i make enough to support us both, my house and land and cars are paid for.the ex doesnt work and married a dead beat guy that can't even see his own kids.she tells our daughter that she doesnt have enough gas to come and pick her up on their weekends so my daughter ask me to give her mom gas money ...usually 20 or 30 dollars ...so i do it ....and i hate it ...late one nite we got into an arguement over the phone and my daughter over heard us.. argueing about child support .i thought she was asleep ..but i heard her crying and tried to comfort her and she told me that her mom told her that if your dad takes me to court"i'll be thrown in jail"..my daughter was crying her eyes out telling me."please dont put mommy in jail"...what the hell do i do ??? i always thought of it as support for the child .fare is fare right. if the tables where turned i'd be in jail.. no i'd pay. lol, besides its only 24 dollars a week...i don't want to hurt my 9 yr old ..x if you r reading this kiss my azz!!!!!
2006-07-10 10:22:01 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
that a tough situation.... the thing that pisses me off the most is that your x is telling your child about all this and using her emotions to manipulate you into not taking her to court!!.... she is never going to get her life together if people keep letting her off the hook! personally i would go for it, and sit down my child and explain to her the situation when she is old enough to understand the facts, but until then, try to keep it friendly for ehr sake.... you dont have to crucify the mother just force her to get a job and do the right thing....
good luck
2006-07-10 10:29:07 · answer #1 · answered by Whitney 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First tip: Drive your daughter back and forth to her mom's. Yes its unfair and yes its a pain, but be the bigger person here. This is one less thing you will have to argue about. Second tip: Your ex is manipulating your child and putting her at risk for lifelong emotional hardships. You have to protect her now. You can take your ex to court but you must be prepared. Keep a journal of every, and I mean EVERY interaction you have with her. Also write down the things that your daughter goes through, like the crying and such. This journal/document can be used in court. If your ex is putting your daughter in danger you can sue her for sole custody. You may even be able to get a judge to agree to supervised visits (if the emotional trauma is serious enough). Third tip: spend as much time with your daughter as possible and tell her the truth. Tell her that sometimes mommy says things to try to make other people upset but that she has nothing to worry about and you will take care of her no matter what. Fourth tip: Always validate your child's feelings, even if you don't agree with them. You daughter has a right to be confused and to miss her mother. Tell her you understand why she is afraid and if you were her, you would be afraid. Tell her its okay to want to see mommy and miss her when she's not around. If you don't do this now, your daughter WILL be emotional torn and that is certainly not fair to her. Also, never ever say anything bad about another person that your child is supposed to love. This can cause a child to feel hurt, confused and angry. Remember, you have to be the better person here, even if you have to do things you don't want to do. Your daughters feelings are the most important thing here so take care of her first.
2006-07-10 21:57:12 · answer #2 · answered by lyricsop 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dead beat moms seem to get away with not paying. If it were a man...he would be in jail so quick. I have to deal with a deadbeat mom too. She hasnt seen her daughter in 2 years.(which has been great!!) SHe chose drugs over her child. SHe hasnt paid child support in 2 1/2 years! BUt of course she found a way to pay for drugs. If you dont want to cause problems for your daughter...and you really dont need it anyway...then talk to the ex about putting the "child support" into a bank account for your daughter's college tuition or for her first car. Maybe mom wont be such a ***** about it then.(I doubt it..but its worth a shot) It also sounds like mom needs to grow the f**k up and find a way to see her kid...without borrowing money from you to do it. SHE needs to make the effort...and its obvious that her child is a "bother"(boy that sounds familiar) I hope it works out for you guys...and maybe mom will do you both a favor and disappear. Its usually a blessing for all involved!!!
2006-07-10 19:07:31 · answer #3 · answered by SKITTLES 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Damn man, sounds like you and I are in the same boat. I have full custody and my ex doesent pay either. Well, 4 payments in 5 years. Yet she had money to go party every weekend and buy a car with her ex boyfriend, go to Marti Graus every year and all that crap. My ex pulls the same money thing on me as yours about gas money. But instead of giving her money I drop off and pick up my daughter for the visit. I finally had enough and files on her with the Attorney Generals office. They notified her and brought her in and told her they would give her 6 months to start catching up. She paid a little and then quit again. So we went back to court and they told her if she did not pay then the next time we went to court they would put her in jail. They asked me if I wanted to drop the contempt charges against her and I said No. They said she had to make the monthly payments ( about the same as your exes ) and pay a small amount on the back support. They said I had the right to terminate her parental rights for non payment but would not do it. Pissed me off because if it had been me doing all that they would have put me in jail. Tell your daughter the truth. That her mom could pay the support but does not want to. And let her know that even if you file she will get several chances before they do anything to her...Also, the first thing they will do before jail is taking away her drivers license.GOOD LUCK MAN
2006-07-10 17:57:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
parents suck sometimes... it always sad when children get caught in the middle of these things.
first of all, you should reassure your daughter that no matter what happened, or happens, you both love her very much. also, that you are not going to do anything to put her mom in jail.
dont give her any money. having a ride, and money to get there to see her kid should be a priority, and she does not need to cry to a little girl about her financial problems. get started on the child support thing as soon as possible... 24 dollars a week is very easy to do... and its only fair.
and last, never talk bad about your ex in front of your daughter... no matter what a big loser she is, there is no point in letting the kid know how much her mom sucks! she's too young for that, and i am sure she will realize it in the future.
2006-07-10 17:38:29 · answer #5 · answered by LiLiTh 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to take her to court anyway. If she has to go to jail because she refuses to pay, that's her fault. Women complain all the time about men that don't pay their child support, and here's a perfect example of it being the other way. Your daughter will learn that you are trying to watch out for her. For a while, she might be resentful and things may be difficult. But she'll know when she's older that you were the one who was there for her and taking care of her. Good luck to you and your daughter.
2006-07-10 17:28:52 · answer #6 · answered by Andi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can afford to have her not pay support, do that....but explain to your daughter that you will not be giving her or anyone else gas money.....because she can go get a job just like the rest of us if she really wants to see her daughter so much. She is just using your daughter to take advantage of you. What a sad situation. You don't put that kind of stress (about going to jail) on your children......and she's just trying to make you look like the bad guy.....
2006-07-10 17:47:18 · answer #7 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
by taking her to court, her fear of jail might help get her a*s in gear and start working again.u should take her to court, cause she is manipulating your child into stopin you, and you know if it were reversed she wouldnt give a second thought to comming after you.worst case she dont pay, and if she goes to jail. she can get out went she pays a certain percent of the child support owed, which isnt much if its 24 dollars, she shouldnt get a pass because she is a woman.you are a good man for taking you r child and givin the ex a chance, but she blew it.
2006-07-10 17:48:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest that you tell your daughter that you have to take mommie to court to get the $24.00 I would tell your daughter that the money you would get for support would go to her and she can use it anyway she wanted to. Maybe suggest that she put gas in her mommies car so that she can go and see her. Hopefully your daughter goes back and tells the ex and make her feel like the skum that she really is. I can't understand how people don't want to spend what precious time they could with their children? It's soo sad.
2006-07-10 17:33:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man what a woman,explain things to your daughter, then take her to court..The situation runs both ways, if it was the dad they would throw him in jail, so then the same goes with the mom..Your daughter in time will see her mother for what she really is anyway..So just tell her the truth now, Good luck in court you deserve every dime....
2006-07-10 18:13:46 · answer #10 · answered by LINDA E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋