I am 26, I have a 17 month old daughter and I am very confused about my marriage. In the past I have caught my husband in lies. (About where he has been which is usually sneaking to drink with friends) This weekend when getting into his truck i found an adult movie called 100 couples sex positions hidden behind his seat. He completely freaked out and tried to snatch it from me. It was an instructional pornographic video. Could this signal that he is cheating. When I was pregnant I busted him pay per viewing porn on our satellite and then found DVD porn stashed around the house. I found the receipt to this videa and it was dated over a month ago. He is never home alone to watch it yet it was already unwrapped. Is he watching this with another woman??? Is this grounds for a divorce. His lack of communication with me and his constant lying is tearing me apart. He tried to convince me that he was going to surprise me with it to spice things up. I dont buy it!
2006-07-10 05:18:29 · 24 answers · asked by dumbunny33 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Whew, OK, slow down just a bit. Drinking buddies watch porn, they probably don't care that it's instructional, that just means new and varied positions. You're 17 months from delivery, probably a bit insecure, is this your first child? I'm not saying you have no reason to ask questions but catch your breath a minute.
When he comes in late, you can smell whether or not he's been drinking. Avoid asking him if he has. Gets you a lie every time and doesn't do either of you any good. No it's not right for him to be out drinking while you are watching the baby but you have to figure out how to make him stop. Confrontations obviously aren't helping so...be creative. Make him want to be home. Pool table in the garage? Apartment size beer fridge? maybe new and varied positions...You can make this work, if you both try. Never threaten divorce unless your bags are packed and you've already called the attorney. Some of us guys are just a little slow with the family thing but we turn into pretty good Dads once it's properly explained to us.
Hope this helps, You're milage may vary
2006-07-10 05:37:33 · answer #1 · answered by surftele 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
From what you tell us, we can't make an accurate assumption, because maybe yes and maybe no.
I'm a 41 year old and ive been through so many stages and changes, and then ive been forced to accept the changes of things arround me too. and that was even more difficult.
Let me try to explain better. When I first met my wife, the last thing on my mind was, being responsible and paying bills and doing all kinds of other stuff. My mind was on her and her body, and how much I was going to enjoy her, and I did. But life doesnt stay that way and when things started to change and I didnt really want to change with it, problems started for me and my wife and for my marriage. The sex has alwats been good, just that it wasnt always as much as I wanted, and that made me turn to porn and desiring other women.
Now I didnt realize the affects of always watching porn, and that created other problems, I don't believe that most women act the way they do on those movies, but it took some time before I realized all this and came to accept the changes happening in my life and with me.
Ill go on to say I think this is similar for most guys,and some will come to their senses and some will be taken away.
Watching porn has a type of power and this could also lead men to seek other women.
In some cases you must ask,"what came first the porn or the affair"?
2006-07-10 05:48:54 · answer #2 · answered by the ant ! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just had a conversatoin yesterday with two of my good friends (one guy and one girl) the girl is married for about 5 years. The guy is divorced, after almost 4 years of marriage. I have been married for almost 9 years. The girl says that she feels if she isnt enough for him then he needs to leave. He shouldnt have to watch the porn. I feel if the porn is something that we can watch together or even if he watches it buy himself as long as he aint jacking it and with holding from me, its all good. The guy told me that when he and his wife we married he had to act like he wasnt interested in it at all because he was embarrassed and wouldnt have been embarrassed for his wife to find it. Although now that they are divorced she knows he buys it and she even asked him one time why he never bought it while they were married. I just think guys automatically think girls are gonna react like my friend did and its not always the case. So maybe he is just embarressed and wanted to find a way to bring it up to you. He could have just opened it to open it. Or he could have gotten from a friend. I know my husband has a few tapes that are like chain tapes you watch it and pass it on. Maybe thats the case with that tape. The question you need to ask is do you havea problem with the porn? And do you really think he is cheating on you? You may be suspicious of it but untill you know for sure, the only thing to do is talk to your husband. Hope this helps.
2006-07-10 05:47:34 · answer #3 · answered by Kell 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn doesn't mean he's cheating on you. However, lying is a big, big deal and should not be tolerated. My gut tells me that your gut is telling you to leave. If that is your spidey sense, get some distance and then make your decision and don't tear yourself up with guilt.
Your mental health and your baby are the most important things right now, and if he's lying that good enough to go. You can figure out exactly why he's lying later.
2006-07-10 07:00:51 · answer #4 · answered by Steve W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He lies to you. That is a bigger problem than porn. His lies should be enough I would think. If he lies to you about little things, what else is he lying about? How can your marriage last if it's not got a foundation of trust? You know you cannot trust him. So...how many more children will you have when he finally leaves you? What makes you think he won't?
I would honestly suggest that you and he go to marriage counseling. Right now. You need to find out the depth of this problem. Is it just porno? Or is it in fact cheating? How could you possibly know since he lies to you?
2006-07-10 06:07:03 · answer #5 · answered by Saphira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can make that decision, I think the sneaking and lies is more of an issue than the porn watching. Before you take the step of divorce, you really need to have a sit down and talk all this stuff out rationally. He needs to be honest with you and you need to be open to his needs.
2006-07-10 05:31:26 · answer #6 · answered by Linda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't leave yet! Guys and porn sometimes really goes hand in hand. Men are more aroused visually and it's quite normal. You have to have more reason or evidence other than that to say he is cheating.
Do you usually gets upset when he goes out with he's friends? If yes, that's why probably he needs to lie everytime he goes out. Men needs their buddies. It's their nature.
Think before you jump into serious decisions. Pray.
2006-07-10 07:19:24 · answer #7 · answered by spongeboob 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women get horny and seek a meaningful relationship with another human being. Guys like porm and visuals and would prefer to masturbate forever. Meaning, he's probably not cheating, just watching porm and dreaming. Discuss this and let him have his pleasures and be open-minded about it - he's a guy and you're not gonna change him. And forget about divorce - your child needs a father and porm is not grounds. Be more adult and realistic about the differences between men and women.
2006-07-10 05:27:01 · answer #8 · answered by oldbuckhorn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, it's just porn? Well, just because he has porn, doesn't mean he's cheating. I'd say that 99% of men look at porn to masturbate. He probably snatched it from you because he was either embarrassed or knew that you'd fly off the handle. I mean, all men hide their porn or try to hide the fact that they look at porn. I hate to say it's normal, but it is. Him buying porn is not a red flag that he's cheating. Look for other signs if you want to know if he's cheating. But from what you told me, it just sounds like he's a normal guy who got caught with porn.
2006-07-10 05:25:29 · answer #9 · answered by Jenn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He does have a problem...but its not neccessarily grounds for divorce! Sit down and talk to him again--seriously..tel him how you feel...dont yell at him....maybe if you remain as calm as you can and dont be judgemental...he'll open up to you...maybe he jsut has a porn addiction and nothing else....just because he has porn doesn't mean he's cheating on you. And just because he's watching porn doesn't mean that you're not good enough...maybe he isn't confident in himself and really is trying to surprise you....wouldn't you feel like a fool if that be the case....has he cheated be fore and admitted to it? If he's not cheated before then maybe you're just over reacting a little bit. Maybe he doesn't feel like he can talk to you about his problem...Try making him understand that he can talk to you....you are his wife and you'll work thorugh it. :) good luck.
2006-07-10 05:27:07 · answer #10 · answered by Nikki B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋