how can i tell if my wife still has something going on with her baby daddy?

Answer 1

ASK

Answer 2

Gee, the list is long.
Ck cell phone records
Ck her pockets
Search her car
Ck her purse/wallet
Monitor money leaving your accounts
Keep record of sexual relations with you
Show up occasionally where she is supposed to be
Check her clothes for odd scents and markings
Apply to be on Cheaters
Talk to her family
Talk to her friends

HOWEVER, a marriage is a partnership and partners need to be open with each other. Talk to your wife, and mention your concerns. Insecurity in a relationship is diffictul to overcome. It will take her honesty and your trust.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Does she act odd?....Calls him for other reasons then the baby...takes a long time dropping the baby off...and needs to look good when seeing him...gets upset if he has a new girlfriend...if she does any of the above then i would say watch out

Answer 4

Ask her. Then watch her reaction. Remember that her answer maybe based upon shock that you asked. So you must ask again at another time., Remember this patience is a virtue and love is a risk. I wish you peace. Good luck and much wisdom.

Answer 5

Unfortunately when children are involved the other parent will almost always be involved. Try to keep your suspicions to a minimum and talk to your wife about it.

Answer 6

Why would she have married you if she does. but then she does have something going on...they share a child that has both their genes! I think that can be a strong pull don't you.

Answer 7

she might still talk to him because they got a child together . and she got to talk to him and let him know how the child is doing but if you think it is more then just ask her

Answer 8

Confront her, or hire a PI

Answer 9

She would not have married you if she did not want a new life with you. However, what both you and she might not completely understand is that the baby's daddy who is obviously part of the old life is also automatically part of the new life. He is after all the baby's daddy and that doesn't change just because she remarries.

She has learned to relate to this guy in a certain way. They are "more than friends" because friends don't make babies together. That doesn't mean that she wants him or misses him or wants to have a romantic or sexual relationship with him -- maybe, but probably not.

Usually the issue is that she just hasn't learned a new way to relate to him yet. It is difficult. They relate to each other on one level very naturally and you cannot blame either of them for that; they were intimate once and they have a child together and this means that they have a pretty serious history that does not just vanish because she wants a new life.

However, again, she DOES want a new life with YOU or she would not have married YOU. The key now is for both her and him to learn a new way of dealing with each other that does not appear to be romantic. You are "the man" in this situation, so try to also be a gentle, understanding LEADER.

Tell her that you understand that it is difficult, but that it is important for YOUR relationship that she learn how to think about this guy and behave with this guy in a less familiar, more businesslike fashion. Tell her that her relationship with him should somewhat model the relationships that she has with coworkers -- people she knows and is committed to work with, but who she would never allow to hold her hand, brush the hair out of her face, go to their house after hours or speak to her about personal matters like her relationship with you, or how she "feels" about anything. She needs to learn how to see this man more as a distant coworker and less like a former love interest.

They have a job together, raising a child, but that should be all they have together and you should very much be involved in that as well. There is no reason for her to be alone with him, visiting his parents house, going out to lunch to "discuss things" concerning the baby. The matters concerning the baby involve you also and thus no meeting or communication about the baby should exclude you.

Understand that there is ALWAYS some serious tension between men who have a woman between them, from two brothers competing for the attention of their mother, to two boys in grade school who like the same girl, to new husbands and babies daddys. You, as the man who now officially has the leadership position need to be a good leader to BOTH these people. You cannot just ignore him, let her "deal with him" or choose to allow a bunch of conflict between he and you. The responsibility to make PEACE, work things out, set boundaries and LEAD is on YOU. It might even be necessary for you to deal with him instead of her for a few years until their relationship has had the opportunity to truly burn out completely.

Be the mack daddy in this, player. Put your arm around that girl, tell her you understand that the heart does crazy stuff we can't explain and that you need to be the only man in her life for a while to help her heart heal and get filled with a new love and new memories. Tell her you want to be the one who deals with the baby's daddy to allow her to really move on and put that brother in her past -- just like she obviously wanted to do when she chose to marrry you.

Take that guy out to lunch, act in a fatherly fashion towards him, be understanding and explain things to him. Don't tell him you or she are "having problems," but focus on HIM. Tell him that you want him to know that he is always going to be the baby's daddy and that you know you cannot replace him. Tell him that you understand that it is difficult to move on sometimes, especially when there is a child involved. Work out the details of visitation with him yourself, without her in the mix and then YOU take responsibility for keeping your word to him, making sure he gets his visits and YOU do the driving back and forth, and the communicating back and forth concerning the baby. Tell him plainly that you don't want him involved with your wife at all, not ever, not under any circumstance, but that this shouldn't bother him, because YOU are willing to make this thing work.

Remind this guy that their relationship didn't work out, that no new woman in his life is going to want the drama of the baby's mother still in his life. Make it clear that you just want to make things easier between all of you and help both of them move on while protecting the child from any drama.

If the guy doesn't like that, if he responds poorly, don't immediately "go there" with him. Be patient, like a good father would and just tell him, "Look, player, I respect you and I hear what you're saying. Take a few weeks to think about this thing without your heart involved; I'm just trying to give you the opportunity to always be in this child's life. I don't want you to be part of the past, I just need for you to find a new square to stand on in the future. If you can work this thing out with me, you'll always be part of the picture, so just chill a while and think about it. You don't want this girl ruling little pieces of your life, telling you this and that, calling you up to talk about the baby when you're just about to ease up on some woman. You want freedom from her and to be a daddy too and that's what I'm giving you here. So just respect me and her and the baby too and just think about it a while. We're going to be in this thing together for 20-years and because WE'RE the men, we got to make it work or we'll just be hurting that baby every time there's conflict."

Anyway, that's what I would do.

Hope this helps.

Daniel
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Answer 10

IF YOU HAVE REASON TO BELIEVE IT IT IS PROBABLE. THERE MIGHT BE EVIDENCE-STAINS, SMEARED LIPSTICK, ETC. ASK HER AND SEE IF SHE LOOKS YOU IN THE EYE.