What would you do if my soon to be ex threatens to end his life if I still proceed with the divorce?

Question

He cheated on me a couple of times while he was overseas. Gave chances but still cheated with different women. I chronic liar too. Should I take him seriously?

Answer 1

It's a typical move by a guy with this behavior pattern -- the chronic liar and cheater type.

He might just be saying it to purposefully manipulate you into sticking with him; or he might actually (believe it or not) feel miserable enough to want to die now that you are finally leaving him.

Emotionally, remember that he's basically a little kid -- out to do whatever feels good for himself, avoid taking responsibility for his own actions, and have you be the "adult" who cares for him and keeps him afloat while he lives his life of self-indulgence without any restraint or concern for the ones who depend on him.

You are now threatening to disrupt his life and hold him accountable for what he has done. Little kids commonly throw temper tantrums when they don't get their way, or feel like the parent (usually) doesn't love them and so say whatever they can to change their decision.

(I remember pulling the "You don't love me anymore, I just want to die," strategy myself when I was very young -- and I remember actually feeling that way even though I knew it wasn't correct.)

Stick to your guns. Don't be cruel to him, but tell him that you gave him chances to stick with the marriage, you can no longer trust what he says, he made his decision to break your marriage a few times, and now you are simply giving him what he wanted all along. (He hasn't really wanted a committed relationship at all.)

Refer him to a counseling agency, if he persists in his comments about suicide. ("I don't want you to kill yourself, but that's your decision and I can't do anything about it. If you're serious, you should call so-and-so, so they can help you get over this. But we're done with this marriage, and you need to find a way to cope.")

Again, chances are he is ultimately not going to carry through with his threat -- he's far too much in love with himself to do such a thing. Still, it's better to be safe and advise him where to go for help.

And (god forbid) if something did happen, you should not blame yourself for what he is doing with his life. Just make sure you point him in a direction where he can find help, if he needs it, so that you know you did what you could.

Answer 2

I wouldn't take him serious to be honest. I had a b/f some 20 years ago who pulled that number. He went into the bathroom with a knife and towel and sat on the loo moping. I went after him and told him to commit suicide outside because I don't want the mess in the apartment (basically called his bluff). Needless to say he never did. It's emotional blackmail. If he really wanted to commit suicide, he'd have done it already.
If you really are concerned that he's going to do it, then tell him that you intend to call the police within the next minute to stop him from doing something stupid. See if that doesn't cure his act really quickly. I'm sure he won't like having the cops come around and be forced to spend a night at the hospital... and get a record of the event. Sounds like a load of BS to me.

Answer 3

Get out even faster! Threats, be it to you or himself, are even more reason to get it done now! If he does it, then you know he was so very unstable you made the right choice before his actions hurt you worse. If he doesn't, you still made the right choice and he will agree with you in the end. Don't wait for his cheating to give you a deadly disease. Get out and don't look back. He is not going to stop cheating on you, but perhaps he will learn a lesson from you leaving him one day. Either way, it isn't your problem once your gone. Then, you can find the guy that just loves and wants you!

Answer 4

He needs serious help, both for his cheating ways and his suicidal thoughts. Sounds like he is still trying to control you and make you feel sorry for him. Get out now before he does something to hurt you (or kids if there are any involved) I've seen this play out just a couple of months ago and the hubby killed his 2 kids ages 10 and 6, shot a cop and then killed himself!

Answer 5

I think you answered your question yourself... he is a chronic liar after all. Even if he did, unless you are actually in the room to help him out when he does end his life, that would not be your problem.
How would your life be if you stay with him? Would you be happy with a cheater? You are divorcing him for a reason... think about it.

Answer 6

Just get lost. It's just threateaning. Even if he's gonna commit suicide, y should you be responsible for that? If you give in to him, oh no, the next time he cheated on you, he will use the same tactics. Won't you be sick of it if this is the guy you wanna spend the rest of your life with?

Answer 7

No, Do not allow HIM to hold anything over your head that you are NOT responsible for. He definitely has problems, and wishes to control you...."chronic liar, unfaithful"
Definitely proceed with your divorce. Request that he seek help. And PLEASE make his suicidal threat a matter of record.

Answer 8

If that's were he is in his life theres nothing you can do it's just a ploy to keep you from going throughwith the divorce you need to think about you first b/c he didn't consider you when he was cheating so screw him handle your business!

Answer 9

What a manipulative lying slimeball. The real question is do you care? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life with this "man" so that he won't kill himself. I would call a suicide support line and seek professional advice. Short of that, tell him to go jump off a bridge, he deserves it for being such a pathetic looser.

Answer 10

You must understand that no one can cause someone else to end their life. If they are seriously threatening this - only a professional can help prevent it. Please try to get him help - but you must proceed with your plans for your own well-being.