I am ready to have a baby and my husband isn't, he says hes not ready to grow up yet.How do I change his mind?

Question

He is a huge hunter and fisher and thinks that by having a baby it will take away from him. We argue about it a lot. This is all I have asked for, for almost 2 years now. He told me that after we were married for a year that we would start trying, well that didn't happen and it still hasn't. it's just really irratating and bugs me a lot. Everyone around me including all my friends are having kids and here I am left out in the cold. I don't want a baby cuz all my friends are having them I just want one to call my own. I'm ready to take that big step and he isn't cuz he's not ready to give up things for HIMSELF!! Just wondering what other people thought about the situation and if I'm being to pushy about the whole thing. It's just something I dream and pray about everyday that he'll change his mind.

Answer 1

You can not change his mind, nor can you make him grow up ( in his/your words ) You can only change you. So, either be patient and wait for chance and circumstance or get pregnant and deal with his anger and stuff. Odds are, when faced with the possibility of parenthood, he won't give up the great outdoors, but rather, want to introduce them to the child. Enjoy the time.

Answer 2

Tough situation. It's really too bad this was not honestly determined before getting married. If he honestly is not ready or desiring to be a father, then it's not an issue of changing his mind. In fact, it would be a mistake to force him into the role if he does not naturally want it. Also...don't trick him into it by going off the pill or what ever means you use. Major mistake as you will lose his trust.

Big questions is..why does he feel this will take his activities away from him? Does he leave you behind a lot now while he pursues his interests? Are you asking him to give this up? Do you hope you will become closer if you have kids? Does he consider he may end up with some boys (or even girls) with whom he could take out and enjoy the outings?

It is selfish...but he's also being honest. Apparently you weren't fully aware of what you were getting into or were blinded towards seeing it.

Seems you need an honest answer as to whether it will ever happen. If he doesn't see himself as a father, there only seems to be a few choices. Counseling. Accepting it will be a childless marriage. Make an arrangement whereby you basically raise the kids and he resumes his activities as he pleases (lousy alternative with many possible issues), or divorce him based on not being upfront about never wanting a family and find a man who does.

Tough choices only you can answer.

Answer 3

"How do you change his mind?" Answer: You don't even try to change his mind. If he says he is not ready, he's not ready. If you push him and he finally gives in, it will come back to create more conflict in your marriage. The sad thing is: then there will be an innocent child involved who will suffer more than either of you. Too many young people do not realize that babies do not remain adorable babies; they grow up. Changing diapers and preparing bottles is the easy part. A baby should not be brought into the world with a job to do. The baby should not be responsible for trying to make Daddy grow up. And are you financially and emotionally prepared to raise a child and to provide that child with what it needs? Do you own a home? Do you have a savings account and ready to open a college fund for a child when it is born? Is your husband's job (and or your job) as stable as it needs to be to provide for a child? What are your career plans for the future and what steps have you taken to insure those plans. Do you have health insurance and life insurance? Having a child is the biggest responsibility you will ever undertake. Having a cute little baby is the least of it. I wonder how many of your "friends" are prepared as well as they should be. Having a baby is not something a couple just jumps into. Don't get your dander up. Think about it. A child has a right to expect to be nurtured, educated and cared for. "I want to have a baby," sounds like someone immature who hasn't made the proper plans for such an event.

Answer 4

Don't try to change his mind by arguing or getting pregnant by "accident." If he says he's not ready, he's probably right. He'll continue hunting and fishing, and resent everything.

Stop nagging. That never changes anyone's mind.

It sounds like he mislead you, or you never really agreed, or maybe he changed his mind.

If it's that important to you, maybe you're not compatible anymore. Maybe there are other problems in your marriage you should take a look at -- you need to have that same feeling back you had in the first place. It sounds like he might not be listening to you. "Hunting and fishing" sounds like a fake excuse, or at least something he isn't thinking through. If that were the issue he should look forward to children because after a few years he could take them with him and teach them to hunt, at least to fish. If that's it, he's sounding very selfish. More likely you two have a communication problem.

Here's a sneaky way to change his mind that doesn't involve so much pressure or nagging. Just set up dates and times for your friends and children to be around, or to visit their house. Not so much it's an inconvenience, and no being obvious or laying it on too thick. But most men of a certain age are helpless when they see kids, just like women. The more you see kids the more your body starts telling you it's time.

How old are you two? If you're in your 20s you have plenty of time, and be aware that mens' psychology changes as they age. If you're in your late 30s, then you don't have very long to figure this out.

Answer 5

$four hundred a month?? the position do you stay? The pair of you're too youthful for little ones, now to not indicate marriage. Ask back in 10 years. that is all nicely and good you could safeguard your self, yet actual you're nonetheless 20 and should be performing like you're 20. Why are not you in college? you're throwing your existence away. this isn't 1952. upload: Paying your charges on time and a willingness to stay domicile does not constiute an individual. you've a lot extra turning out to be to do. people wait to have little ones because being at your maximum mature makes you a extra acceptable ascertain. positive, you could start having little ones now, yet you'll make an excellent style of mistakes you gained't once you're 30. who's bitter? on line instructions and suburbia? Please- you're extremely skimming the exterior. the international doesn't favor yet another stepford mom, we favor smart, powerful females elevating smart, powerful little ones. Do something with your self. Marriage isn't a be all end all of your existence. you're dropping away. upload: pay interest to Devon, she knows what she's speaking about. you're of direction not mature adequate yet. you won't be able to even get your emotions in verify (and that is general for someone your age).

Answer 6

Having a baby is a serious, serious commitment. It seems as if He knows hes not ready, he's not ready and you shouldnt push it. Thank your lucky stars that you are not pregnant and he tells you this. If you are meant to have a child you will have one, but if the time is not right you will not. But if after time he still does not come around maybe the two of you just arent compatable. Babies will change your whole life and not just having them but rearing them is also something to be discussed before the bundle is made. Think long and hard about whats more important to you and go from there.

Answer 7

You souldent want to, If he is not ready to be daddy. He may run, or you will end up taking care of the child by yourself.. How old are you and how do you know that you are ready? Are you financially set? Have you gone out and did all the going out you have to do? When you have a child just going to the store becomes a chore, Having a child means that you just can't up and go when you feel like it, Theres a lot thats involved with children that useually go unthought about untill its too late.. I think he has not done all the "going out" that he has wanted to do. I had kids when I was young, I missed out on a lot of experances because of it, going to LA, with a bunch of friends for a week. Taking trips over seas, There is a lot of things that I missed out on because I had a child. Dont get me wrong I wouldent change it for the world, But if I had put a little thought into it before having a child, I would not feel like I missed out on all lifes experances. Remember that once you have the child there is no going back, There is always time in the future to have a child... Give him his time that he needs,, Pressureing him into it will only lead to problems down the road for both you and him,,, Having a child is more work then its cracked up to be, Take your time, think about it....

Answer 8

Sweetie, if he's not ready, it's unfair to make him change his mind. Forcing him to procreate before he's ready (or until he's ever ready) will not sustain or strengthen your relationship. Don't compare your life to your friends... life isn't a competition.

If he's not ready to stop being selfish, then that's all there is to him. Perhaps he'll never be ready. But forcing him to have a child before he's ready isn't the answer.

Perhaps you need to seek counseling or talk to your religious leader, see if there are other issues. Maybe he is just scared that he'll lose his life once the baby comes and you need to discuss this. Reassure him he'll still get one or two weekends a month to hang out with the guys to belch, grunt and hunt. His life's road isn't ending, it's just adding another exit. Perhaps you'll have a son that can eventually go fishing with him... get a little fishing outfit and tiny fishing hat or hunting vest... maybe that will help nudge him into adulthood.

If counseling and discussion and assurance don't work, perhaps he will never be ready and you'll have some deep thinking and praying to do about the path your life will take.

Good luck!

Answer 9

YOU don't go ahead and have a baby..that is for sure. He isn't ready, so wait. It's better when both agree. He may be just afraid of the responsiblilty..many men are.

Or he is just plain selfish and is not grown up yet. Whatever you do, don't push him into making one, he will end up hating you both. I have seen it happen.

My girlfriend ended up divorcing because of that reason..now she has little kiddies of her own with her new husband and her ex..still is fishing..lol

Well, ask him..really what is the real reason he doesn't want kids. Because just being a hunter and fisher doesn't mean he can't do it once there is a child. He goes without you anyway..right?

You don't change his mind because you won't be able too and as I said, he will end up hating you both if you force him too and end up in a divorce.

Answer 10

If he is not ready DO NOT try to talk him into it. Babies are very hard on relationships. He will resent you and leave you with all the child rearing responsibilities and believe me IT IS DIFFICULT.
Raising children without an involved father is not fair to the kids. If you really have the baby blues, babysit for your friends for an overnighter or a full day. I think after you do this a few times, you might cool your jets. I know . I am the mother of four. Been there done that. WAIT til he is ready. You are not as ready as you think.

Answer 11

If in a marriage both if u don't take into account each others wants and feelings i think you need to first concentrate on improving your understanding and comunication among each other. Secondly and most importantly couples who delay a baby end up having troubles conceiving later ( there could be problems with either of the partner). Thirdly ask your husband not to be so apprehensive about a baby, things just fall into place when the baby comes, ur marriage gets better and u can go back to being more childish with Baby ......Life only gets better ...