Marriage and kids?

Question

Do you think its right for a couple to get married but decide that they don't want kids? I got into an argument with a girl that I know who said there is no point on getting married if you don't have kids. What do you all think?

Answer 1

Definitely...the sole purpose of getting married is NOT to have kids, but to have a committed union with your spouse. Some people can't have kids, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be married.
Marry the person you love, with or without the children.

Answer 2

Obviously this girl doesnt know much about relationships. If you two are happy with each other and love one another to take the next step into marriage..that is GREAT! What ever decisions you two make together is no one else's business but your own. There is nothing wrong with getting married and not having children. Some lifestyles work differently than others. I have been in a relationship with my highschool sweetheart for 12 yrs now and we have never had children. We are both in 30's. We are on the go too much and at this time, we would have no time and this wouldnt be fair to a child. We may someday have children but we will make that decision when it is right for us. Having children should not be a basis of whether or not to get married. Marriage is for when two people love one another enough to want to spend the rest of their lives together......there is not restrictions to "only if you have kids"!

Answer 3

I am very happily married and I don't want children. The point of getting married in this day and age is to be with a committed partner who loves you,knows you, supports you and understands you and you love, know, support and understand back. There are too many children on this planet already and many educated, committed people are chooseing to forego children because of this. The girl you know either hasn't thought about it or her biological clock is working overdrive, because a marriage and children are not the same thing. I like my relationship as it is, thank you and people are very right when they say that children change everything. They do, and it's usually not for the better, it's all more difficult to spend time together, to have enough money to feel secure about your future and your retirement and to manage the day to day issues in your life. A weak marriage doesn't survive children.

Answer 4

It's your marriage. What matters is that you both agree on the kid issue -- for or against.

Kids are a blessing, teach you a lot, help you grow as a person, give a lot of happiness... but are also hard work and take a lot of time to raise, and you will find yourself needing to change in some ways as a person in order to parent effectively.

It is a real stress point in the relationship, and you both need to be close in agreement -- whether to have kids, postpone, or never have them.

You also both could agree that you love each other enough that, if one of you changes your mind (as people sometimes do when they get older and needs change), you will keep reconsidering the issue and never give up on each other no matter what.

If you don't want kids and don't see this changing in the near future, and this girl is hell-bent and heaven-sent on having them, then it would be best at this time to part ways, to avoid the inevitable break-up later. Seriously.

(It will hurt now, but don't expect the problem to just disappear -- you will deal with it later, and then be REALLY stuck...)

If the relationship is important to both of you and you don't want to end it, then one of you will need to change your stance. (But it must be a real change and real commitment -- not just a "happy face, I'll try to stick it out" change. That latter type will not work in the long run.)

Answer 5

Given that people have kids without getting married, I'm not sure I see the argument. People get married ALL the time with no plans to have children. Some people are raised to believe it's a social imperative that you get married and children to propogate your genes. But for some people, myself among them, marriage is about love and mutual respect, finding someone with similar interests, spending time together, knowing there's always someone waiting for you, and having a life partner.

Answer 6

I disagree with her. You can get married and not want kids. Getting married means you commit to each other. Wanting kids or not is up to the both of you to decide. Getting married gives you exclusivity over each other which is a good thing.

Answer 7

You get married because you want to be with the other person. At the same time it is wise if not essential for you both to know ahead of time if you have the same views on having children someday because that is not something you can count on your partner changing his/her mind about, and it can become a serious problem, serious enough for people to split up over it. If both agree they prefer not to have children, why not get married, for the sake of enjoying life as a committed couple.

Answer 8

Oh I think that marriage brings people together IF THEY LET IT even if there are no kids involved or plan to be involved. Getting married even without kids is a wonderful idea.

Answer 9

That is becoming more and more normal as BOTH spouses advance in their careers before marriage. Now if one spouse wants childern and the other doesn't then it becomes a hugh problem. So if two people do not want childern it if fine, there is no such thing as "normal " any longer

Answer 10

I think it's fine for someone to not want children. Not everyone does. I personally have two, but my uncle and his wife have none. They have been happily married for over 30 years. They just decided not to have any.