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my husband is a awful person he is very abusive both mentally and physically and he is in jail right now for hitting me and I started talking to my ex at first jsut as friends now it has moved on to something else and I am starting to to fall in love with him again what should I DO???

2006-07-10 09:31:21 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

23 answers

1. I am very sorry you have had to go through such a tough time. I know how hard it can be. I'll pray for your safety.

2. Stop seeing the ex. You are lonely and scared right now, but your track record of picking guys to take care of you....isn't so great. Take a break don't see anyone.

3. You are at a point of extreme vulnerability right now. I remember one time I was in a car accident. This guy I had never even liked was there that night, and he made his move. Because I was so scared it kind of seemed like a good idea, but a voice in my mind said call my Mom to get me. Don't hang out with this guy.

Some time later when my head was clear I looked back, No Way did he meet my standards on any level. He wasn't smart or funny, he was kind of ugly, and short/tubby, and I learned he was unemployed and not going to school, plus a huge pot head.

Yeah the accident got me so freaked I didn't see any of it. Crazy huh? It was just a bad fender bender too, I wasn't even hurt. Right now you might be in such a bad place you have no idea what you are "glazing over".

4. My own personal rule I preach to all my close friends. ANYONE who has been married/ in a serious relationship (never mind an abusive one) cannot date AT ALL for 6 months. And no exclusive dating or sleeping with anyone for ONE YEAR.

It sounds extreme, but Honey you got to take care of yourself. Other people are out to get there’s, you might not even know what you are about after getting knock around. Take a year to figure it out. You need to repair a lot more than the bruises on the skin. You need time to repair the bruises on your soul.

You can't do that when you are busy trying to think of how to please other people. "What should I wear..." Will he like this perfume...?" Never mind. What do you like? Do that. It is time to work on your self esteem.

Take a self defense class so you don't feel like a victim. Take an art class so you can see beauty in the world again. Take up swimming so you remember what it feels like to be weightless without everything dragging you under.

5. After 6 months buy a book called "How to find a date worth keeping" Super good strategy guide. Then Change your scene. Don't go looking where you been. Maybe even move. It is hard to start a new life around the same old people.

6. If you aren't already try talking to God. He misses you. The highest being in the universe knew you before you were even born. He watched as you were being created in your mother’s womb. He calls you by name. He knows you. Get to know him back.

Good Luck, God Bless.

2006-07-10 09:49:29 · answer #1 · answered by Crystal Violet 6 · 2 0

If your husband is in jail for hitting you then you have nothing to worry about! You should presume the relationship is over and you technically aren't having an affair as you no longer wish to be involved with an abusive man! I think being with your ex is a good thing because it will make you realize how you should be treated and that your abusive husband is NOT who you should be with! I think you should follow your feelings for your ex because your feelings towards him will help you leave your abusive relationship and be a happier person! You know when he gets out of jail it wont ever be good again so move on and be happy with who you are and who you are with and always ensure you are getting the respect you deserve!

2006-07-10 09:39:01 · answer #2 · answered by ~*Pamcake*~ 3 · 0 0

First off get rid of the husband. No woman should stick around a relationship where she is being abused ( no man should either ). Next take some time off for yourself, figure out what YOU want out of a relationship then go from there. If your ex fits the bill after a cool out period that's fine but try to remember why he is an ex in the first place.

2006-07-10 09:57:59 · answer #3 · answered by uniroyalfan 3 · 0 0

First just stop a minute. Your brain in on overload. Youre trying to fix one problem by creating another? 1. Lose the abusive husband. 2. Be alone for a while and figure out who you are and what YOU want. 3. Start see new people. NOT ex's - hes an ex for a reason

When we are in pain, we try all kinds of fixes. Sometimes its better just to be in pain until the wound heals

2006-07-10 09:43:54 · answer #4 · answered by katie 2 · 0 0

I would certainly file for a divorce while your awful husband is in jail, you do noy need to be abused. If you really know you can have a good relationship with your ex go for it. Never let anyone abuse you.

2006-07-10 09:42:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Your ex is an "ex" for a reason. Divorce your husband and then seek out a healthy relationship. In the meantime go find a good counselor.

2006-07-10 10:10:23 · answer #6 · answered by aphrodite_ak 2 · 0 0

First of all he is probaly with his boyfriend right now named BUBBA - secondly send youre ex a homemade movie of you two together making out while he is in Prison - it will give him somthing to watch other that opra - make sure the video is in color - an oh yeah try and get some close ups - this will excite him more for when he gets out

2006-07-10 09:47:04 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 0 0

You should first divorce your husband. Why would you want to stay married to someone who is in jail for hitting you? Then you need to relocate so he cannot find you. Then see where things go with your ex.

2006-07-10 09:38:48 · answer #8 · answered by PATTY H 4 · 0 0

Get your divorce and then see where things go dont rush into things and dont bring your baggage with you, though the mental and physical scars last sometimes forever, it may be hard being with someone else, just take care of yourself and let what is meant to be be.

2006-07-10 09:39:30 · answer #9 · answered by cutekeeps 2 · 0 0

File for a divorce while he's in the poky. There will probably be some friction when he gets out. Try to move on with your ex.

2006-07-10 11:03:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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