What are some funny ways to deal with telemarketers?

Question

Have you ever done anything especially funny to a telemarketer when they bother you?

Answer 1

One called for my mom once. She has a very common name, so I had a little fun with the telemarketer. It went something like this:

Her: Can I speak to Mary Miller please?
Me: Which one?
Her: Um, Mary E. Miller?
Me: Hm, we have a few of them here. Can you describe her for me?
Her: Ummm... I don't know exactly what she looks like.
Me: Hold on, let me check with them.
*I put the phone down and called out: Mary E. Millers - there's someone on the phone for one of you. I waited a few seconds and picked the phone up again.
Me: Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I've got three Mary E. Millers here. You're going to have to describe the one you want.
Her: Huh? I'm just... oh, I'll just call another time.


Another time one of the telemarketers called for my mom again. That time I said, "I'm sorry, but she's in labor right now." The telemarketer was all excited and said, "Oh my!!! Well tell her congratulations!!! I'll call another day!" Before I hung up I yelled, "PUSH MOM, PUSH!"

Answer 2

OMG! I thought I was the only one that actually "entertained" myself with their annoying calls. This really irritates my hubby, but I'll share my secrets tools with you.
1-When they call, pretend you are really sleepy, and if they ask you if it's a good time, state no. When they state "well Mr. _____, when is a good time for us to call you back?" State: Never, is that good for you?
2-When they begin to market their product, survey etc..., keep asking them to repeat themselves and tell them to speak a little louder and that you recently suffered hearing loss. When you feel they are shouting, state, "oh, that's a little better. Could you try and speak just a little bit louder?"
3-If it's someone selling something, ask them ridiculous questions about the product. For example, someone called me about phone service, and I asked for the phone rates for Kuala Lampur, and other out of the way countries. The person began to stammer and stutter and kept putting me on hold to consult with their supervisor for the rates. What occurred was they had to go off of their script. And when they do this, they are a total wreck! LOL! After asking about the rates to 10 countries, the supervisor came on, and asked if I was interesed or not. I, in my most innocent voice informed him that phone service selection was a very important issue to me and was not something I wanted to rush to judgment on. It was hilarious!
4-If the telemarketer calls in the evening, answer the phone really out of breath, and if they ask "is this a good time," state "oh yeah, I'm almost done with what I'm doing," and then start panting, "oooohhh, yeah..... Oh, ****! Yeah, right there baby, damn! Oh God, here it comes! ohhhh! Ohhhh! Ohhhhh! Ahhhhhhhh! Okay, I'm finished."
5-This is my personal favorite. When they call, tell them it's not a good time for you, but ask for their home phone number to contact them later. Or, if it's a surveyor calling, give bogus information. Such as "How many people live in your home?" "18" "How many are under the age of 18?" "None." "Annual household income?" "$0." "Occupation?" "Emerging Rap artist."
6-Finally, when the telemarketer calls, speak clearly at first and then start speaking as if the phone is breaking up like this: "Yes this is Mr. ____. I, wa-....do-....he-.....oh-. Do this for the duration of the phone call.

Answer 3

Do the old man or old woman routine on them. Greet them politely, and start asking them polite questions about how they are, are they having a nice day, etc, and keep on with this tack while slowly working in some comments about how you're having a minor bad day. They'll want to appear sympathetic and act concerned as you continue to tell them what you're cooking for dinner in great detail but how the grocer refused to take back the bruised piece of fruit you bought three days ago and just keep going on like that as long as you can, but begin working in more comments about not feeling well, and if they finally ask you what's wrong, begin to tell them in great detail about a painful boil or some other such thing and add as much detail as you can.

The goal of the game is to see how long you can keep them on the line, and how far you can progress into more tedious trivial recounting of absolutely boring stuff, and also to see how long you can go on about some minor affliction - the more details you get in, the better.

This obviously is a game to play when you're really, really
bored and are burned out on YA.

The two things I do most often are ask for their home number so I can call them back later and interrupt their evening, and of course the all time classic, put them on hold and see how long they wait.

Of course, since I put my number on the national and state Do Not Call registry, I no longer get to play with them.

Do I miss them? As much as a painful boil on the bum...

Answer 4

Ehh goto ebaumsworld.com theres a link there somewhere on the site to annoy telemarketers good luck finding it though!

Answer 5

I'm polite to them, and carry on with them, but the catch is, I will never say yes. I'm polite, and I gradually let them down slowly, and they are usually the ones who hang up on me. The worst person to them isn't actually the person who abruptly hangs up, but the lonely guy or elder person who has nothing but time to talk, and is willing to talk to anyone! LOL!

Answer 6

Do like Jerry Seinfeld. Say "I cannot speak now, however supply me your residence quantity and I'll name you later." When they recoil at doing that, say, "What? Don't you wish individuals calling you at residence?... Well now you know the way I suppose."

Answer 7

Ask them to hold on a second and time how long they actually wait.

Hand the phone over to your two year old.

Answer 8

I usually speak a made up language; they give up & take me off the list assuming that no one hear speaks English.

Answer 9

Do like Jerry Seinfeld. Say "I can't talk now, however give me your dwelling quantity and i'll name you later." once they cringe at doing that, say, "What? Do not you need individuals calling you at residence?... Good now you understand how I think."

Answer 10

1) make iit sound like someody is being killed
2) say yes to everything
3) try to sell them something
4) pretend to fall asleep
5) Sart singing a song
6) claim that u can hear them cus ur Deaf
7) say that your dog is depressed
8) say that his wife gave u a STD

or

try to use all of them together