Homework suggestions for ODD child!?

Question

I have a 10 yr old son with Oppositonal Defiance Disorder. He fights for hours about doing homework and it is very disruptive and upsetting. He already has a suspension under his belt and I have three other children to deal with. I am looking for serious help and would appreciate if people without this issue to deal with would avoid personal opinion. We are living a nightmare and it is not funny to us. Thank you

thank you, Gloria, you are probably the first person on this site that I have seen a direct, caring answer from, I will take these things into consideration

I have him in a program twice a week for behavioral problems and during the school year, they will help him with/do his homework, but the other three days are still going to be a problem.

thank you trebob, total empathy to you. No, I do not work outside the home, but I watch my little nephew during the school year which is tough cause then he knows (thinks he knows) he can get away with more. I am married and he is in counseling and a program. thanks for your support

Answer 1

Oh gosh, my son has this and it was first misdiagnosed as ADD, which he quite possibly has too. I know what u are going thru, believe me. Homework time was totaly horrible, I would dread going home after work because I knew the fighting was about to begin. I also have a 3 yr old to deal with at the same time, plus getting supper ready, etc. Hopefully you have some support, as in a spouse, which I do not. My son is 9, so I bet their cases are really similar. I used to do the whole getting mad and punishing thing, before I knew what was going on with him. Now I just try to stay calm no matter what, so what if we only eat ham sandwiches or captian crunch for supper, its not like they are going to bed hungry or malnurished. My motto is if you can eat it for breakfast, you can eat it for supper also. We stay up untill 11 at night sometimes doing homework, it is a pain in the u-know-what but it seems to work out ok. I just try to take everything real slow and not get frustrated and mad. I think the worst thing u could do is to get mad, it just escalates and already tense situation and frustrates the child even more, and then they just totally shut down. I wish I could help more, but my only advise is to slow everything down, try to get him alone, if you have other children, give them something to do or if they are old enough, explain to them that brother needs quiet and solitude if he is to finish his homework. I would sit at the table with my son for hours, just sitting there, not saying anything, untill he finished. Sometimes I would fall asleep, no kidding. Have you talked to your doctor? Sometimes medication can help, but sometimes not. I am not a big fan of juicing kids up on drugs to make my life easier, but if it will truly help the situation and there are no bad side effects then I may give it a try. Do you work? I know most parents do, and have to, like me. But if there is any way you could stay home and be there when he gets home from school and just devote every minute of your time to him this seems to help too. I did this for a while, like 3 months, but then had to return to work. It helped at the time but now I think it just confused and angered him further when I returned to work. I dont know the answer, other than what I have already stated. I just want to with you all the luck, and let you know that you are not the only one with this problem in your life. It can feel like it runs your life sometimes. Try not to get overwhelmed, take it one day at a time and although it is hard, have patience, he will eventually grow out of it. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

You have my sympathy. You might consider a tutor for him who specialises in children with various learning and social problems. Since you have three other children, you are not going to be able to give him the direct attention he needs. You would probably do well to attempt to involve the school's teacher, counsellor, etc. Usually there is one person in a school who actually understands the problem. It would also be worth seeing a doctor. There might be some sort of diet that would help. Good luck, hang in there. Make sure he knows that you love him very much, and that you are on his side.