Lies Mistakes,
Things i make,
you make them too,
but think what u do,
make someone cry,
or comit suaside,
but what im trying to say keep it down a little k.
2006-07-10 04:42:43 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Visual Arts ➔ Other - Visual Arts
it wasn't too bad then the end just killed it. re-write the end and it'll be better. good job though. oh and you spelled "suicide" wrong. keep writing.
2006-07-10 04:48:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it comes from your heart and it is a wonderful poem. Thank you for sharing it. People should all be more aware of each other's feelings.
On that note, please do not think I am being critical, just FYI, it is "commit suicide" as far as the spelling goes, not "comit suaside."
2006-07-10 04:48:25 · answer #2 · answered by Leah 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actaully my favorite part is the last lines. What I'm trying to say is keep it down a little k................
makes me think that your just asking for someone not to take it out on you so much..or you don't want to hear so much of someone elses pain....even if its not what you meant, the point is you made me think and feel and thats what a good writer does!!! Congrats!
2006-07-10 11:45:31 · answer #3 · answered by Jo CB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really like the first part but the last line needs a little TLC.
2006-07-10 04:50:38 · answer #4 · answered by kat54 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as a poet myself u kool but it needs a little more feeling email me and i'll give you some tips
praise_be_2_god here on yahoo
2006-07-10 04:47:53 · answer #5 · answered by me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmm interesting. by the way, its "suicide"
Keep working on it, kudos for even trying to write a poem!! :)
2006-07-10 04:47:12 · answer #6 · answered by BVZ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
rather boring and unoriginal...sorry, don't quit your day job.
2006-07-10 05:02:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was kinda lame.......to be honest
2006-07-10 05:03:15 · answer #8 · answered by Nikki 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋