Has anyone ever had to deal with an exwife the is still in love with your husband/boyfriend?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years and his ex wife is still in love with him and uses the kids and everything else to keep tabs on him. She is always showing up at his work or when he goes out with his friends. At first I thought my husband was leaking it to her or something but I learned recently that she has been talking with one of his other friends alot lately and he is spilling things about when we fight and when my husband is going out and stuff. Any advice on how to handle the situation?

Answer 1

First I'd talk your husband. Tell him your thoughts / feelings on this situation and see if he can help put an end to this.

Then, if that ends up that it didn't work, then and only then would I confront her and tell her to back off that she had her chance and blew it. Sounds like she doesn't know how to let go of the past. Tell her to get her own man and a life and to leave yours alone.

Also, I'd be talking to this "friend". Tell them to keep their lips together, that your life and your husbands life is your business and that he should respect that enough to not go blabbing to your husbands ex.

And I'd be dropping this friend from your lives after that. Don't need a trouble maker around.

Answer 2

First, I would tell your husband not to confide in your relationship problems with anyone except you or maybe a therapist. Second, he should tell her himself not to go into his place of work and if they are both hanging around the same crowd, maybe he should drop out of that crowd and either find new friends that include you or just stay at home with you. I was in a similar situation that got so bad, we ended moving to another state - 4 hours away! It was great, that was 20 years ago and whenever we go back home to visit friends and family, if we run into her, she turns in the opposite direction and can't get away fast enough! All of our friends blamed her (and still do) for us having to move away. My husband and I became so much closer to one another after the move, we only had each other to depend on and we are still together, about to send our 18 year old off to college! Good luck in whatever you decide to do, but it sounds like he is the one who needs to put it to and end once and for all. If he goes out, you go out too, see how he likes it, although you know how some men are, they always seem to turn the situation around to make it look your fault for their f'ups.

Answer 3

Maybe this will help with some of the understanding or identifying--
good Luck!

Hooked on Your Ex?
Signs you're trying to keep a dead relationship alive

by Bob Maschi / Published: 07/07/2006

Sometimes, old romances are harder to get out of your head than a theme park song (like, It's a Small World, After All). Much harder. In fact, people have been known to linger emotionally in past relationships for months -- or even years! Some go so far as to convince themselves that they are no longer hooked on the old lover, though their friends and family can tell otherwise.

It's a familiar situation. After all, almost everyone has had a relationship end when they didn't want it to, and letting go is no easy task. Particularly if you don't realize you're hanging on.

Here are some signs that you're stuck on a dead relationship:

Let's start with the obvious. Nicely framed photographs of the old flame, a lock of hair and a pile of movie-ticket stubs all displayed neatly on a night table like a Wiccan altar for instance, suggests that you haven't been able to cut the cord. Don't have a shrine per say, but think that candid shot of your last trip together on the fridge doesn't count? Wrong.

Calling someone by your ex's name can be another clear clue (and a supremely embarrassing one in the bedroom and out). Sometimes this is just habit. Other times, it's a Freudian Slip - and a valuable look into what (or who) is on your mind!

And, while we're on the obvious, jealousy regarding your ex probably means you haven't let go. If the thought of them being in another relationship bothers you, then you're still hooked - at least more than you want to be. A relationship that has ended means that the two people involved no longer have any business in each others' personal affairs, no matter how hard that sounds.

More often, the hints that you haven't been able to move on are far more subtle. So subtle, that you may not even recognize them yourself!

For starters, people often blame a breakup entirely on themselves - even though it takes two people to tango. Some might blame their physical appearance, thinking that they weren't attractive enough to maintain the romance. They convince themselves that the outcome would have been so much better if they were slimmer, had a better hairstyle or wore trendier clothes. Others take this even further in a subtle attempt to reignite the romance -- they try to drastically improve their looks -- solely to show the ex "what they're missing" and without thoughts of feeling better about themselves and/or attracting someone new. Face it. True love can see beyond some blemishes, a few extra pounds or even a bad hair day!

Another sure sign you're holding on? A lot of people who are still stuck on an ex continue to engage in habits and hobbies that were familiar to the relationship, even though they have very little personal interest in them. Going to familiar places, like your regular restaurants, or even hanging out more often than usual with mutual friends can be an omen that you haven't made peace with your past.

On the other hand, going to the opposite extremes can be one of the most blatant (but often unrecognized) signs you're caught in the grip of a failed relationship. Tearing your ex's image out of your entire photo collection or burning every last gift and memento in an angry rage are signs something's not quite right. Likewise, displaying an overwhelming hostility toward your ex may mean you still place a tremendous amount of importance on that person. While anger and hurt are all normal reactions, consider that hostility is neither healthy nor attractive (and certainly doesn't do anything for the people you may start to date).

When a relationship ends, it's normal to hurt. And everyone requires time to heal. But in the interest of saving yourself too much heartache (or at least healing yourself as fully and healthily as possible), do your best not to live in the pain for too long. Pack up the pictures and other reminders of the romance and store them away. Even if you aren't interested in a new partner, try to go out and mingle with others who share your interests. Know when to call upon your friends (for counsel or for fun). Learn to appreciate yourself as an individual, rather than as half of a pair. As time goes on, you'll find that the memories fade and new, even better, opportunities will present themselves.

While a period of mourning accompanies the end of most relationships, dwelling on the past can become obsessive and damaging. Only you know when you've crossed that line.

Answer 4

Oh god. This question makes me groan! You know why? I'm currently going through a divorce now because my husband is back with his ex wife. How horrible is this? Pretty bad. I guess their love for each other will never die but to think he married me in the midst of his troubles is even worse. You dont want my opinion. I think any woman who is still after her ex has an ex that leads her on. PERIOD!!!

Answer 5

sure I easily have, between the most complicated issues to administration fairly, and it does drain you of happiness. i have suffered panic attacks, lack of urge for nutrients, feeling so indignant and disenchanted i could not sleep, bouts of crying. relies upon on how deeply in contact you're with it. no you ought to fairly say how lengthy it takes to get over it, purely time and searching someone new. i trust i have already been by potential of the worst, very last month became fairly something else, i'm starting up to sense extra perfect, no longer one hundred p.c. yet, yet getting there.

Answer 6

oh honey i just went through the same thing. cept my hubby and i have been married almost 23 years. she emails him sets him up with a secret email account. she would say im still in love with you talking to you is like getting my best friend back. so just stand up to her and to him. tell your hubby his friend is no friend and ask him to stop telling this man personal details that he can parlay to the ex. good luck sweetie.

Answer 7

u need to tell ur hubby to stop hanging around with that one snitch its for the good of yall's marriage and make sure he agrees and understands i am sorry u r having to go throught this i have been going throught that for 4 yrs but luckily my hubby doesnt see his son as often b/c his ex doesnt let him b/c of me b/c of course she doesnt like 4 me to b around her son but oh well she is the one that is hurting the kid not me and well not that i want to jinx it but we r doing good right now thank God but i wish u the best

Answer 8

You need to confront that bltch straight up...and your husband should back you up. If he doesn't he is a worthless piece of shlt. You should come first, not her @ss.

Answer 9

MOVE far away and get all new friends.