I have been married for 3 years now with a man I thought I knew and loved. Now we have two kids together and I am barely getting to know the real him the ugly him. He does drugs and stays out and parties and night. While I stay home and take care of the kids and have to go to school the next day. Everything was ok until our second child was born. I think I should leave him but I don't know how to be without him. My question is should I bare with it till he changes which he said he will or should I move on with my life and my kids and see what the future holds for me?
2006-07-10 06:42:37 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
baby girl, you need to move out. it'll be painful at first but it's for the best. not only for yourself but also for your kids. if you stay, trust me, he won't change.
2006-07-10 06:46:26 · answer #1 · answered by harmony 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why haven't you left yet? When did he say he was going to change? Did he mean now or next week or next year or when he feels like it? Your kids don't need a druggie for a father, they deserve better! Even he only did it on the weekends, it's still wrong. He is a man, a husband, and a father, and he needs to act like it. Not to say he can't have fun, but you can go out and party without being high or drunk. I know you don't want to leave him because you love him, you have proven that by standing by him this long. But this is not the man you married-did you marry a drug-partying guy. Hope not, but if you did then yes, this is your husband. But if this behavior just started-then somebody else has taken over your husband's body. You can't make him change, you could beg all you want, till he wants to change-it won't happen. I am sorry, but that's fact! Talk to him tell him flat out it either stops or you and kids walk. If he gets mean when he does the drug or drinks-then you do need to be very careful, ok. Ask him "WHY" you deserve a answer, it mighjt be something you don't want to hear, but you do have the right to know why this is going on. If there is a problem he is dealing with by doing drugs and the partying-then maybe then you can help. But that's no life for you and certainly the children, if he refuses to stop this.
Your and those kids lives could be effect-say if he has drugs in the house or in the car. A guy just trade a Harley for a $100 bag of crack the other day, do you think he wouldn't trade his house for the next time he needs that high. I am trying to scare you, because you are in a scarey situation, and I don't believe in divorce, but honey he is not giving you a option if he doesn't seek help. If you want to stay, at least let the kids go some place safe because they could up in the foster care system. Do you want that? I would find a way to live without him if it meant losing my children or my freedom. I do not think I would like prision life! So, please sit him down and say "NOW LET'S TALK!" tonight sweetie before something bad happens. OK? God bless you and love you and the children and keep you all safe and may he heal your husband of his troubles so you can be a family once again......
2006-07-10 10:37:15 · answer #2 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give him an ultimatum first. Either the drugs or you and his kids. Not only do you NOT deserve to put up with that, but neither does your children. Children see a whole lot more than we think they do. They also feel emotions more than we think they do. If you love him and he says he will change, give him a chance to prove it. If he proves that he cannot change, then I would say move on. Drugs in a relationship is destructive, especially when children are involved. They don't deserve to have a drug addicted Dad. Give him a time limit. Tell him if he doesn't get his sh*t together in so many weeks, then you will leave. He will then see that you are serious about the decision you have made. Protect your kids from living with addiction. You'll never be sorry for it. If you husband loves you and the kids, then he will see to it to get the help he needs with his addiction.
2006-07-10 06:56:31 · answer #3 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is doing drugs and parties all night and this is not your thing then you should tell him how it makes you feel using the words "I feel..."
Tell him something like "I feel like if there are drugs in our marriage then I don't want to be in our marriage." Tell him "I feel like our marriage needs to get rid of the drugs and partying to be healthy."
Then invite him to go to AA or NA with you. If he won't go then you should go alone and tell him your going. Ask the group what they think you should do as they have a ton of experience dealing with what you're going through.
If he won't get clean, then he has chosen drugs over you and it will be time for you to leave. I would say start these actions and give it 45 days to see any changes. If nothing changes, leave.
2006-07-10 06:53:40 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should give him an ultimatum.. In a non-confrontational way, sit down when you have some alone time and let him know how you feel. Let him know if this continues he is only going to push you away. Also, if you want to work it out, make sure you tell him that. Let him know if he is willing to change you will support him. But if he just doesn't care to, you're out. Do what's best for you and your children. It won't be healthy to remain in that type of marriage. Maybe mention counseling. Just remember if you are unhappy, your children will see it, and they will be unhappy too.
2006-07-10 10:26:55 · answer #5 · answered by ready4answers 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give him sometime to change since he said that he would. If in a couple of months if he does not change I would take the kids and leave since you do not want your kids to grow up around someone that does drugs.
2006-07-10 06:47:15 · answer #6 · answered by brown eyes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum if you would like it to work, 1 month or your off. No drugs, parties ect. If he doesent do it. Get a place and money sorted for you and the kids and go, sounds like your heading for alot of heartache, good luck
2006-07-10 06:49:57 · answer #7 · answered by leigha 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People don't change, if any, they get worse.
Get a job and stand on your feet for the sake of your kids and your own. Get your finances together so you can afford being on your own.
Don;t wait forever, life is too short to be miserable and your kids deserve a healthy enviroment to grow up.
Good luck
2006-07-10 06:48:35 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no easy way to handle this unfortunately he is not going to change on his own and he obviously doesnt think enough of you to stop doing what hes doing who knows what else hes doing out there while your alone with the children careful sweetie or you just might get worse from him then you think. you must take tose children out of that situation and do bettrer by them if he Loves you it will give him a Jolt of wake up and smell the coffee you must protect yourself and your beautiful children.
2006-07-10 06:51:23 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
XXXXXXXXXXXXX why put yourself and your kids through this torture. You must show tough love and keep you family, you and your kids together. If he was so worried about you all he wouldn't be doing the things he's doing. Leave. Maybe this will give him a wake up call. Your nearest department of Social Services will help. Stop torturing your kids and yourself. This is mentally draining for all. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
2006-07-10 06:47:33 · answer #10 · answered by asoldierswife 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get smart and do the latter. The drugs have already changed him and the real guy is not coming back. Move on!
2006-07-10 06:47:49 · answer #11 · answered by miss-snoopy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋