I need helpful advice...i love my wife but not in love..i stay so i dont disrupt my childrens lives.?

Question

but im unhappy alot of the times but im trying to work thru my feelings to see if i can stay and be happy with her once again but its hard.she provides a good life for me and our kids.newer 4 bedroom,2bath modular home,newer vechiles but money sometimes isnt worth your happiness but im trying just would like to hear some similar situtions all replys welcome

Answer 1

can you not ask your own questions without trying to ask the same questions that i ask i dont know what your promblem is with me buddy but i dont even know you and really dont care for your input on my questions specially when you dont know the sitution if you only knew all the details you wouldnt have answered the way you did but you know what your little sorry *** comment does not bother me cause im a better person than that to be belittled by your sorry *** comments therefore you do not bother me in the least bit. the only reason im wasting my time writing you is this is the second time you have copied my questions so get your own questions im sure you can get something out of your phebble small brained head.....im so sure your wife is a truckdriver and makes 130,000 dollars a year come up
with something else ppulezzzee(please)

Answer 2

Such issues need alot of care because wrong decisions can bring to us more than we bargained for. There is usually a tendency of getting used to one another,especially if you have been together for a while. When we begin taking each other for granted (unconsciously), things begin taking a downhill descent.
For one, love is an emotion (the strongest in humans at that), and it hardly will continue on all-time high. Once we appreciate that, we can navigate around other factors which are variable but affect love.When love emotion is high, we tend not to notice the wrongs our spouses do to us. When the tide goes down, they jump up like gigantic mountains. It's worthwhile therefore to bring onto a common table, those things which we feel are not going down well with us;when the love still feels high.
You must have noticed that there are some things that came from her that put you off or to some degree offended you but they din't seem a "big deal" then. These are the things that translate into love-life threatening entities!!
There was a bond that connected/joined you before the children came. Going back alittle, check what goals and aspirations you had when you began it all. If you walked into a noisy room, first few minutes are very uncomfortable but you soon get used to it. It's similar scenario..suppose you would stop looking and majoring on the things that you don't like and focus on what is attractive about her? On the other hand is there a possibility that in one way or a another you have contributed to the coldness? Ladies for one are very sensitive emotionally. What looks a small thing to us may be very important to them!! For fear of hurting you she can keep quiet when something offends her; naturally there will be a tendency of withdrawal on her part thus bringing the love temperature down!!By what you have said, she seems to be trying to getting some attention from you, in those things that she is doing ans also as a show that she also loves you!! PLease check if there is a possibility she is feeling cut out from your emotional life!!
Though people take it as an option, getting out/divorce is not the best. The capacity to trust(which is a main component of love) will have been greatly eroded and thus making it difficult to relate again. Too, if the problem began with you, you will find you will carry it to the next relation. Work it out first without taking divorce as an option.
I hope this will help you rise up. Thanks

Answer 3

I will commend you for staying for you children, but you know that children are very intuitive and they can pick up on the unhappiness and then their lives will be disrupted and not only will you be unhappy but then the children will be unhappy. If you really want to work through your feelings I think you and your wife should get some couples counseling. maybe start having a date night where you can go to the park and walk hand in hand. Something has to be done or you will begin to resent your wife and children because you will think I am not happy why am I here and then the children will pop into your head and that is when you might think to yourself I wish we wouldn't of had these kids cause they are whats holding me back from being happy. So if you want to be happy you need to get up and take a long look in a mirror and get a plan of action and follow through with it. Tell your wife your feelings she maybe having the same feelings that you are without communication between the two of you, you will never get this resolved.

Answer 4

If you are unhappy your children will feel it, and it does show even though you may not want it too! Maybe you and your wife need to take a break and find each other again.

You're right about the things money can buy and they don't bring happiness. Love brings true happiness, love and comfort, when you have lost the comfort with each other....you ask yourself where is the love.

Get someone to stay with the kids and go somewhere ALONE, that means where you two can really be alone. No outsiders, take a canoe trip or camp out in the woods, find yourselves....

Answer 5

If you had feelings for her once it is possible for you to get them back again. You need to go to marriage/personal counselling and figure out what it is that made those loving/romantic feelings subside/stop. Once you know the answer to that you will be able to find a way to get those feelings back.

Aside from that, try and spend time with her doing the things just the two of you used to do when you first got married to try and re-ignite the sparks.

And yes, it is worth the effort...too many people these days don't take the 'til death do us part' marriage vow seriously enough!

If you have young children especially, do what it takes. If your children are in their late teens or are adults, they will understand your decision if you choose to opt out, unlike younger children. But I think you should put in the effort.

All the best.

Answer 6

Lots of people seem to provide you with their views and options its now depend what's on your mind to visualise out the facts.

Many times we always overlook the happiness we had till the day we lost it by then you will start to realise what's the real meaning of happiness.

I had a friend who's mum always by his side providing him whatever needs and cares but he doesn't feel appreciate at all. He told us that the mum treated him like a child and at times she will grumble when he came home late.

I adviced him that she grumble you because she care about you. Everyday when you go home, the dinner is ready for you how much love she had showered you just that your mum didn't know how to expressed physically to you. He replied that no matter what, he's unable to feel the warm or love from his mum.

Then one day her mum was contracted with cancer and is in the last stage. He started to get panic and worried but not long after her mum passed away. At the funeral he cried like a baby over her mum coffin, I tried hard to comfort him. At this point I always remember him saying these words to me:-

"I've really regretted what I had done, I didn't realised the love my mum showered over me, I didn't even gave him a single care or love but she never complain. Now there wouldn't be any more meals ready for me when I got home. No more grumbling from her whom now I needed the most. My dear friend please don't follow my foot steps remember to treasure your loves one before its too late."

I hope through the experience my friend went throught will give you a better picture and judgement. We need to live simple to know the roots of happiness. We are humans and we had the ability to change situation. Nothing is impossible between a relationship is whether you want to make it happen or not.

Answer 7

EVALUATE your employment situation. If you're not employed and not looking for employment, do you need to be? If not, then you need to be keeping the house clean, the dinner on the table when your wife gets home, and all the clothes clean. Learn how to make a mean souffle! (It isn't hard.) After dinner, be the one to clear the table and wash the dishes. You're still the husband, and love, many times, has to be a DECISION THAT YOU MAKE, not a feeling that you hope will come your way. This is especially true with a husband and wife. Make it easy and desirable for your wife to want to love and respect you. Do something special, just for her, and DON'T remind her of how much trouble it was. DON'T wait for her to do something special for you as a "payback" for it; do something ELSE special, just for her, before she gets a chance to respond. NEVER keep score; as long as you are going to hang in there, you need to be doing "110%" effort to make the marriage work, and to help your children grow up in the best possible environment.

Answer 8

hello you seem like a nice guy,, and it's great that you're working through you're feelings before you just up and go. One thing I do know for a fact is that it never works when you stay for the sake of the kids, my mum did that and we knew she was sad and so we suffered,still to this day i wish she had of left when we were much younger. Money does not buy you happiness you're very right there. Does she know how you feel? Maybe if you talk to her you guys can work through this together...maybe some time apart to work your head out .. My bf recently went through something similiar but he had issues with his ex he needed to work out,, he just needed some time alone and he came back to me.. whatever you do follow your head in this one i think and everything will work out for the best.

Answer 9

is she happy with who she is? this is usually the case when someone feels they have lost thier attraction for somebody. I woulb bet she is not happy and you should try and figure out why.
Remember never to be rude or belittlingbecause she is your equal and you aren't above her in any way. Also try and think about why you are not attracted to her. it could be that you both just have different interests and want two different kinds of lives. If this is the case then you must move on.
the children will be happy if they know they are supported and loved by thier parents
REMEMBER to listen to your heart. your heart knows the answer always and is never wrong

Answer 10

Good man. Stay there for the children. Stop having more haha and stay for them until they are at least mid teens. Then they will understand. As for You and Your wife. Why aren't you happy? If you can't fix this problem. Then your wife will probably be willing to split ways with you, to make you happy. If I were you, I'd stay faithful too her, and just be there for her for as long as I said. And, then if you're still not happy, ask her to let you go. If she can't, then You really did cause this, and shouldn't leave her hanging. Do onto others as you would want others to do onto you.