What is wrong with me?

Question

On my wife's myspace, she only adds people that she knows and her page says she's married. The guy that calls my house is someone that she has known since jr. high. When I question her as to why he is calling my house when I am at work she asks me if I would rather him call when I am home. I tell her no.
I am constantly checking up on her and always accusing her of having an affair. I must tell you that she is always at home and never leaves the house unless she is with the kids. She will be starting school this fall and I think it is going to make me crazy because she will actually have a life outside of me and the kids. Anytime she does something outside of the family, such as myspace, I start acting crazy. What should I do?

Answer 1

First, I think you owe yourself some credit for actually realizing you are having this problem! A lot men would think they are just entitled to feel this way about their wives regardless of rather they have given them a reason to or not!
I don't know if you have had some trust issues in other relationships and maybe that is somehow affecting your marriage now. We tend to bring old ghost into relationships, and that's never good! You need to realize that even though she is your wife and your kid's mother, she also needs a life outside of you guys. It doesn't mean that she loves you any less, but she has to be her own person with her own identity. I adore my husband and kids. They are my life, and for the most part, I'm pretty much always with them, but there are those times that I need to get away and just have time with my friends or by myself! I'm not saying that you have fun at work, but you get to at least get away from the house for a while and be around other adults, she is home with the kids all day.You would have reason to think she was up to something if she like saying she was single on myspace.com, but she's not doing that. And if it bothers you that this guy is calling her, talk to her about it. I think if they are just friends and there is nothing to hide, then it shouldn't big deal for him, her or you that he calls while you're home. Don't be one of these people that think men and women can't be just friends, because yes they can! Especially if this is someone she she grew up with. Sounds like you have a loving and devoted wife, don't ruin that with jealously, especially when you know she isn't doing anything wrong. Good Luck!

.

Answer 2

You are just insecure because you have low self steem and think that he might find someone better than you, not because she wants to but because you feel treatened.

Your infounded jealosy and insecurities are tickled by actions that have no meaning. You are insecure because your wife is going to school and will have a life outside the house? That is just plain selfish of you. You have to learn to trust her and also let her know how certain things that she does make you feel insecure, such as myspace, but ACUSSING someone of having affairs is no way of getting your point across and is not going to make you both closer together.

You have to learn to communicate your feelings without being accusatory as this is corrosive for your relationship and you know that you have no reason to emotionaly abuse yoru wife this way as she has done nothing to deserve it.

So to answer your question: Is your insecurities that make you act this way and you have to communicate with your spouse how are you feeling without inflicting pain and guilt into her since the way you feel is all in your head.

Good luck

Answer 3

She didn't give you an answer as to why he was calling? I would find that a little hard to take.

I can see why you would be acting crazy. Were you acting like that before the guy started calling? Why did she give him her number?

You need to find out what it is that she thinks is missing in your relationship and then fix it. There are kids involved here and they need the stability of mom and dad in a loving relationship, still married and happily living in the same house. :)

You also need to back off on the accusing. I have found that if I'm being accused of cheating, then I'm actually being cheated on. She might wind up thinking the same thing.

Answer 4

My ex husband was like this.....I was not on any computer sites at that time, nor did i have any ex boyfriends calling the house...he would have killed me for sure.....it was when I started school....I was always accused of being with other men. I was not!!! I worked full time and did my chores at home like a good little wife......but because I was trying to further my education, this threatened him.

My advice, unless you catch her in the act!!! Trust her, and try your best to support her. If not you will push her away!
While she is at school, go by her car and leave a flower and love note on it and signed ...YOUR LOVING HUSBAND!!!....this will help you too...if there are any onlookers they will see SHE IS MARRIED!!!

I agree she should not have any old boyfriends calling the house....you and the children are her future....she should not be dwelling on past relationships.

Try to think positive and support her.....(trust her until she gives you a reason not to trust)

Answer 5

you need to take a deep breath let it out and relax your wife isnt going anywhere she loves you and those kids but at the same time she has to have a life of her own she has to have friends the friend form school that isnt nothing if it was she would have married him not you maybe you have been cheated on in your other relationships and your still wounded by that and your thinking your wife will do the same but you have to back off your wife because accusing her of something she'snot doing will only make her go away from you not only are you driving yourself crazy but her as well i wish you luck

Answer 6

Katz, FYI: I'm not "married", but I do have a long-time boyfriend, and I use myspace as a network to keep up with college friends, old friends, etc. NETWORKING is what myspace was intended for, thus making it accessible to married people.

to answer the question: why do you freak out? you should talk to your wife instead of yahoo answers. ask her why she uses myspace, ask her what her intentions are. aslo, go out of your way to make her feel extra special, extra loved, and extra secure in your relationship. she obviously wouldn't be talking to other men if you were taking care of her needs -- both emotionally & physically-- at home!

Answer 7

If u trust and respect her enough, stop doing what you are doing. You are going to create more resentment towards her and likewise, she towards you. Then things will get vicious in time to come. Been there... been treated the same from my soon to be ex and I hated it when I was accused blindly whenever I was out for classes. One's patience can only last a while. Dont push it till it's too late.

I do believe that if you are in the right, the truth will surface one day. Have faith and good luck.

Answer 8

My husband is the same way you are.You need to stop or you are going to lose her.You need to trust her.If you love her at all then trust her.I don't know anything about myspace because my husband would kill me if i got on there.He even checks the history on the computer to see if i have been somewhere i should not of been,Like myspace.

Answer 9

Accept it. Personal experience tells me that nothing is going on. If you continue acting the way you are, she will begin to stay outside of the home more often just to prove to you that she is not one of your kids. It's going to be hard, but pretend that her outside life does not bother you. She will eventually slow down, at the same time you will begin to accept and appreciate the little time she is not home.

Answer 10

Get a grip on your craziness first. Open up a line of communication with her.
Women can have male friends. I have them. My husband doesn't like one of them, but respects me enough to know he is my friend and was long before we married. He is friends with the other fellow, though.
What is her goal with returning to school? How supportive do you plan on being? Don't you have a life outside of her and the children? You work, you probably have outside hobbies. How does she handle this?
You need to show her you have trust in her and proud she wants to continue her education. You need to talk, talk, talk.