im dating a 38 year old man. im 19. because of our age differences it seems we can never agree on anything. hes also chinese and feels that since i dont work (because i go to school full time) i should have no personal life and should have to abide strictly by his rules .... sometimes i want to leave him but i think i love him ... what should i do?
2006-07-09 22:02:58 · 12 answers · asked by ancient_code05 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
What the hell are you doing? that guy could be your father. And I have a feeling that's the only reason you are with him. You either like it, or you are seriously being held captive. I say escape to both. You sound like you havn't made a single decision on your own in a long long time.
2006-07-09 22:10:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to go a different way on this one...
You allowed yourself to be put into a situation where, for your comfort and convenience, you don't have to support yourself. You exchanged the support of your parents for that of an older man. You should only have the "personal life" you, yourself can afford to have. If you are living in HIS home, you should abide by HIS rules. If you find this relationship not to your liking, get a job and move out.
You are using him. You don't intend to stay with him past the point of needing a place to live. If you had a heart and soul, you would leave as soon as possible and take care of yourself. That way you don't have to deal with ANYBODY'S rules.
You know you don't love, him, you just feel guilty for using him.
2006-07-10 13:27:25 · answer #2 · answered by Dustin Lochart 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should identify what you want from life and go for it. you should not allow anyone to dictate how you are to live your life. You disagree on everything, he may not be wrong in all these instances but, part of being a young adult is that, you should be experiencing life for yourself and making and learning these mistakes; to derive your own answers.
It may be a part of his culture - and not just the age difference - However I, personally, wouldn't tolerate his being so strict.
You say you think you might love him. Take a break from this existence (go visit your folks, stay at a friend's...whatever), then try and look at your situation, objectively - something I don't think you'll be able to do while you're in the thick of it.
If you do love him - see if you're prepared to continue living by his rules.
If you can (and want to) - then go back and try and make the best of it until you graduate.
If you can't - tell him how you feel, that you're not prepared to live by the rules he's set and unless he's prepared to compromise - it's over.
If you don't love him - then get out.
2006-07-10 05:58:19 · answer #3 · answered by unclefrunk 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all age aint nothing but a number my gf is 25 and I'm 36 and we have a wonderful time together..First you need to figure out what attracted you to this man in the first place once you figure that out then you need to find things that you both like and things couldnt have been like this all the time
.No one can ever give you infomation about how or what we all are humans you cant stop or hold back your feelings the only thing that you can do is to follow your heart but if you have still have questions then weigh out your options what do you like good about him and what are the bad things and good from there.
2006-07-10 10:18:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow... GET THE **** OUTTA THERE!!!! Get your degree and live for yourself. That creeps me out just thinking about it--I was 19 and dated a 25 year old man and his controlling ways got him the boot real quick because I grew up without a father and didn't intend to start having one after I was already grown. Maybe you don't feel you are able to be independent. But you are. And trust, as scary as it may seem, there are plenty of guys out there who aren't control freaks...
2006-07-10 05:17:54 · answer #5 · answered by Princess Toadstoolie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sound like your dating more of a father figure, or a control freak and this will be a hard choice on your part if you do think you my being falling for him, the good thing is havent fallin to hard yet...You already know what you need to do for yourself in your heart or you wouldnt be asking people for advise... all i can say is stay true to your self
2006-07-10 07:57:11 · answer #6 · answered by starjessiegirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you two should break-up. It's hard to have a relationship twice your age and you know what chinese people are kinda bossy you know. Consentrate on your studies and if possible, stop being a homo and start loving god. Don't think twice, leave him and don't make your life like hell. Good luck!!!
2006-07-10 12:18:05 · answer #7 · answered by TheWisemanofourschool 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he wishes a parent - child relationship. for some couples this works and fill both of their needs. For others it does not. You need to assess if you wish to be his subordinate or his equal. If it is as an equal you two need to talk and probably seek couples counseling. Since he currently views you as a child only counseling will help that.
2006-07-10 09:42:28 · answer #8 · answered by mike g 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. why would you choose to be with someone twice your age? esp one that sounds more like a parent that a fun person to spend time with?
do you feel safe around someone who is so controlling? that sense of security from being around someone bossy is a double-edge sword. maybe the love feeling are one of being protected; love doesn't control.
2006-07-10 05:26:03 · answer #9 · answered by fabulousisjane 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your dating a man twice your age. Get rid of him! he's not your boyfriend, he's your pedophile!! You love him like a little boy loves micheal jackson!
2006-07-10 23:40:45 · answer #10 · answered by ruler of the former free world 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋