this weekend we had a special weekend planned, we were going away, out of state getting a hotel room for some alone time and to celebrate my b-day, its 2morrow but our work schedules interfere thru the week. well, we get to the other state and he decides to stop and say hi to his relatives, which is fine, but he then decides to stay there on their hidabed instead of the hotel. so i feel cheated. am i being selfish? also i am a heavy smoker and i had to smoke outside and the mosquitos were really bad. am i wrong to be upset? i was looking forward to this, we were also celebrating our anniversary, i know its over and done with but i still feel hurt, i even offered to pay for the room when he mentioned staying with his relatives.
2006-07-10 04:55:18 · 20 answers · asked by char1969 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'd be upset if I were you. Seems like a double whammy to me. He didn't spend alone time with you AND he snubbed you on your birthday.
However, a little planning might prevent this in the future. Next time pick a state where his relatives DON'T live.
2006-07-10 06:22:09 · answer #1 · answered by Saphira 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, u are not wrong to be upset. I think the first thing you should do is talk to him and tell him how u feel. Find out the reason that he didnt stick to the plan before making assumptions. Asking all of us will not help you. The answer had to come from him in order for you to move on or you will never know and always be guessing. There are other factors that could be involved. If you have been having trouble lately maybe he doesnt know what he wants at this point and didnt want to ruin a good get-a-way with the wrong attitude......just ask him!
2006-07-10 12:08:56 · answer #2 · answered by MSHOTTIE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He did let you down, but maybe he didn't realized how much. (Some men just don't perceive how much they're hurting their wives' feelings. They see events differently.)
Did you tell him point-blank how much the getaway meant to you; and that you wanted to spend it with him, alone, rather than having to split the time with other people? That you had anticipated it and looked forward to it for a long time?
[From the tone of your message, I can't figure out if you actually "spelled it out" for him, or if you just tried to be a loving wife and covered up your hurt feelings so as to not cause a fight.]
There's also the possibility that he was aware of your feelings but found a convenient excuse to "can" the weekend because he was unnerved by spending a weekend alone with you. (Sometimes men are unsettled by intensely emotional expenses, and you wanted to be closer to him and had expectations that made him feel vulnerable. Maybe he was scared of being that close to you.)
Or maybe he just decided he was having a good time with his relatives and that he didn't really care at the time about you and your feelings, he'd rather be with his family.
In any case, you are NOT being selfish.
1. It was your birthday.
2. It was your anniversary.
3. It was already preplanned, you had to travel out of state, you had to coordinate the whole trip, he had agreed a long time ago... and then he really blindsided you.
Really, some guys are not perceptive, but I personally think he must be pretty thick-headed to not comprehend how much of a faux pas his decision was and how hurt you would be by what he did.
Still, you need to tell him that you were disappointed and hurt, and how you felt over what he did, so he can deal with the result of his choices and hopefully change in the future.
Assuming he'll figure it out on his own, without clearly dealing with it, will probably just help the problem to happen again.
2006-07-10 12:08:20 · answer #3 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is just like a man... They say they are doing this special thing for you and it ends up being all about them... It sounds like he had this all planned out. I just wonder how much of the trip you payed for like gas and food and you know... He knew he had family that he probably hadn't seen in a while. So he found this time to be the perfect time to do what he wanted to do.. From the sound of it you are married. I have to say that this is probably not the only time that he has ever done something like this to you.. You just married an self centered a$$.
It will eventually get to where you will not go anywhere with him. and you will either live your life unfulfilled with a man who pretends to not have a clue on how to show you that you are special. But I think it is that he just don't care... or you will be divorced maybe not today but when you are fed up and probably in your 40's.
He isn't going to change. So you have to decide how important it is to you to be a priority in you mans life because right now your not even in his top 100.
2006-07-10 12:09:36 · answer #4 · answered by Autumns Destany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is wrong. He is selfish.
When things like that happen, you need to be firm and direct.
Make sure he knows that you are disappointed and that you feel cheated. As incomprehensible as it sounds, he probably doesn't realize that staying overnight with family is not your idea of a get-a-away. Some men think that as long as you are out of the house and you are together, that you are doing something special.
In the future, remember to say how you feel at the time something is happening and say specifically what you want to happen.
He is selfish. If you are not married, then you should just move on.
2006-07-10 12:08:10 · answer #5 · answered by limendoz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd be upset for sure. You both made plans for the weekend, and he "suddenly" changes the details of you're activities. If it's to celebrate your birthday, the trip's primarily about YOU, and was supposed to be exclusively you and him in private. Suddenly deciding to "visit" smells pretty fishy. He already knew he'd be near relatives, so either picked a different destination, or NOT stopped to chat with em. I'd only disagree to being upset on the smoking thing. I'm a light to moderate smoker myself (depending on circumstances). If people reasonably object to it, I'll usually accomodate them. Specially if it's their place.
2006-07-10 12:38:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have all the right in the world to be upset because you had something special planned and he let you down but, maybe he's trying to tell you something. Not always ina relationship are you gonna have things your way, because then it woulldn't be a relationship. How about you try to talk to him? It won't hurt and plus people here don't know your relationship as well as you do. Take Care and let me know how it goes!
2006-07-10 12:08:00 · answer #7 · answered by darknessfairie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you have reason to be upset. HOWEVER, gotta say it.
Men are dense. Have you told him any of this stuff?
Birthdays are damn special in my book. As are anniversaries.
Are you actually married? Just curious since I do not understand the full story. Something seems lacking.
2006-07-10 12:04:13 · answer #8 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Y ou have every right to be upset. I am sure that he knew that u really wanted to get that hotel room and have alone time. He was just thinking of himself.
2006-07-10 12:06:38 · answer #9 · answered by Mary W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he wants out of the relationship but can't tell you. His families house sounds like it was his scape goat. You have every right to be hurt. He shouldn't be pulling you along on a string....sort of speak. I personally would move on....especially if this isn't the first time anything like this has happened.
2006-07-10 12:02:44 · answer #10 · answered by ladychineen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋