Always act as you are not at all in doubt of her.
The trick is to make her believe that you have full confidence over her.
And not giving her a chance to challenge you.
Challenges are special thrills for those of that age.

To make it natural,
unexpectedly catch her talking to that guy,
but no arguments and nonsense with her,
Just you accept the fact that she is in a relationship
At the same time make sure that she understood well,
that you got what she did in a very peaceful way.
Never continue your talk about this if she shows signs of discomfort.
Drop it and start some other topic she likes too much.

If it is a very minor relation means this much is enough to stop her.
But slowly.

If not STOPPED.

next step is to collect maximum details about
the other persons involved in it.

NEVER take the Help of others,
the Maximum details you have to collect is
from or through her only,
that is too making her fully aware that you mean it.

Repeatedly give her assurance in the following,
In all her matters she will be the final decision maker,
and what you as a parent doing is
only maturely guiding her.

ASK HER HELP TO HELP HER....
Talk peacefully to her and make her understand that,
it is a must to know details about that guy,
before falling in a serious relationship.
now help her to find out the credential of that fellow,
and whenever you find a fault in that guy,
your duty is to make your daughter tell you the same.
"Mama he is so and so...."
Now you never blame her but stand for and
skillfully express all your conclusions as her own
and encourage her to find out more.....
Finally win your daughters heart....
and
NOW SHE IS READY FOR YOUR ADVICE..
GO ON..

Remember these:-

YOU ARE LEADING A WAR PEACEFULLY.
NEVER TELL ANY LIE TO YOUR DAUGHTER ABOUT THAT GUY.
WIN HER BY HEART ONLY NOT BY FORCE

and my "BEST wishes"

Answer 5

DOES YOUR DAUGHTER KNOW THAT IF SHE WERE TO HAVE AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GUY, HE COULD BE LOCKED UP??? IT SOUNDS TO ME AS IF YOUR DAUGHTER HAS REBELLED AGAINST YOU FOR CANCELLING HER PHONE BILL AND I SAY MORE POWER TO YOU!! YOU ARE THE ADULT AND I'M PRETTY SURE YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT THE DANGERS OF OLDER MEN AND YOUNGER GIRLS [ESPECIALLY UNDERAGE GIRLS] THAN YOUR DAUGHTER. IT SEEMS AS IF THIS GUY IS FEEDING YOUR DAUGHTER LIES AND IF SHE'S BELIEVING WHAT HE'S SAYING, SHE NEEDS A MAJOR REALITY CHECK. THE NOT SHOWING UP TO THE GRADUATION SHOULD HAVE BEEN A WAKE UP CALL FOR HER BUT I GUESS NOT!! ALSO, WHAT 17 YEAR OLD IS READY TO BE CALLED "MOMMY" BY ANOTHER WOMAN'S BABY AND DEAL WITH THE BABY MAMA DRAMA THAT COMES WITH THIS GUY??? ASK YOUR DAUGHTER IS READY FOR THE COMMITMENT OF BEING MARRIED BEFORE HER 18TH BIRTHDAY AND PUTTING HER DREAMS AND CAREER ON HOLD TO HELP TAKE CARE OF A BABY THAT ISN'T EVEN HERS... BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION WOULD BE DOES SHE THINK SHE'S IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY, BECAUSE TO ME IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT LOVE IS!!!

Answer 6

I many times imagine adult males my age who date extreme college women are susceptible sauce, yet you do not appear like a sleeze without balls, only a guy who likes a woman. i'd deliver her father and mom a letter declaring that as a Christian you respect their decision and ask them if it will be okay to work out her even as she turns 18. tell her, wreck it off till then. that is the right element to do. you don't need to reason strife in her domicile. She's too youthful for this. in case you care about her, wait a year. She desires to respect her father and mom' decision even as residing of their domicile. i believe they're being too harsh, even if that is their call.

Answer 7

get her a 1 way ticket as soon as you can for the sailboat ride of her life !!! (that's right, send her on a WORKING sailing cruise back to her dad's)

BTW, who's the "mom" in this relationship? explain that you care, that this is a bad & unhealthy relationship & either it goes, or she goes.

she can go back to England in less than a year WITHOUT your blessings anyway. so why put yourself thru a years misery. let her dad have that fun !!!

Answer 8

Stop her of course.. Cut off her cell phone

Answer 9

Talk to her. Explain your worries, tell her you love her and say that if she wants to be treated like an adult she should act like one. Then encourage her to meet people away from the phone/internet.

Answer 10

she wont go any were...you dont have to pay for all those minutes...let her know that if she must talk to him all the time, then he needs to mail her money for the phone bill or she needs to get a job....and tell that you only accept pre-payment.