Im sick! im hardly ever sick, maybe once a year or less. i feel like crap. tell me a joke or just make me feel better, PLEASE.
2006-07-10 07:03:34 · 14 answers · asked by BeAuTiFuL 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
I like your avatar......
I just go to sleep and maybe watch a good movie.
Mostly I just go to sleep if I get sick.
So go to bed, if you can..
2006-07-10 07:09:15 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A blonde and brunette sit watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is threatning to jump off a bridge.
the blonde says to the brunette i bet you ?100 that he doesn't jump the brunette replies ' ok i bet you ?100 that he does jump.
Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself. the blonde gets out ?100 and gives it to the brunette.
The brunette says 'i can't take you money.' 'Why not replies the blonde?' 'Because i watched the 12 '0' clock news and he was on then so i knew that he was going to jump.' The blonde replied 'i watched the 12 'o' clock news aswell but i didn't think that he would jump again'
2006-07-10 14:46:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rockstar vibe - I've seen your answer elsewhere by another poster. The reason I remember it is because it's so so so long and got bored reading it. Keep your audience my getting it shorter like this one:
What's Brown and Sticky?
A Stick
2006-07-11 19:31:00 · answer #3 · answered by brian h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get some soup and watch Oprah
2006-07-10 14:23:41 · answer #4 · answered by Judas Rabbi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why couldn't the retard get into the restaurant .....................because the door said push not pull! he he he. oh try spinning around in your computer chair it's really fun when chair flies all over the place......well for me anyway because I'm 10 1/2 and I enjoy a nice spin in my computer chair.
2006-07-10 14:10:17 · answer #5 · answered by jallane24 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hope u start feeling better.
2006-07-10 14:08:34 · answer #6 · answered by butterfly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did the fly fall off of the toilet seat?
He was p*ssed off.
2006-07-10 14:08:15 · answer #7 · answered by Leroy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
drink some soup
2006-07-10 14:16:06 · answer #8 · answered by mimi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Your soooooo pretty and your the bestest friend we have and we love you!" Hehehehe :-) Get better soon!
2006-07-10 14:07:08 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
here are some. i hope you feel better .
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There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks.
He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk.
The cat starts to stumble on home. As the cat comes to the train tracks, he doesn't notice a train coming down the tracks.
As he started to cross the tracks, the train zoomed by, and cut off his tail. The cat turned it's head to see the damage, got his head stuck into the side of a speeding box car, and is instantly decapitated.
The moral of the story — don't lose your head over a piece of tail!
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A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago. He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.
When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be passing up a big salary increase and greater benefits.
His co-worker said to reconsider and that Chicago was a magnificent city, with world class museums, loaded with a great history, sites, close to Canada, good public transportation, etc.
Then he said: "Why I myself worked in Chicago for almost 10 years and in all that time I never ever had a problem with crime while I was working."
The first asked, "What did you do there?"
To which the other replied, "I was tail-gunner on a bread truck."
____________________________
Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on a lonesome Texas prarie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tales begins.
The first one says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands."
The second cowboy can't stand to be bested. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen-foot rattlesnake slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."
The third cowboy remained silent, silently stirring the coals with his hands.
_______________________________
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes
Yo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends
Yo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon
Yo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read
Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo mama so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!
Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!
Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!
Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!
Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!
Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!
Yo mama so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.
Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.
Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"
Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."
Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.
Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.
Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.
Yo mama so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.
Yo mama so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.
Yo mama so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.
Yo mama so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.
Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.
Yo mama so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!
Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl
Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!
Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!
Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!
Yo mama so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
Yo mama so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.
Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.
Yo mama so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.
Yo mama so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.
Yo mama so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.
Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
Yo mama so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.
Yo mama so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.
Yo mama so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.
______________________________________
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
A command was given to a dog: "SPEAK!"
The dog said in return: "Not without my lawyer present!"
Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers
Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
Q: What?s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
__________________________________
ANWSER MACHINES
-Well I finally got an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmmm, I wonder what this button does...
-You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me...
-Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll... don't even think about it!... Don't...!
-Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm so depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.
-Due to the large number of complaints regarding the length of our previous answering machine message, we made a few changes. Double speed: Insert standard long-winded message here.
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HOPE YOU ENJOYED THATT !!!
2006-07-10 14:14:56 · answer #10 · answered by [?] PANiC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋