You're all going to think I'm crazy but.. my wife and I have known (dated/married) one another for 11 years. We never had true intercourse until two years after we were married (by then we had been together 9 years). I had happily waited because I thought it was in her head that she had to wait until marriage. Now that we have finally had sex, I am rather upset with how bad she is at it. It's not much fun as she complains that it hurts when I move to quickly. There are only two positions allowed, and I'm not content with that. I am much more sexual than she is, and I feel a great need for more variety in the bedroom.
What do you all think? Is this bad sex life a good reason for divorce? We have no children, but own a house together. I have been looking elsewhere to fill this void.
2006-07-10 07:58:58 · 54 answers · asked by a_red_wine_guy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dood. I had a situation much like yours. My advice is to stick it out (no pun intended). Go to a sex therapist and work it out. As much as I love sex. I wish to god I would have not gotten divorced. I miss my X-wife. she was a GREAT woman except in the bed room.
You were with this woman for some reason and you married her for a reason. Make it work!
Good luck.
2006-07-10 08:04:31 · answer #1 · answered by jeepfaust 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think a "bad" sex life is a reason for divorce, because it can be changed. You need to talk to her about how you feel and that you want to have a more active sex life with her, because you love her.
If she is having pain during sex she needs to go see an obgyn and get checked out to make sure she isn't having any female problems. Her doctor might also be able to suggest ways to minimize discomfort or avoid it all together. Another thing you might try is some lubrication - she might be in pain because there is too much friction and not enough wetness.
You might be frustrated but be patient and let her know you are willing to work slowly into things. Take your time when you are being intimate with her, try different positions and let her be on top so she has control over the speed/depth.
If nothing else works, get into marriage counseling - and figure out what is causing her to not want to have sex or what might be holding her back from really enjoying an active sex life.
2006-07-10 08:04:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely, without question, it is - unfortunate as that may seem.
It is important that we not understimate the importance of a healthy physical relationship. If you are finding your love life lacks sparks, she will come to feel inadequate and the tension will escalate, often manifesting itself in other ways.
Certainly, a therapist should be your first stop. The hope would be that it would not come to divorce, assuming there is a way to fix your broken sex life. But we all know what happens in these situations - we see it and hear it and read it time and again. Dissatisfied partners find satisfaction in other places, and that would not be fair to anyone - least of all your wife. She would not want a relationship with you if she knew you were always out seeking other partners for sexual gratification, and it would only be a matter of time before it would come to divorce over infidelity. Sex is a mysteriously powerful force that makes people - men and women - behave in ways that are often in conflict with our lives' other interests.
So before you cheat and become an adulterer for life, it's better to break things up now, or she'll end up with the entire house.
You both need to understand what the other needs - and clearly this did not happen prior to marriage (an argument for premarital sex if ever there were one). If you are grossly incapatible sexually, then the option to sever the relationship needs to be left on the table for serious consideration.
2006-07-10 08:19:48 · answer #3 · answered by www.ayntk.blogspot.com 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What the hell is wrong with these women?!?!? Maybe you guys should consider going to "bedroom" counseling, often times the counselor can get it through her head that sex is normal, and fun damnit! I don't think that it is a good reason for divorce, but if you are looking elsewhere, then there is definitely a problem. That just causes more problems in the long run. I would let her know that you are considering not being faithful because of these problems, she may change her tune pretty quick. Good luck!
2006-07-10 08:03:57 · answer #4 · answered by nellieb_959 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a lot more to marriage than sex. If you were willing to wait that long to have sex with your wife, than she must have been worth it for you.
Obviously, she isn't comfortable having sex. I'm sure she realizes you are unsatisfied also (whether you say it or not). It will make a huge difference if you can make her feel comfortable. She probably doesn't feel emotionally secure & physically sexy. Have you (caringly) talked to her about what she doesn't enjoy about sex? Do you make her feel wanted? Find out the problem & help her overcome it. Once she is more willing to have sex, she will probably start to have fun with it.... thus, becoming more experimental.
Discover what makes her feel good... experiment with sexual activities other than actual intercourse at first... touching, etc... have you ever given her an orgasm?
Sex is about pleasure! What pleases her? If she's lovin' it, she's not going to turn it down!
Furthermore, do you want her to get rid of you when you are old and impotent???
2006-07-10 08:19:38 · answer #5 · answered by .·:*RENE*:·. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that a bad sex life is a very good reason for a divorce but I am not on your side at all. The reason that you have a bad sex life is your attitude, it is not her fault. She saved herself for you that is an honor and you have the audacity to be upset because she is "bad at it". If she is bad at it that is your fault. And if you get divorced that is your fault too for CHEATING on her. You have the ability to make a woman love sex by taking the time and learning her body and what she needs. She needs to trust in your committment to her in order to open up to you fully and be able to experience great sex. You have ruined that by cheating. You will never fix your marriage by looking outside of it for what you need. You should turn to your wife and communicate your needs to her and she could then communicate her fears to you and you would be amazed at how close you will feel. She deserves more from you than what you are giving to her.
2006-07-10 08:16:39 · answer #6 · answered by mitchsgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutly not! This is a great chance to expand her mind! The poor girl is inexperienced and you should be her teacher! If need be, take her to counseling so you can discuss the issue openly, but really, do you want to look back on these 11 years of your life as a waste? Every woman feels a bit intimidated and scared and worried so sometimes they react by pretending like they don't like certain positions or techniques. Ask her to be more open to trying new things. Talk to her about her body and yours and encourage her above everything else to masturbate! Women are very private about this, but she needs to really learn about her own body! If she loves you and wants to be a good wife, she'll need to learn how to be more open. Don't give up! There's still hope!
2006-07-10 08:05:29 · answer #7 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Heck no, Divorce in your case is NOT justified!!!
Perhaps you need some honest "Couples Therapy"
You may each need some individual counseling for some issues of which you may have never realized you had.
Once you are healthy there are some quality Marriage/Sex books which can provide you with a way to enhance your own sexual experience.
Rathar than be upset that you are not getting your sexual need met, ask yourself, what is it that is truly causing your wife to not enjoy the sexual part of your relationship?
2006-07-10 08:04:02 · answer #8 · answered by warequalspeace 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some women are like this. Classic situation. Now she has three kids with you and can control you for at least the next 18 years of your life. You will pay a massive amount of child support and she will never work because quite simply she won't have too. She has the good ole government backing her up with her three kids and your child support. I feel for you but you are stuck. I say get out now. Always remind your kids that you love them and try to spend as much time with them as you can. The judge will most likely never give you custody unless mom is a crackhead. But he should at least give you fair parenting time. You don't need a women like this there are lots of good women out there. I was divorced and now I have found the love of my life and best friend! Good Luck!
2016-03-26 23:56:41 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people say sex isn't the most important thing in a marriage... but ask the person who's not getting any, how important it is.
Love is the most important thing, but trust & supplying needs are vitally important.
Hopefully, a therapist could help solve the problem... if not, then don't continue putting yourself (or your wife) thru misery... divorce would be better than a marriage that undoubtedly wouldn't work because of needs not being met.
My sister & her hubby went thru similar circumstances... she couldn't be there for him physically, he looked elsewhere & they ended in divorce.
Sometimes, it's just physically impossible.
2006-07-10 08:21:52 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean looking elsewhere to fill this void? cheating? if so just divorce if it came to that. If not then its not a solid reason no? Have you really sat down and talked to her about this? Also most women that dont like their bodies what experience their full potential in bed. (exericise makes a better sex life). BUt i guess the right answer is if YOU feel like its a solid reason then go for it...your suppose to be happy right?
2006-07-10 08:05:18 · answer #11 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋