I've been living with my boyfriend of 10 months. (he moved in 3 months after we started dating and we've spent every day together since we met) We became the best of friends and never fought except about my dog. This weekend he changed suddenly and i'm so confused. He threatened to break my finger, said I was crazy and left me at a restaurant. He later said that he wasnt sure he cared about me and told me to get out of the apartment. I tried talking to him and he said he doesnt remember saying those things. He admitted that he didnt feel good about what he did but he didnt have the balls to apologize. He has a son in another country and misses him dearly. Things he has said makes me feel like if i wasnt in his life he wouldnt really care. Is this normal to see such a change in a peronality after 10 months? Could he have a disorder of some sort?
I don't know if i should tell him to move out.- its my apartment. I'm very confused - any advice would help. Thanks.
2006-07-10 05:41:17 · 10 answers · asked by Queen Nefertiti 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Give it three days. Talk little. Then ask him what's up. Whatever he tells you, ask him to REALLY tell him what's on his mind. Then drop it. Maybe he can't express it properly at the moment - I know I can't when I'm worked up.
If the behaviour doesn't revert to normal, discuss his future in YOUR flat/house together.
2006-07-10 05:46:56 · answer #1 · answered by Andr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will have to listen to heart on this one, you already know the answer to your question, you just need time and maybe help to realize it.
I do not know why your boyfriend of ten months would suddenly change like that, it could be that something drastic just changed in his life, something he doesn't want to tell you about. Then again, it may not be too. I am sure that you still do really care for him, you wouldn't be asking this question otherwise, and perhaps he still does for you too. So ask him what is wrong, remind him that you two are in love and that you should share everything with each other. Tell him that what happened is bothering you and if he still won't budge...and nothing changes, then perhaps it is time to move on. Don't stay in a relationship that will destroy who you are.
but for now, just give it a little time, we are all entitled to a bad weekend here and there!
2006-07-10 12:49:32 · answer #2 · answered by greenguy415 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Any sudden change in behavior or personality is not a good thing.
Had he been in an accident lately? Blows to the head can cause personality changes. So can chemical imbalances (ex. depression). People with certian health problems (diabeaties and heart problems for example) can also have mood swings. Drug or alcohol use (or associated withdraws) can also be a trigger.
But you have to admit that this is all besides the point. He threatened you. Whether he "remembers" it or not, and it will happen again. Don't risk having things esclate to violence. You need to make sure that you are the only one on the lease and then tell him to get out. Don't be there while he's leaving. Have things packed for him and tell him to go. I wouldn't recomend giving him time to find a place because it he will be very hard (and possibly dangerous) to live with while he's looking for one.
I was in a very simmilar situation with my last boyfriend. He moved in with my family just after Christmas durring our senior year of high school. He went from being a total sweetheart to being nasty. He was not happy about me going to college (even though it was just a community college and I was still living at home). He threatened to intentionally wreck while he was driving with me in the vehicle. I refused to ride with him anymore. It wasn't very long after that incident that he and I broke up. but he continued to live with us under very tense conditions. He kept begging me to take him back and I refused. He stayed with us until things esclataed into violence between him and my mother. He was then not allowed to come back to the house except to collect his belongings. It has since been widely rummored that he was into either oxycotin or heroin. It is also evident that he has robbed several places. After he moved out we found several hundred dollars missing that my parents kept hidden in different locations around the house.
Learn from my mistake. When the first signs show themselves, get out!!!
2006-07-10 12:59:24 · answer #3 · answered by nobodysangel_nobodysfool 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a man who had nowhere else to go, needed companionship, and a roof over his head. He probably thought you were nice, attractive, and motivated enough to get into an appartment, but he didn't think about how your feelings would evolve by moving in together. He's not ready to be in a relationship. He's looking for a live-in lover. Unfortunately, many men are not prepared to advance through the steps it takes to live and grow with another person in a fixed setting.
Moving in so quickly was probably out of nessecity and not because he wanted to take your relationship to the next level.
If he's being abusive, get out of the relationship, even if you have to give up "your" appartment to do so.
2006-07-10 12:55:54 · answer #4 · answered by moakleyman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good thing ur only 10 months in...get out! It'll be easier now than if you wait. Usually a change of behavior like that means he's cheating anyway. Besides, upbrupt behavior change is a BAD thing, and I promise ya sister, it does NOT get better, it does NOT go back to the way things were. At all. A lot of women would call this "showing his true colors." The first 10 months up to this point has been lovey-dovey & mushy, and now you're seeing the real him. Get out of the relationship & move on to someone that communicates to you both verbally & nonverbally that if you weren't in his life he would not be happy.
2006-07-10 12:49:51 · answer #5 · answered by Back in the Day 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well whyy did he say you were crazy? theres no tellig, but talk to him when hes calm, tell him you love him and wanna work this out. Ask him to maybe see a doctor about it, it could be bi polar. but defiantely give him some time. b/c if it is bi polar disorder than you need to know that mood swings can be violent and out of nowhere at anytime. Hopefully u guys make it through this
2006-07-10 12:48:04 · answer #6 · answered by rednecksurfer_roxy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pay attention to the signs girl this dude sounds like he will be abusive you are gonna HAVE to face it and let it him go they always start off nice next thing you know you are a statistic saying he wasn't like that when we met he just changed think about it if he started off acting that way would you have stuck with him? no you are reeled in by the good guy routine no sweetheart let him go or you will be back talking about" my bf hit me should i leave it is only the 1st time"
2006-07-10 12:48:07 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i thing it normal but if you ain't giving him no more *** or having sex with him that what might happen. Or he just want to see other people, because some people don't like to go with the same people for a long time. you might need to as him some question.
2006-07-10 12:49:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all im sorry i know how it is to lose a long term relasionship. mabey you could suggest that you go to see a doctor if you think he might have a disorder or mabey counsiling. or you could just not listen to me at all. whichever one you think is best.
2006-07-10 12:47:04 · answer #9 · answered by twilight_roxmysox 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok i say get out of there, because thats how harmful relationships form, but dont ditch him. by the way thats not very normal,. not sayin hes a bad guy tho
2006-07-10 12:49:37 · answer #10 · answered by badash88988 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋