Is this rape? (When you are in a relationship at the time)?

Question

I have problems with sex. I don't like it because I find it very painful,and I was raped at 15.

When I met my (ex) fiance, he was very understanding, and I explained the situation with him, that I am very delicate in that whole area. But because I love him, I will try my best to please him.
So I had an agreement with him that we would experiment in that area, but as soon as I found it painful he would stop.
One time, when we were experimenting..I asked him to stop but he didn't...I begged him to stop and shouted NO., but he just carry on, and put a pillow over me.

Is this still rape because we started consentual, but then I said No
Doesn't No mean No?

I left him now because he also hit me many time, but I want to know does a man have the right to force sex once you start?

Answer 1

hi it truly hurts me to read this i feel for you so much i have to say that no indeed does mean no and he should have respected you not abused you i hope you are ok now it will take time but you must be strong to be telling us this i will tell you something it hurts now after years i was with a man and he made me feel wortheless and i was staring to believe it but my inner strenght drove mo on and i came out the other side he hit me punched me in the face and tried to strangle me also i left him in the end for someone else who turned out like this it was drink with them but it didnt crush me i got a bedsitter and lived happily for a while but please dont give up men are not all just some extremley cave men like they think it is there right to do what they want we must stand up for ourselves always i think to talk about this is a way of banishing your demons i was raped by him in th is relationship to it is the mans way of controlling you i find lots of men to be like this please be at peace i wish you well in life love and warm wishes to you

Answer 2

No indeed no does mean no when you indicated no more and he responded by putting a pillow over your head my butt would be calling the police station filling a report. The sex while at the start was consensual it became unconsentual adding a pillow over your face to shut you up is the same thing as rape. This guy broke not only your trust in him but also the law and this should be reported to the police the next girl might not be so lucky.. Speak with the police and see what course of action you have and what can be next be done to correct this . Get a order of protection until this matter cools down. He knew what he did is wrong and it's time he pay the price. A lotof guys like him have rap sheet from doing this to other women and maybe wanted by the police. No MEANS NO

Answer 3

Even within a relationship and even if it was initially consensual if you said no, if it was forced then this was defiantly rape. Rape is very common within relationships (rape more common with people you know such as partners than with strangers), unfortunately many men and women do not realise that what happened to them was rape and because it was in a relationship do not think it classes as rape or sexual abuse.

I have found myself that it can be difficult without relationships; I was not raped but sexually abused when I was 15 by a partner. I like many others get into relationships where partners start off being understanding, but in reality are abusive themselves and we do not realise this until it is too late because we don't really see the behavioural problems of abusive partners as easily as people who have not been through sexual abuse or rape. Often this impacts on issues we have already faced from initial abuse – it's a hard circle to get out of, therapy is a wise idea, but there is no quick fix.

There are a few web sites that cover spousal abuse that you may want to look into, Aphrodite Wounded is a pretty good starting point - http://www.pandys.org/aphroditewounded

No one EVER has a right to force themselves upon you, just because you said yes to begin with or he was a partner does not mean he can rape you.

Answer 4

Yes this def is. from the moment you withdraw your consent and he refuses to stop this becomes rape. This is aggravated by the fact that he put a pillow over your head. No one has the right to carry on if you have said no regardless of the fact that you started consentially.
I dont know what part of the country you live in, but London we have Sapphire Units which deal with this type of thing, I am sure other area's have similar units. Good luck.... try and get some professional advice or talk to someone close to you x

Answer 5

Yes it is rape. A woman has the right to say no at any time before or during sex. You can't start having sex and then you say no during it the man carries on this is definitely rape. Unfortunately there are a lot of women out there who would not bring an allegation against the man who did this to them because they think they would not get a fair trial because they consented in the first place.

Answer 6

You are very right NO does meen NO and yu did the right thing by leaving him...if he cannot respect your wishes, which it does not sound like he did...he has to go.....You will find that perfect person for you and till then dont lock yourself out from them just take your time and make sure that you not only know them but that they really know you and will be sensitive to your needs. Now for your queastion is that rape? Well I would have to say yes..if you felt scared or uncomfortable and no longer wanted to participate in the act and he would not stop......yes I would have to concider that rape. I am an old school kinda girl thou.

Answer 7

Who the hell gives right to man to force sex. I don't know if it can be termed as rape . One thing is for sure. Your ex fiancee did not treat you with respect and love. He did not understand your needs and pain.You need someone who pampers you with love and affection. Also go see a doctor and talk to him about your problem. You will get into same situation again and so be prepared well for it. Sex is part of human life.

Answer 8

Im so sorry about what happenned to you and the things you are going through. My heart goes out to you. Anytime a woman says NO it is rape! Whether it be someone you know or a stranger- a husband can rape his wife! When you say no or stop and they refuse to do so than it is rape. He should have known how this would affect you after what happenned to u. He was only thinking of himself and totally disrespecting you and your feelings. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

Yes, that was definitely rape.
The minute you say no & he continues anyway it becomes rape.
I am glad you have left him because he sounds like a really bad type. First Rape then violence - what next?
No man has the right to force you to continue just because you have started. Too many men get away with rape because women feel that because she consented at first & then changed her mind that itis her fault.
Wrong. It is your body & you have the right to say yes or no & to change your mind halfway through.

Answer 10

Yes. That is rape. It may be considered date rape. You told him NO and he didnt stop.
No one has the right to touch you AT ALL when you tell them no. It does not matter if you are in a relationship. No means NO.
Stay away from this scum bag. Seek a Rape Survivors Group. You need to hear from other women who have been thru this.

Answer 11

honey the moment you say no or stop it becomes rape. It doesnt matter if it begins consentual or not. If you want to stop and your partner keeps going anyway plus puts a pillow over you, its rape! It's rape anytime someone forces you to or forces you to continue to engage in sexual activity.