ok i need a honest opinion on this song....there is more but it won't fit, ill type it in another question

Question

Last night we both knew something was there
And i might have been a little scared
But you held me close
and pulled me through
and then i knew
i knew that i loved you
For one moment the world stopped moving
and i had no clue,
what exactly you were doing
you looked into my eyes
and let my hair down
then you kissed me
while, no one else was around
That same week, near the end i heard it from one of your friends
and i thought that it
couldn't be true
because i
i still loved you
But now youve changed youve let me down
and all i want to do
is leave this town
Once and a while ill see you
walking with her
now that were not together
i feel so insecure
youre not the same guy that you used to be
escpecially when,
you are aroud me
i miss all the great times we had
all the things you said
now i feel so lonely,
im better off dead
Now all i think aboout is you
and how i thought youre lies were true
and why you left me
because i still can't see why youre gone

for the person with the username english major...you are a complete retard if you don't understand its sbout a breakup..and it took you that long to realize it...i feel sorry fot you because your that stupid

Answer 1

Right now it's in poetry form.
Form your verses, a chorus, and then a refrain....usually in this pattern.

Verse, Chorus, Verse, Chorus, Refrain, Chorus

The Chorus is always the same, and the Refrain is the big blow out part at the end......make it good!

Answer 2

After reading this I have a few things to say. The good side: the feelings are real and emotion can be felt through reading it. Good. The bad: well, it's not bad, I just don't think it's a song. A poem maybe. A song's lyrics have to have a rhythm, a tempo, etc to them. They usually follow some sort of a pattern. What you have written would be very hard to form a melody to.

Answer 3

i imagine it truly is cute! I did an similar ingredient at the moment. I reduce a foot off : 0 yet I gave it some time (can't do some thing else besides that at that element LOL) and that i love it now. you're likely nevertheless purely in marvel, for some reason it isn't basic for most females to allow bypass of their hair. believe me in spite of the indisputable fact that, it truly is wonderful on you and in some days the marvel will placed on off and also you may adore it too.

Answer 4

i got a hell of a headache trying to let myself sink in to the lyrics... but anyway,i had managed to come up with this....it's nothing but a love foolishly shared with someone who did not love in return... a normal way to be STUPIDLY IN LOVE...and being even more stupid to even ask yourself why this someone has left; pretending not to know why... stupid,isn't it?If someone has left...accept it,so be it...

Answer 5

Well, you asked for honest, so I'll be honest and say that is incredibly sappy, and not in a good way. Sorry. :(

Answer 6

Technically they're lyrics, not a song. But as far as lyrics go... No they're not good.

Answer 7

i was too tired to read all of it but it looks like a very short story

Answer 8

It is very sweet.