Jane & Joe have been married for 21 years.He has always cycled through being mean,aggressive,controling,selfinsh BUT offers financial security (average),no drug or drinking problems, hard worker & never cheated.
Jane started communicating with exhusband "KEN" after "JOE" had a mean outburst at her.She considers Ken the love of her life and wishes he contacted her prior to 21 years after they divorced. He says he did but she never got the messages.They both agree they are soulmates & are madly inlove. Their relationship ended because of his infidelity due to his musical career.She shortly later married Joe and never had children.
Now she is left with this: Stay married and make the 21 year marriage work 2 someone she no longer loves but is SAFE & secure OR go 2 EXHUSBAND who is steady worker, no good credit, but hard worker who does drink (not sure if problem) & is romantic, loving, fun?Jane told Joe she wants a seperation 2 & he has been perfect since,but not "inlove" w/him.
2006-07-10 01:57:58 · 22 answers · asked by dreamsykel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Jane has had 2 short meetings with KEN, who lives 2 hours away. They have hugged and expressed undying love for another. Ken leaves messages everyday, writes love letters, confesses true love and is soo sorry for their past problems but is not involved with anyone else. Jane is crazy about Ken, but scared to leave husband for him will bring he financial instabilty and he may drink more than she is aware of.
Joe in the meantime has offered to go on a trip, has been spending more time with her and not had any mean episodes, very NOT like him!
Confusion is do you stay with someone who may not be the love of your life, but isn't HORRIBLE anymore (last few months) and still be inlove with EX?
2006-07-10 02:02:31 · update #1
Jane and Joe no longer share a bed and haven't for years.
2006-07-10 02:10:52 · update #2
Jane is in love with the idea of endless romance and fun.
Ex knows this about her and is playing her for a ride.
Hardworking hubby probably feels the lack of love in his life, can't figure out what or why it is, and is generally grumpy. Jane calls this behaviour 'mean and controlling' in order to justify her dishonest behaviour to herself (and to her friends who offer her encouragement and advice to 'follow her heart')
I've seen that movie somewhere...
Ex is not the answer. Where has he been all this time? with someone else and now he's suddenly re-available?
You can't go back. It can't be how it was. There is only today and tomorrow.
If you don't love your current husband, and are in the middle of the stress of breaking up, how can you be so sure about the 'soundness' of your decision making process.
Whatever you decide to do, take a time out before getting involved with someone else --- even if you think you already know them.
I you had no doubts at all, you wouldn't be posting on Y! Answers
2006-07-10 07:20:41 · answer #1 · answered by mb5_ca 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If Jane is looking for a short term fix, then she needs to go with Ken. But even though she may be in love with Ken, it's not easy getting out of a 21 year old habit. I suggest Jane and Joe go for counselling first before taking any rash decisions. Often, when someone is going through a tough time in a marriage, it is very easy to be distracted by external forces, especially if a face from the past starts to shower all this attention on you. Jane needs to think real hard before making any decision so that she doesn't regret it in the future.
2006-07-10 02:03:05 · answer #2 · answered by Debz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jane, you will be a big fool to leave 21 yr. marriage for the first hubby. The best indicator for future behavior is past behavior. You're fantisizing about him: nothing more. If you want out of a marriage, I understand that; but, I don't understand how you can RUN straight to your ex when you know how he is. Do you really think the guy changed in 21yrs. NO WAY ! He contacted you and you didn't get the messages...?? Girl, he's playing you BIGTIME! You better get some professional counseling before you're on the street alone. I've been where you are...but I went out on my own, not for another man. It wasn't easy but it was better than being in an unloving relationship. Just dump the ex...he doesn't want you..he wants a thrill and you are an easy one at the moment. God bless.
2006-07-10 02:04:33 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
baby, nobody can answer this question for you, as none others have been to a similar situation with the sme characteristics.
Discuss with Ken what are the future plans, this includes EVERYTHING, keep everything on the table and then you can decide which way you should proceed, always have a backup plan behind you as
- If with Ken and then after some time things go wrong, how do I assist myself ??
-Is there any way of having a good future with KEN?
if you tink so then go for KEN and goodbye to 21 years of being loveless.
2006-07-10 02:26:29 · answer #4 · answered by Tuxi X 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Let's see, stay with a somewhat abusive husband, or to a 2 timing guy who has already cheated when with you. Do you have any more choices? Seriously , wake up and smell the coffee, your question is like the one Bush asked before invading Iraq, do I go for the oil and claim weapons of mass destruction or North Korea, that has the weapons and may use them?. You will do the same thing as he did, whichever is easier....
2006-07-10 02:04:50 · answer #5 · answered by Bob D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
money does not always buy happiness however she has been married to him for 21 years they should go on a trip and try and rekindle what they once had that made them get married in the first place cause in time u get in a rut and get bored and start to lose what u once had she should try and fix the problem first if they cannot make it work then leave him but should not leave for another man she should leave cause they could not make it work and a relationship is a two party matter it does not matter what others think and feel about it and it sounds like he wants to make it work now it is up to her to try.
2006-07-10 03:09:48 · answer #6 · answered by hubbys2ndbest2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Safe and secure does not include "mean, aggressive, controlling," and Ken didn't give safety and security either. Jane needs to figure out why she accepts bad treatment from the men in her life first and, second, resolve to not accept it in the future. No men are better than abusive men.
2006-07-10 02:08:38 · answer #7 · answered by DelK 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmm this is an easy one for me,..I was in the same situation once..i wasn't married for 21 years but 6 and I made the decision for me..for my happiness..my sanity...my kids..i left..its been 2 1 /2 years now and i dont regret my decision at all..with this decision came the lost of my house..my car..everything i had and i still dont regret anything..i couldn't be happier..
that's just my experience..good luck..but staying in an abusive relationship for financial security is not healthy
if you wish to discuss this further with me..let me know..we can exchange emails
2006-07-10 02:06:17 · answer #8 · answered by Chantel S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to talk to a counslour or a clergy member or some trusted professional about your problems with your husband but I wouldnt go running to your ex. He's your ex for a reason, he may seem so perfect now because you are unhappy or bored but that dosent mean he IS perfect for you.
2006-07-10 02:03:16 · answer #9 · answered by Crystal L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well Jane you are between a rock and a hard place, I would leave Joe BUT not go to ex husband (he will not change) be single for a while, love yourself than maybe you will discover who you really would like to be with, you might want to stay single.
2006-07-10 02:06:48 · answer #10 · answered by wannabe 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋