Is it possible to remain friends with your almost ex husband?

Question

We are about to go through a divorce in which we both feel like this is the answer to the probelms. I just want to know if I should and if anyone has had success with the friends after divorce thing. Or if it will be more trouble then it is worth.

Answer 1

consider yourself lucky if you end up as friends. Best wishes though

Answer 2

My (soon to be ex) husband and I are going through a divorce right now. We have been very civil to each other and have even gone out to the movies together. We are fine. It is so much better this way. I just know that I would rather walk away with a friend than live with resentment and anger. We have been together for 19 years and we have 3 kids together. This is the best thing for everyone involved.

Answer 3

It always sounds like such a good idea on the surface and at first it can work to some degree. Ultimately though it tends to blow up in your face especially as the two of you move on to new relationships. It is really hard to get involved in a new relationship and still be friends with an ex. When you do this you end up hurting the new relationship and not giving it the fair chance it deserves. So based upon my own experience I say forget the friends thing and just go your separate ways. It will be harder at first this way but much easier in the long run.

Answer 4

It's possible. I am friends with my ex for the sake of our son. Actually, we strated communicating much better during our divorce and after the divorce than during our marriage. You cannot just turn away as there is a history but you need to set boundries to allow each other privacy.
My ex-husband ussualy calls me to teelll me about his work, what did he do, and bla bla bla but after a while I was like, dude, I'm not your wife anynmore! Talk to your new wife, I'm sure that she will be thrilled to hear about it.
We remain in very friendly terms but I don't want his new wife to think that I am trying to take over. My ex relies on me and trust me and we have been through a lot and I know him well so he cherish my advice, same way around, I have come to him on ocassion to talk about my emotions, he knows me very well and can ground me on the spot and tell me like it is... sometime you really need that from someone that knows you well.
Again, yes you can, but when you have other relationships then it gets kinda awkward. In my case I had to cut back on the chat a lot because I have a bf to take care of and issues of my own and I cannot spend my whole afternood hearing about my x-h problems. As much as I care for him, it was just draining me emotionally and he has someone now that can talk to (but she has no sense, but that's another story)

Good luck

Answer 5

Perhaps this will clarify a bit for you--good luck!

Hooked on Your Ex?
Signs you're trying to keep a dead relationship alive

by Bob Maschi
Published: 07/07/2006


Sometimes, old romances are harder to get out of your head than a theme park song (like, It's a Small World, After All). Much harder. In fact, people have been known to linger emotionally in past relationships for months -- or even years! Some go so far as to convince themselves that they are no longer hooked on the old lover, though their friends and family can tell otherwise.

It's a familiar situation. After all, almost everyone has had a relationship end when they didn't want it to, and letting go is no easy task. Particularly if you don't realize you're hanging on.

Here are some signs that you're stuck on a dead relationship:

Let's start with the obvious. Nicely framed photographs of the old flame, a lock of hair and a pile of movie-ticket stubs all displayed neatly on a night table like a Wiccan altar for instance, suggests that you haven't been able to cut the cord. Don't have a shrine per say, but think that candid shot of your last trip together on the fridge doesn't count? Wrong.

Calling someone by your ex's name can be another clear clue (and a supremely embarrassing one in the bedroom and out). Sometimes this is just habit. Other times, it's a Freudian Slip - and a valuable look into what (or who) is on your mind!

And, while we're on the obvious, jealousy regarding your ex probably means you haven't let go. If the thought of them being in another relationship bothers you, then you're still hooked - at least more than you want to be. A relationship that has ended means that the two people involved no longer have any business in each others' personal affairs, no matter how hard that sounds.

More often, the hints that you haven't been able to move on are far more subtle. So subtle, that you may not even recognize them yourself!

For starters, people often blame a breakup entirely on themselves - even though it takes two people to tango. Some might blame their physical appearance, thinking that they weren't attractive enough to maintain the romance. They convince themselves that the outcome would have been so much better if they were slimmer, had a better hairstyle or wore trendier clothes. Others take this even further in a subtle attempt to reignite the romance -- they try to drastically improve their looks -- solely to show the ex "what they're missing" and without thoughts of feeling better about themselves and/or attracting someone new. Face it. True love can see beyond some blemishes, a few extra pounds or even a bad hair day!

Another sure sign you're holding on? A lot of people who are still stuck on an ex continue to engage in habits and hobbies that were familiar to the relationship, even though they have very little personal interest in them. Going to familiar places, like your regular restaurants, or even hanging out more often than usual with mutual friends can be an omen that you haven't made peace with your past.

On the other hand, going to the opposite extremes can be one of the most blatant (but often unrecognized) signs you're caught in the grip of a failed relationship. Tearing your ex's image out of your entire photo collection or burning every last gift and memento in an angry rage are signs something's not quite right. Likewise, displaying an overwhelming hostility toward your ex may mean you still place a tremendous amount of importance on that person. While anger and hurt are all normal reactions, consider that hostility is neither healthy nor attractive (and certainly doesn't do anything for the people you may start to date).

When a relationship ends, it's normal to hurt. And everyone requires time to heal. But in the interest of saving yourself too much heartache (or at least healing yourself as fully and healthily as possible), do your best not to live in the pain for too long. Pack up the pictures and other reminders of the romance and store them away. Even if you aren't interested in a new partner, try to go out and mingle with others who share your interests. Know when to call upon your friends (for counsel or for fun). Learn to appreciate yourself as an individual, rather than as half of a pair. As time goes on, you'll find that the memories fade and new, even better, opportunities will present themselves.

While a period of mourning accompanies the end of most relationships, dwelling on the past can become obsessive and damaging. Only you know when you've crossed that line.

Answer 6

My ex and I had a pretty "friendly" divorce and called ourselves friends after. The problem was I would interpret the friendship as something else and start thinking that he wanted me back (which he didn't). It was easier to be friends after we both re-married. But yes, I think it can be done. (There were no children involved - I don't know how much of a difference that might make.)

Answer 7

I believe you can remain friends with your almost ex. I have two ex's and consider them friends. I see my first more than my second, and I do not care to be around my second but I think if need be we can be friends.

I do have a question for you though...why do you think that a divorce is the answer to your problems? Aren't you just trading one set of problems for another?

If you wish to talk about this more please email me. I have done some counseling in this area but I am not licensed. I have had quite abit of experience.

Answer 8

yes it is very possible to remain friends with your almost ex husband. As long as this is what you both want, then there should be no regrets. plus it's not what everybody else thinks because what ever decision is made you have to live with it. So make the decision thats best for you.

Answer 9

Divorce is a very difficult time to go through, you will have very mixed emotions, one day fine, the next not. I would suggest to work it out if possible, if not try to be friends, in time that will drift away.

Answer 10

I have an aunt who is still good friends with her ex... they go to parties and movies together.. I think the big thing is that neither of them ever dated or remarried after the divorce.

Answer 11

Yes it is possible. I had a teacher once who got divorced and she remained best friends with her ex and now they are soon to be remarried! So it is quite possible, the question is do you both want it to be possible?