When a married man watches porn, does it mean he is not sexually satisfied with his wife?

Question

I've been sexually active with my husband for six years, and two years living together as a husband and wife. Since we were dating, I found out that he was watching porno on my computer. I confronted him and the first time it happenned, he apologized. But it kept happening. Now he still does it, but hides it from me. I really don't know what to think. I am not an ugly or unattrative person, and I'm ten years younger than him.

Answer 1

Not necessarily. Many men watch porn and are also perfectly healthy and sexually active in their marriage at the same time. How is your sex life? It sounds like he was watching porn from the start so if things are going downhill it's probably not the porn.

At the same time, porn is often connected to masturbation. Men watch porn to do it, not because their wife is unattractive or unfulfilling. I don't know the statistics but you'll probably have to accept that most men masturbate even when they're in a relationship. If it weren't Internet porn they would probably have a fantasy instead. Just be thankful that it's just strangers on a computer and that he's not doing anything really dangerous, illegal, or imoral (like an affair). He isn't, is he? You tell me.

A very few men have a so-called porn "addiction." Just like gambling, or alcohol, or videogames, or a lot of other legal activities, some people watch so much porn that it interferes with their job, their social life, finances, and other things. That is a small percentage but if he is one of those, he has a problem and needs help.

My problem with the whole thing isn't that he watches porn. It's that he lied to you, he's hiding his behavior, and he's so clueless that he's leaving traces on your computer while thinking he's getting away with it. How disrespectful is that? And you're just blaming it on yourself. Cut that out!

You have to decide whether to accept his porn habit, or not. That is a matter for you two to agree on. If you accept it, tell him that you don't like it but that you know he's doing it and don't want him to have to lie. Don't give him the Spanish inquisition or spy all the time, just make clear that he needs to be more discrete and not insult you by doing it in front of you. If there's a problem with the marriage or the sex life, one or both of you needs to think about couples counseling or just getting the romance on again. There's even porn-like stuff from people like Nina Hartley that are really instructional sex videos. They teach you two how to do different things and spice things up.

How do you feel about porn? Some people believe it's a perfectly healthy and legitimate type of entertainment. Others have moral or religious problems, or think it is bad for society. You'll have to decide that for yourself.

If you can't accept it you may have to leave him. I doubt you can change him easily if he's been doing it this long. You know he's already lied on the subject and he's lying now so if you give him a new ultimatum chances are he'll break any promise he makes to stop. Can you live with that?

Answer 2

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Answer 3

I have experienced the same thing in my marriage of six years. I found my husband had a DVD porn in his closet and when I confronted him about it he acted like it was no big deal "It's just porn" he said. It was a big deal to me because I didn't understand what it meant for our relationship and if it meant he wanted someone other than me. It comes down to the fact that men are so visual, and rely on eye-candy a lot to get aroused. To tell you the truth most of it is just seeing a woman getting her bottom pounded by a big hard d*** is what turns them on. I know it sounds crazy, but men really dig that. This is one of those issues that you will find in marriage that you can either see the glass half empty or half full. If you see it half empty then you and him will have problems because of it. I say, make the best of it. Tell him that you want to watch it with him, and during maybe you can try giving him oral sex or pleasuring yourself in front of him. Some women don't want to go there, but your man is trying to tell you that he has a very erotic side to himself and trust me if you don't take care of it then he might stray. Remember this is a marriage: A union between two people. He is an individual who is married to you, he chose you to be his wife and no one else. Don't be afraid to get freaky with your husband, after all you and him have a lifetime together and the freedom to explore each other sexually in anyway that you want. Ask him what he wants sexually with you and try and deliver as best as possible, tell him what you want and have him give it to you. You will find that he may not need porn because you will be his sex kitten satisfying all of his erotic needs.

Answer 4

oh, sweetie, does this sound familiar!!! omg, my ex was a "T" Total dog!!! he had a serious prob!! and, he would hide it, deny it, whatever it took!! we had children together, so it was a prob for me.. i dont always agree w/ porn, it can be so tricky, and lead to some trouble... i have thrown videos and magazines away, only to find them recovered from the trash can, or replaced. he even went as far as taping a video tape back together that i had opened and cut up!!! he ended up to be a cheater ( had been most of the time we were together!!!) and, is now married, unhappily, to one of his lovers. he would not try to stop, refused counciling, nothing i could do for him... i'm not sure how porn blockers work, but perhaps you could try one of those? otherwise, this is a definete need to discuss subject... it doesnt matter how lame or unimportant something may seem to other people, the truth is, if it's bothersome, hurtfull, or degrading to you in any way, it needs to be stopped. as your husband, it is his duty to love and honor you, not make you worry about what is wrong w/ you, that would make him look at this crap! talk to him, let him know that marriage counseling is not a bad thing, and see if he is willing to make an honest effort... i wish you the best of luck!!!

Answer 5

It's probably nothing, but be honest with yourself. Do you feel you satisfy his every lustful need? Maybe he has some fantasies or fetishes that you don't know about and he satisfies those with porn. I personally like anal sex and play, but my wife doesn't so sometimes I look at porn. I like heels and thigh highs but my wife rarely wears them. If he wanted to cheat, he would.

Answer 6

If you confronted him about it and he hasn't stopped is a form of disrespect. Get a block for your computer. He is addicted to it. He has the problem not you. Let him know that you know he is still doing it. Tell him he violating the respect and trust in your relationship.

Answer 7

It has nothing to do with you. You'll do well to learn that he will do things simply because he wants to. Don't worrry about things like that, or you'll drive yourself crazy. If he's IMing, racking up 900 number calls, blowing his paychecks at topless bars or dating someone else. Then you have problems. If he was interested in cheating, he would cheat. He doesn't want to cheat on you, so he's looking at pictures. Let him get all worked up, then enjoy the rewards.

Answer 8

do not take it the wrong way, he is probably just trying to do something to pass the time and obviously you cant be available 24/7. so just do not take it the wrong way becuase thats the most idiotic thing you can do. i dont know your husband but i know he still loves you and he is sexual attracted to you. another thing...maybe you should try some of the fantasies he crazes about, just to spice things up a bit.

Answer 9

Yes he isn't satisfied for some reason. Look at what kind he is looking at maybe there is something there that he likes that you don't do or something. Porn can be addictive and hard to quit. You need to talk with him seriously about it. Get parent blocks or something for the comp.

Answer 10

i do not think that is any cause for worrry, Your husbands imagination is fertile,he has probably "graduated" TO SEXUAL FANTASIES, THAT MAYBE YOU DO SHARE WITH HIM OR MAYBE NOT..

IF YOUR HUSBAND IS CURIOUS, SO WHAT, I IAM FEMALE, I AM CURIOUS, BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I DO NOT WANT MY PARTNER, OR LOVE HIM (huh, if i had one) BUT THE POINT IS, DO NOT PUSH THE PANICK BUTTON, OR FEEL AS HE IS CHEATING OR YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH, CONSIDER THIS "IN ADDITION TO YOU" NOT INSTEAD OF YOU..

YOU MIGHT ENTERTAIN THE IDEA OF SHOWING SOME INTEREST IN THE PORN TO JUST AD VARIETY, AND SHOW HIM YOU ARE CONFIDENT AND SECURE IN THE FACT THAT THE TWO OF YOU ARE DOING GREAT

GOOD LUCK