He went to AA, anger management and promises to never do it again.
2006-07-10 08:10:21 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's a tough one...
...I would say that you have to know in your mind body and soul that things are truely different. It's not just about you anymore as you are aware.
Typically, we are creatures of habit and do not change. But significant events can force an evolution on the toughest of people. No-one knows this person better than you. Do you think this was enough to change him? Can you really be easy about being around this person again?
Look past the love and the time you spent and see the individual you are considering to share your life with again. Make sure that you see what things really are, and not what you wish them to be.
2006-07-10 08:16:57 · answer #1 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you ready to join Al-Anon? Are you prepared to never, ever have another drink? Ready for him to run off to meetings, leaving you with the kids every night, because it's what he MUST do for his sobriety? Do you want your kids raised in a household where one or both parents are off every evening to meetings?
If he gets sucked into the group, that's what you can look forward to. If you fail to measure up to these responsibilities, he, with the blessings of his AA buddies, will declare that you don't understand and it's quite likely he'll take up with some 12step bimbo. They swap mates in the rooms faster than in high school.
Read some of the stories in the link below and ask yourself, "Am I ready for an involvement with a cult member? Will my life be better or worse with him in the picture?"
Of course, maybe your husband is using AA temporarily, just to create a change in his life. Some members do and leave after a short time with only positive effects. Is he talking of AA as a life-long decision? If so, I'd advise against it, or at least give it some time to see how it plays out.
2006-07-10 09:12:32 · answer #2 · answered by raysny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Promises can be broken. Before you left, how many times did he say he was sorry and would never do it again? Surely you realize that it's very hard for a person to change dramatically so soon. Generally it takes A LOT for someone to change something that serious. Consider your kids. They are THE most important. NEVER put yourself first, especially if he abused them as well.
2006-07-10 08:20:22 · answer #3 · answered by sglesxyldy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ask yourself one question. Will you ever be in the middle of an argument with him or do something that he doesn't like and not be afraid? I've been there with my ex-husband, yeah he tried to change and gave up the booze but when it came right down to it I was always waiting for the next time he would lose control. It was always in the back of my mind. There is no one on this earth worth that. You deserve more that to always have to wonder if 10, 20 yrs. from now he loses his temper and you are right back where you are now except that you have wasted that time. Good luck!
2006-07-10 08:37:50 · answer #4 · answered by j_t3006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is going to happen the next time he gets angry? You were right to leave, you don't want your kids to grow up in a violent household. And if he thought his anger was out of control, why didn't he get help before? If you go back he will be good for a while and then he will most likely fall back to his old abusive self.
2006-07-10 08:20:30 · answer #5 · answered by Tzipor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust me coming from experience as a child in the relationship it is hard enough going through a divorce but to go back to the situation again and it not work out or end the same way is even harder you have gotten on with your life and you were right for doing what you did don't second guess yourself no matter what the circumstances from
a person speaking from first hand experience good luck with moving on in your life and be proud of yourself for standing up for you and your children
2006-07-10 08:21:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell you what to do here, no one can.
I will share this with you: My first husband was abusive. I went back to him three times, until it nearly cost me 20 years in a state prison for women.
1. During this time, he beat me, and left me with bleeding welts, where no one could see them. 2. He had beat me, threw me to the floor, and came down on my abdomen with his knees, killing our unborn baby. 3. He had taken a hunting knife to me, and I ran.. the very last moment he changed his mind and I was hit between the shoulder blades with the handle of the knife.
He was always sorry, and always promised..
Even after the divorce, and long into my present marriage.. I was always looking over my shoulder, being ready to protect my children (from the present marriage).
I will still, from time to time, search for him on the web, just so I know where he is. Do I live in fear, yes.. even after all these years.
2006-07-10 08:43:36 · answer #7 · answered by sassy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Promises are made to be broken.
I'd suggest that if you REALLY love him to start out fresh. Go on a couple of dates, spend some time together, but don't move in with him or give it up to him. (as if you do, he has you where he wants you) Make sure the changes are permanent before you jeopardize you and your children's happiness or lives.
2006-07-10 08:14:05 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LISTEN DON'T DON'T GO BACK HE WILL NEVER CHANGE EVER NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY TO BELIEVE HE CHANGED THAT'S BULLS**T HE HASN'T.
KEEP A POSITIVE ASPECT OF THE SITUATION, KEEP YOUR CHILDREN OUT OF THAT. THOSE ARE ALL SIGNS, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE VICTIMS NEED TO OPEN THEIR EYES. GET OUT OF THERE QUICK AND STAY OUT. A PHYSICAL FIGHT COULD LEAD TO DEATH, GOD FORBID.
MY COUSIN WAS A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND SHE DIDN'T LISTEN TO OUR ADVICE, AFTER SO MANY YEARS AND TWO KIDS SHE DECIDED IT WAS ENOUGH. AND IT WAS ALMOST TO LATE, ONE DAY HE WENT INTO HER HOME AND TRIED TO KILL HER AND THE CHILDREN LUCKILY SHE FOUGHT AS HARD AS SHE COULD AND GOT OUT OF THE HOME WITH HER BABIES. MOMENTS LATER AS SHE DROVE AWAY HE PUT THE HOUSE ON FIRE, THEN JUMPED ON THE HOOD OF HER CAR. SHE WAS ABLE TO GET HIM OFF BECAUSE SHE JUST KEPT DRIVING. HE'S IN PRISON NOW BUT WHO KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN HE'S OUT?
HE IS A GROWN MAN HE DOES WHAT HE KNOWS, VERY LITTLE AN ADULT CAN BE CHANGED. WHEN YOU ARE CHILD YOU BECOME THE PERSON YOU WHERE RAISED TO BE, AND YOUR ACTIONS AND PERSONALITY ARE APART OF WHAT YOU SAW AS A CHILD. SO THAT'S WHY I SAY ITS VERY DIFFICULT TO CHANGE AN ADULT. SO DO THE RIGHT THING STAY OUT DON'T ALLOW HIM TO MAKE YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN SUFFER ANY LONGER.
2006-07-10 08:24:47 · answer #9 · answered by neli 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No don't go back,He says he has changed but after a few months of getting back together he will be the same as he was when you left.
2006-07-10 09:34:23 · answer #10 · answered by TinkerBell 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋