no family to lean on
no place to call home
no one to talk to
no one to understand
scared to speak
not one single friend
so far from the people who know you
so close to the people who dont
just want to run to them
but so much pride you know you wont
breaking down inside with **** left unsaid
the one person you knew the most
can no longer be read
trapped inside a life
almost feels sureal
but this is reality
and today this is how i feel
strugglling with my new best friend
which is now paper and a pen
cant even be honest while im writing
scared to read what i wrote
trying to live like this
just wanting to learn to cope
harder and harder it gets every day
to think what i want
and speak what i want to say
dont want to fight or argue
never was able
cant deal well with stress
my hearts to fragile
my mind so unstable
tears falling so fast i cant win
my minds yelling be strong
but i cant hold them in
destruction is a *****
and we all go through it
i just hope somedayto get out of it
because its tearing us apart
and hurting my heart
theres only so many chips it can take
untill it is a totall break
theres already some there so please dont take to long
dont turn our realtionship into another sad song
2006-07-10 07:59:44 · 4 answers · asked by sadbear420 1 in Health ➔ Women's Health
I think it shows intense creativity and honesty. I can certainly relate to a lot of the subject matter. The wonderful thing about poetry is that you can express yourself in any way, shape, or form that you desire. Good luck with your writing. Don't let others' judgements determine what you write. Poetry is how YOU feel. As long as you are satisfied with the end result, and feel that you have put into words what you are feeling --- then, you are a poet.
2006-07-10 08:28:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok, well you have a good sense of hurting, depression, pain, angst, and all those other negative emotions... and your rhyming ability is good, vocabulary is pretty good... the problem with this as a "poem" is that it doesnt follow anysort of method or scheme.
For example, look up "iambic pentameter", notice the scheme it has to fall into...
there are many different types of poetry; sonnets, limricks, etc....
Youre poem has great feeling in it, I really felt like I was a lost, confused, hurting person trapped in a whirlwind of negative emotion... but try to follow a strict guideline of flowing (like the iambic pentameter I just used as an example)
A really good poet can use these words you wrote, and edit them to fit into a certain way...
It helps with things like this poem; your poem is simply one long continuation, instead of having a break every 5 lines, 10 lines etc. or having any repeating chant or chorus ( if I may use this word)...
for example, what if you added :" because it's hurting my heart" to every 5th line. and entitled ur poem "hurting my heart" youd see it flow nicer, and have even deeper meaning....
Remember, there is a difference between poetry and song lyric writing and this sounds more like song lyrics, which is fine if you are a musician or writing for one... but if you want to be a poet, it needs more guidelines.... good luck, hope to read more of yours on here!
2006-07-10 15:09:38 · answer #2 · answered by Peter Griffin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its really good. its so true in everyones life. Its deep but still sad. but lose the swear word.
2006-07-10 15:05:11 · answer #3 · answered by gymnastxo8 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have alot of feeling for hate..^^
2006-07-10 15:30:16 · answer #4 · answered by Grack 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋