what went wrong?

Question

Hi everyone, i have been married for 9mo. now and everything was GREAT in the first 4mo. but now its awful, NO sex, but we work together so i know where he's at during the day at night he stay's home so i don't think theres a way to cheat. See he plays ALOT and when he plays its really rough, i know he does not want to hurt me, but he does sometimes. (exp: he pins me down and i cant move) and he knows that pissin me off!! but yet he always wants to play... when i tell him to stop he DOSEN'T.. and it makes me so mad that i leave, and it doesn't bother him. hes more worried about his porno's then me. he doesn't look at girls he stares at them in front of me and then says im jealous, i just feel like i am not what he really wants in a women, and i feel like i'm not being me, i mean he married me for me right? If that is the truth then why is he not in love with me anymore? he used to be soooo good to me now i'll be lucky to get even a look from him.. ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!! HELP ME.....

Answer 1

you work and live together -- sounds like too much time together. pick up a hobby and/or social/community activity and encourage him to do the same. that way, you can get some healthy time apart and with other people.

if that doesn't work, see a marriage counselor...

Answer 2

Every couple has moments like this. You're both at that awkward spot when the marriage isn't new anymore and, because of that, both of you are going to be prone to worry that the other's feelings are beginning to cool. The honeymoon period is great, but it can't last forever. But let me assure you, the next stage is terrific, too. In some ways better. The longer you're together the less you'll worry.

As for the rough play--males of many species like to play rough, even when they're trying to show affection. I don't know why we do this--my guess is that it's showing off. I've no doubt it's irritating to you ladies, and we need to learn that it isn't as attractive as maybe we think it is. No woman should be subjected to violence, but it doesn't sound like you have that kind of problem. He's just too rough. Next time your spouse gets too rough, try not to get mad; instead say something like, "You know what I could use right now, strong man? A back rub." Channel his affection to an activity that isn't so rough.

As for the sex...

Having sex less often over time isn't unusual. Lots of couples panic when their time in the sack starts to decrease. Most of the time the cause isn't a decrease in desire. The rigors of day-to-day living tend to wear one out.

Pick up a copy of _1001 Ways to be Romantic_ by Gregory Godek, or a similar book, and make a date with your partner. My wife and I have been married for more than a dozen years and still date.

Most of all, don't panic. Try not to worry.

Answer 3

I do not know your whole situation (such as how long you dated before getting married or how old you both are) but this sounds like a bad relationship just waiting to explode.

A lot of times people get married for the wrong reasons (especially if they are young, but older people as well). I wonder just why he wanted to get married? Was it so he could have someone take care of him (do the wash, clean the house, cook the meals, etc.) or maybe he just thought it would be a way to control you... it's hard to say.

I have however seen many relationships like this and unless you do something quick, it will only get worse. His playing will turn much more hurtful and eventually lead to abuse.

If there is really something there, if you believe that he married you for the right reasons, talk to him and try to work it out. Explain to him that marriage is a partnership were both of you have equal bidding.

On the other hand, if you are sure things are not going to get better, get out of the marriage now. Now before you have a house and / or kids together. You have only been married a short while, so get an annulment. Just please do not stand by and take his crap. There are too many men out there that are willing to treat a Lady right.

Answer 4

One of the most difficult things for a relationship to survive is that moment when the early romantic period subsides and reality sets in. You both see each other as you really are. You see each other first thing in the morning when most people neither look good nor smell good. You see things about each other that you cannot stand and wish like anything that they would change. Now that he's seeing you every day, day in and day out, 24/7, you've become familiar to him. The excitement that perhaps he once had for you has faded a bit. He has to decide whether he's enough of an adult to commit to this relationship even when things aren't exciting. He also has to choose whether he's willing to take steps with you to keep the romance alive.

As to the issue of his looking at other women: men are highly visual creatures. If you're going to get upset every time your partner looks at other women either in film or in real life, then you will make yourself sick. What a man thinks about or looks at is not a problem; the essence of fidelity is in what he does. In other words, the rule should be: "Look, but do NOT touch!" His ability to love you, respect you, and remain faithful to you is not effected by his ability to appreciate a pretty woman. On the other hand, he should keep his mouth shut and not talk about what he sees. Even women who accept that their men look at others do not want to hear about it.

The big problem in your question is the issue of his hurting you. No one has the right to hurt you. NO means NO. If you enjoy or tolerate a certain amount of "rough play", good for you. But, the first moment that you say NO, STOP, GET OFF ME, it is his DUTY as your husband to respect your wishes and do as you ask. If he can't or won't, then he isn't fit to be anyone's husband and you should seek professional counseling and/or legal assistance at once. And, if he is physically or verbally abusive, then you should leave at once and notify the authorities.

Answer 5

sorry you're going through all of this. regarding the sex part....it changes when you marry or live with someone. I've been married for 1yr and we just do it as often...not time, i guess. I don't think you should get so mad when he wrestlers with you....just play back with him. don't get so mad that you have to walk out. I would get mad about the porno's too but you married him knowing that side of him. All you can do about that is tell him not to see it in front of you because it makes you feel insecure.
If none f this works try marriage counseling.

Answer 6

Without knowing both of you answers can vary. He could simply be scared and feeling trapped and is rebelling, so to speak, by being overly aggressive and pushing the limits. Personally though, always be yourself no matter what, don't try to be what you think he wants. The marriage may have come too soon for him and he wasn't ready and he could be too scared to say something. Talk to him, communication is key for any relationship, but you husband should repect you, and your wishes, as hard as it may be if he continues to follow this path you might need to seek counciling or possibly consider ending things. Thats worst case scenario though. Try giving him some space for a while, even at work. Marriage can be a scary thing. I wish you best of luck

Answer 7

Your Husband has a problems that even he may not realize. One problem is his obsession with pornography. The other is a control freak problem. If you are already saying you want to cheat on him then YOU have a problem. This marraige is a mess so far. I suggest you do some soul searching to ask yourself IF you REALLY want this marriage to work. If the answer is YES then get counseling(even if you have to go alone) If the answer is NO then get out as soon as possible, but give yourself some time to really think about it. Do you have any children, that is a factor to also consider.

Answer 8

Hmmm...perhaps we're not as on excellent of problems with issues as we are expecting of. I examine this non secular textual content once that announces "Human issues at the on the spot are not solved by using human moves." So what if issues are in simple terms fated to be? from time to time that is sweet, from time to time that is undesirable. perhaps because we are so busy in our heads attempting to ascertain issues out and make issues take position that we are expecting of we are the reason behind the end result when we're not. Hmmm...that absolutely would clarify the way you may want to doubt your self on something a lot and nonetheless have a superb second that enhances your ego in some unspecified time sooner or later. i don't like the position this is going. i'm actual huge on manifesting one's desires. i imagine i'd be truly disillusioned if i got here upon out that each and every thing I artwork so problematic to make take position become going to take position besides even if I had in simple terms stayed on the settee. ;D

Answer 9

As hard and callous as this may sound, I think and I am a little more than convinced that this man is taking you for granted. Most people take their partners for granted and assume because of "marriage" the other half will NOT walk away. In my case? I WALKED (real fast). I would not allow my wife (now ex) to take me for granted and cheat on me and have her think that because of marriage I HAVE to stay with her. Just think about this for a moment and know ultimately what you need to do. Hope this helps.

Answer 10

Tell him exactly how you feel. If you can't come to an agreement after another few months, then get out of the marriage. Even if it is marriage, if things aren't going the way you want them to, you have the choice to end it. If he treats you like that, he obviously has some problems somewhere.

Answer 11

WOW~ that truely SUCKS and so does HE~ Tell him that it bothers you and if he doesn't care then leave him! He seems as if he doesn't care though and that is wrong of him. He sounds like a controlling pig...sorry! but that is what it sounds like to me. I would never put up with that behavior from any man.......you don't deserve to be treated like a little girl........YOU are a woman! You deserve better than this crap. He is controlling and looking at porn and not you well......that would tell me everything I needed to know that's for sure. If it is driving you crazy then I assume you are about fed up with him right? well go crazy no more! Pack your bags and leave.............................................good luck~