Why do people from other cultures...?

Question

I guess my question is mainly about hispanics because that is the cultural I deal with the most. Why is is that I have to change so much to accomodate them but they dont take the steps to learn about me. Take my laws. I learned spacish, i learned to cook mexican food, i celebrate their holidays, i have to keep my house running the way they say. And before you all ask I do these things because I would rather avoid conflict. I was just wondering why it is so importnant that I be like them when I think being me is not so bad. Maybe it is just my inlaws. any ideas?

Just for the record mu husband is kind of like this too. He say s he loves me and I know he does but I find myself having to live his culture. Not that I mind I like his culture but I think that he should have to accomadate me a little bit we are in the US but besides that I am his wife. Maybe I am wrong I appreciate all input.

to elaborate I am not racist I love mexican culture if I were to live there I would not mind compromising so why do they feel so strongly about not compromising with me?

it is mainly my inlaws. my hubby likes my personality and everything it is more my culture. he would rather live our lives around his culture. in our marriage it dos not bother me. it is my in laws mostly

you guys are all helping a lot. one more thing before i decide the bestr answer. what is the best way to teach my daighter both cultures. she is not around my family ajd is around his all the time and i am afraid she might lose half of her and only acknoledge the mexican cultre. help!

Answer 1

Hm, an interesting question. I am just wondering how you two got to the stage where you were ready to marry? How did you meet and forge a relationship if it was on such one-sided terms? Is the problem only with your in-laws or your husband too? Do you live together with them or just with your husband? If you could add a little detail, it might be easier to understand your situation.

To the person claiming America for Americans, America is a land of immigrants anyway (apart from the indigenous population that have been pretty much sidelined), so it's a 'culture of cultures' after all. Why would this change now? Do the old immigrants have more rights than the new ones?

Incidentally, to the person saying he should do all the changing since he's an immigrant, just remember that there is compromise necessary in ALL relationships, not just those which bridge cultures. Any marriage will need a little movement on BOTH sides.

Ok, if it's just your in-laws, it will be easier to resolve. Firstly, you need to explain to your husband that you want to find more balance in your cultures (don't make it seem that you are rejecting his, but wanting to share yours). Try to introduce some aspects of your culture to your in-laws, like inviting them to a dinner where you share some of your favourite foods, play music from your culture etc - let them know when you invite them that you are going to share something personal and special, so they won't undermine it. Also, make sure you and your hubbie take time to spend together just the two of you, as this will give the message to your in-laws that you and he are a unit. You won't change your in-laws overnight, but gently, gently, you can make a difference without alienating anyone.

Answer 2

I think the problem nowadays, due to being able to spread ideas quickly, people tend to only stick to whatever culture they were brought up in.

You'll notice that many Europeans coming to America largely accepted any Europeans coming in, and those Europeans adapted to the culture developing around them, while adding a little bit of their own to the "melting pot" of America (which is why pretty much anyone of European descent is now considered "white").

With the way things are today, you can live in a different part of the world, and still maintain your culture. The problem I see is that some people are trying to force those cultures onto others, instead of adapting to the culture that's dominant in that society (this could apply to religion too, but I don't want to go there).

The Latino population is slowly but surely rising in the US, and I think a large majority of them would rather keep their cultural influences, and rather than add it to American culture, they seem to prefer just sticking to theirs, and in some cases forcing it on other people (probably why just about everything in the US now has instructions in English and Spanish).

The "good" part of me says that they are contributing, and within a few decades, America will be even stronger with all these different cultures all sharing one common thing, the freedom to express their ideas freely without being persecuted for it (seriously, in some parts of the world you can't even do that without getting in trouble).

The "bad" side of me says that they're just lazy peeps who don't want to conform to the norms set where they live (like learning english, heck, both of my parents knew nothing of english when they first arrived here from SE asia, but now they speak it pretty well, and can understand it too, so I know it's not impossible). Instead of adapting to the norms where they live, they just want stuff handed to them, and want us to conform to them. It woudln't surprise me if within a hundred years America changes from English being the dominant language to Spanish (to be fair, the US doesn't have an "official" language, but unofficially, that's what everyone pretty much uses).

I guess I should stop rambling now :p

Answer 3

You're not confrontational enough. From that it sounds as though you're a doormat letting others dictate what you should do.

You don't need to get into an argument or screaming match, but talk over your issues with the people you have issue with. If they can't be bothered to aquiesce to your request to honor your culture as you do theirs then they really don't deserve your respect.

It is not important for you to be like them and it is equally unimportant that they should be like you, you should try to find a middleground where the cultures can mesh and become some sort of fusion rather than one consession after another in order to avoid conflict.

Answer 4

Because it's a patriarchal culture with close knit families and conservative traditions. I had the same kind of problem with my X boyfreind from Iran, that's why we didn't get married. I know some women married to foreigners who seem to be very happy, but their husbands and in laws are probably more open minded than the norm. Or maybe their in laws aren't around! Yours sound pushy! Try standing up for yourself more. If your husband doesn't support you I don't know what other advice to offer, but know you are not alone.

Answer 5

First, you married outside your culture. Most cultures are not like North America.(US,Canada) These countries bring cultures together in the "melting pot". We have tolerance for other cultures. Other countries do not. Many of the darker nations still live in the past, and the man is the boss, and his values are what his family is going to follow. They don't have progressive attitudes toward women. I have seen this first hand with my sister inlaw, married Spanish and moved to Spain, now divorced, because of the very reasons you explain.

Answer 6

I'm from Canada, my family is Italian. My mom moved to Canada while still dating my dad in Italy. He followed her to Canada, but he was always an Italian at heart, and it was something he was not willing to give up, and he never did.

I was raised very much Italian, and didn't speak a word of english till I started school.

The difference between being American and being an immigrant Living in America is that THEY are afraid to lose who they really are, they are afraid of losing a culture they love.

You are an American living in America, you live your culture daily...they have to work at it and make sure that their children never forget where they came from.

That's my humble opinion :)

Answer 7

America's culture is a mix of other cultures.
But I believe that when you are in a relationship with different cultures. Each must learn about the others culture. It is a two way street.
I am a Hawaiian and my girlfriend in Jewish. We both make an effort to learn of the others culture. Talk about clash of cultures, but its fun learning.

Answer 8

I am Mexican... and yes, you should adapt yourself to your hubby's family TO A CERTAIN POINT, you MUST feel comfortable too and be able to keep up being yourself! Tell this to your husband, tell him exactly how you feel about this awful situation.

Remember your house is YOUR house, not your in-law's... you have made several sacrifices so far, now the ball is in his side of the court... and if he says "this is the hispanic way, the woman is the one to obey her husband", tell him "bullsh!t".. (at least, in Mexico we're also in the 21st century) and this Mexican girl supports you :)

By the way... if this family is living in the US and want to survive in that melting pot, they should also adapt themselves to their new country as well

Suerte!

Answer 9

If you're at your in-law's house, then of course conform to their ways. However, in your own home, they can't tell you how to live your daily life. Be more assertive with your husband, tell him you love his culture but that your marriage is BI-cultural, meaning TWO, not one.

Are there things in your culture that you want to bring out in your home? Are there things you are repressing? Invite your in-laws to a dinner, featuring dishes from your culture. And no tortillas & hot sauce, lol! Tell them you wanna this with them. I hope they appreciate this.

Tell your husband you wanna cultures, TWO of them. He married you, a non-Hispanic, so he has to accept you as non-Hispanic. Of course you can conform to his ways, just as he conforms to your ways. It's a blend, not a take-over.

Be more assertive.

Answer 10

You are a great person for accommodating to his culture and everything i sure he appreciates it as well as his family... usually from other cultures it is seen as the man's culture as primary at least in mine maybe that is how he wants you to be.. maybe talk to him and ask him if you guys could enjoy the best of both worlds...