I have a midget hiding under my bed...?

Question

what should i do?

Answer 1

I had the same problem 6 months ago but this was no normal midget. This thing was all furry and had yellow fangs and its breath smelled like week old urine. I tried luring it out some fudge but it bit my fingers off. DONT TRY IT! Later i tried some candy but that took away 2 more fingers. I called the police and they came up and surrounded my bed but the midget said he had a hostage under there with him. All of the sudden i realized my pet gerbil (that i dont keep in a cage) had been missing. "TONY!" I yelled. and I heard a faint sqeak from under the bed. The cops lowered their weapons. Later they called in the swat team, the FBI, the CIA, and my mom who passed away 3 years before. So I had about 20 men and one dead woman in my room for 4 days until I came up with a great idea! I listened to the radio! and after 6 hours a commercial came on for soap!!! but this wasn't any commercial. this commercial was sponsered by the univeral kung fu association!!!!!! they gave out their phone number and I called it at once. They did the most devious and cruel deed they could possibly do at the time. PUT ME ON HOLD!! 3 hours later they answered and I asked them if their was some way I could secretly teach my pet gerbil kung fu with out any one listening. They said sure they get this kind of thing all the time. They asked me if the midget/troll knew morse code. I said no, because what kind of midget/troll that sneeks into peoples houses and hides under their bed and kidnapps their gerbil knows morse code. So over the next 10 weeks (for only $435) they taught me kung fu over the phone and told me to instruct my gerbil using morse code. Then the day came when Tony and the troll would face off. but that was the day that i realized that Tony didn't know morse code so he didn't know kung fu. So I called my friend Carmen Elektra and this troll was a sucker for a hot babe but he resisted enough to stay under my bed. Then I had about 30 people (SWAT, FBI, CIA, NEWS REPORTERS, MY DEAD MOTHER CARMEN ELEKTRA, AND JAY-Z) in my roomi finally did the only thing i could do I said PLEASE!!! and it worked.

Answer 2

make him/her a ham and cheese sandwich. That is the proper culturally accepted method for greeting a midget who is under one's bed. The quality of the ham and cheese sadwich is also taken into consideration, as a thick slab of honey ham with sharp cheddar cheese melted onto it between slices of multi grain bread and served on a glass plate with a cloth napkin communicate higher class than el cheapo thin ham and "cheese food" on white bread wrapped in a paper towel.

Answer 3

That's not all you have under your bed. They are not midgets they are people and if someone is under your bed fish them out.

Answer 4

Sweet!!! Is it Mini-me??? Does he bite your ankles when you get out of bed? Does he eat all of your food when you're not looking?? I don't know what you should do but I have a friend who thinks midgets are soo kool, maybe you should give him to her...

Answer 5

Get under your bed with him/her and make conversation do not make small jokes that tends to offend them You should know most of them travel in groups and they can put a hurting on ya, They really can do some damage to your knees. LOL

Answer 6

The very last time I were given to be a effective Morphine potential Ranger became when I had my uterus probed round at. i have were given 1/2 a thoughts to placed my tumor decrease back on my uterus so i will get my morphine dripper decrease back.

Answer 7

Quit the pipe and joints for a bit, I see if he's still under there! If he still is, simply beat the living sh*t out of his tiny ******* as*. Then rip off his nut sack with your bare hands. Then pray to god for forgiveness.

Answer 8

Call them a "little person" instead, they consider midget derogatory.

Answer 9

So, Mr. Cranky, how about you just put the pipe down and go to bed. That oughta get rid of him.

Answer 10

Tell him that while he is under there he may as well make himself useful and go clean all those forgotten socks and underwear and zap those dust bunnies.