I am 44yr old female, he is 50yr old male. Met on line and have been dating for some time now. We have fallen in love. He is transferring with his job(2yr committment) to a location literally around the world from where I live. This was in the works long before we met. We have mutually decided to stay exclusive. Anyone out there who has been thru similar situation? Looking for insights, suggestions, personal experience stories if you've been thru this yourself...........This man is THE kind and is so worth waiting for............
2006-07-10 03:05:00 · 2 answers · asked by Janet 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Revised answer - I have read some of your other questions, and some of your kind answers to other people in this community. You sound like a kind, caring, and considerate person. It is possible to have a close relationship with someone far away. It is a difficult decision to commit to being exclusive with someone heading so far away for so long. It is even more difficult early in a relationship.
You asked another question that suggested your exclusive focus and the amount of time you were spending with him was causing a rift between you and a good girl friend. You have two kids. I'm going to infer that you would not over exclude time with your kids for time with this man? I'm also going to infer that there have been strong good reasons why your girlfriend became a good, close friend. The question that comes to mind is: Why can you not find time to spend with both your new boyfriend and your girl friend? Does she not like your new man? Is she asking you to exclude him out of your life? Probably not - she probably accepts him to a degree. Is your new boyfriend giving you pressure that if you really loved him, you'd spend less time with other friends?
Even if your female close friend is high maintenance and demanding, you probably became friends with her because she was at times worth the demand and high maintenance. Is there a middle ground? Before you throw the baby out with the bathwater, make sure there is not some good, limited rapport that you can maintain if she is worth that proportional time. (I'm sorry everyone misunderstood your question - and I don't agree with the "Best Answer" that was given to that question - the best answerer didn't even read your question close enough to get your gender correct or understand the nature of your relationship with your girl friend).
On a side note - if I was going to the other side of the planet for 2 years, I don't think I'd ask someone who I was had been dating less than 2 years to exclusively focus on me. It's unlikely I would put that subtle pressure on them to exclude others.
Also, you asked the Yahoo! Answers community another question: Should you get implants to go from an A to a D? Is this new man wanting you to do this? (Before I move on, I want to comment on that question which is now closed - Please don't get implants until you get more input from women over 40 who have had implants for 10 years or more. The only two answers you got were from people who appear to not have had implants personally. I don't care what the plastic surgeons say, I don't think the body was made to take on that much foreign internal mass. And implants do break down. And the body's immune system can attack them or get off balance in dealing with them. They stretch the skin horribly, skin that is not made to carry that much foreign mass in that position. Please, please read and talk to women who have had implants for many years before adding them to your delicate, internal, & feminine system. A cup breasts are not inferior to D cup breasts.)
But let's assume your new guy doesn't care about A vs. D and that he's a great guy. The question to ask may be: What is best for both of your physical and mental health? Please don't make the incorrect assumption that you will prove to him the depth of your love by showing him the depth to which you will exclude other good and healthy relationships & personal interests in your life and in your childrens' lives. Love is not proven by that type of sacrifice.
You have asked for personal experiences. Well, my personal experience is that the stakes you are facing are as high as you fear. And the consequences about whatever you decide will likely be significant. I don't have any recommendations as to whether you should commit to this guy or not because you have provided too little data to make an assessment.
One question to ask yourself about any relationship is: How does my interaction with this person effect how I interact with the rest of the world? Does it improve my relationships with my other friends and family? It should. It should enable.
What good actions and things does your chemistry with your significant other cause you to do or to create? Or does the relationship with your significant other cause you to become insular, neurotic, and focused primarily on yourself and your significant other to the exclusion of other good things?
I liked MAB5096's answer and sentiments to your question also.
Your Best Answer to the woman who asked what would be a good gift for a 24yr old female coming home from hospital with permanent, serious illness was very thoughtful and kind. Your loving intent is clear.
2006-07-10 04:22:23 · answer #1 · answered by snoopy_jump 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess I am a hopelesss romantic, but I think that it can and will work out if you two truly love each other. There are ways to stay connected without actually seeing each other. Talk alot, e-mail, cards, letters, visits etc. If he is worth waiting for then all you have to do is wait. Use this time to get to know him on a different level, completely without physical contact. If could make your union even stronger. I know you both have decided not to go out with anyone else, but be sure that you tell him if you do and vice versa. That's only fair. Hope everything works out for the best. Good luck.
2006-07-10 10:18:52 · answer #2 · answered by mab5096 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋