Do you think it is possible to stop loving your spouse and then recapture that love?

Question

I don't love my husband and told him that I was going to leave but he is trying really hard to change. I don't feel anything for him at all. I am trying to have an opened mind but I don't know how long I should let this go on. I think maybe that someone can hurt you for so long until your head and heart say no more. What do ya'll think?

Answer 1

I fell out of love with my husband 2 yrs after we got married. I stayed for another 8 years because he was a nice man, he was trying hard, and we had two children together. I wish I had had the courage to do the right thing sooner, for him and for me. You deserve to be with someone you love, and he deserves to be with someone who will love him. Good luck.

Answer 2

I am actually going through this exact same thing with my wife. We've been married for two months and when we got back from the honeymoon it seemed as if she really started to distance herself. She stopped initiating the I love you's, no phone calls or emails during the day, stopped initiating affection, haven't had sex since the honeymoon. She kept giving me all these different reasons and also started bringing up alot of things from way back in our past. It really seemed like she was unhappy. I became suspicious thinking there may have been someone else and she finally told me she just didn't have it in her anymore. Said she loved me but she has lost desire because things are never consistent. I was sleeping in the other bedroom for the past couple of weeks but recently asked if I could come back in the bedroom, she said yes but things are still very strange. It seems like she is only doing things to make me happy. We don't kiss at all and if I try she doesn't really kiss me back. It's humiliating. I'm in counseling right now, she is not...yet, but says she is "planning" on going. She doesn't want a divorce, but isn't really making any attempts on fixing things either. She has also been very critical of me lately, pointing out all my flaws. It's a humiliating experience but I'm not giving up. Things are SLOWLY coming around. I still wonder if she is seeing anybody but the only thing I do know is she's talking to an old guy friend of her's from junior high that lives several states away. Not really a threat but the possibility of an emotional connection worries me. Right now my wife is emotionally disconnected from me. No real laughter, we do talk about things, talk a little bit about the future as if we're staying together but I don't know if her motive is to keep me happy or to keep our daughter from coming from a broken home or if she is just holding back all emotion to make sure the changes stick this time around. Anyway, I understand what you're husband must be going through. I highly recommend counseling and there's a program online called "lightyourfire" that claims to guarantee immediate results. There's always hope so don't give up.

Answer 3

I was dating a girl for 4 years, I was planning on asking her to marry me...but one day she stopped loving me. It's the crappiest feeling in the world to know that when someone doesn't love you but you still love them. I wish it was possible to recapture that love again but I know it's not going to happen. She's moved on, while I'm having a hard time. She has a life now and I'm barely able to stand on my two feet.
But in your case if there's a motive for you to leave, if he's abusive towards you then I would say yes leave him and don't look back. But, if he's trying and you're not? To recapture that love is like going back to that very first date you had with him. Do you remember that first kiss you had with him? How you felt when you held his hand for the first time? or how about looking into his eyes?
You can have all of that back...again. If you don't mind starting over again. I hope that helps you out.

Answer 4

First of all, I am very sorry that the two of you are having trouble. You may want to ask yourself what has changed in you relationship to get you tio this point. I'm not blaming anyone. The first step is admitting that there is a problem, then talk and LISTEN. Both of you probably are harboring some hurt feelings and resentment. You cannot heal with that poison inside, Seek counseling if you think your marriage is worth saving. Good luck.

Answer 5

not only do i think its possible i've seen several friends go through this...sometimes we just don't feel like we can go on with this person another day...then months pass and you look at them and realize i need to give this a chance for more reason than one...i will also say that if your not happy and in love, it's up to you and your husband to find a way to change that..it will not just happen on its on, it's hard work....i've been married for 15 years and it's still a struggle to make it work, its not easy remember it's called marriage...your taking two people that have spent the first part of their lives apart and now all of a sudden your living together sleeping together and living life together...its not going t be perfect and for the people who say their marriage is they are lying...i wish you find the you need with your husband, but if you feel you just can't make it work after really giving it your all, i hope you start to love yourself again so that the next man has a wonderful woman who not only loves herself but loves him.

Answer 6

Find some old people and ask who has been married 50 years or longer. Then ask those people your question and they will all tell you the same as I am gonna tell you. EVERYONE whose marriage has survived for decades has fallen out of love with their spouse then back in, most several times. What kept them there the 1st time they were out of love was the commitment...What kept them there the subsequent times was the past experience, because it is awesome fun when you fall back in love again! Long marriages have their ups and downs, and if you can't ride through the downs you can grow old alone.

Answer 7

I think that you love him and just have lost that spark and have to rekindle it.You married him didn't you?For better or worse,sickness and in health,til....you know the rest.WORK IT OUT!!!Or at least try.First of all,rekindle the passion.Talk about old times and back when in the day,etc.Get a babysitter(if you have kids),get the passion back.Communicate and make a "date"to start again.Whatever that takes, is up to you.Start slow.Maybe a dinner(alone).Then, maybe the kids can stay at grandmas and you can have an overnight hotel night.Maybe sex toys,costumes,whatever your both open to.Get your husband and your marriage back on track.Life is too short to be unhappy or to live without the one you love.

Answer 8

I think you first need to figure out what stopped you from loving him and then decide if that changed could you love him again. I no longer love my husband of 13 years but it took years for me to stop loving him. I realized that I really don't like the person he has become and he is not going to change. Counseling is the best way to see where you stand.

Answer 9

Yes, it is possible.
It is even possible to eventually have a wonderful relationship and marriage after going through all the hardship.

However, it takes time, patience, often counseling, and a whole lot of work on both of your parts to do that, and it very much takes both partners working extremely hard at it to accomplish it.

Can it work in your situation? No one can tell you that.
Will it be worth it, to hang in there? Again, no one can say.
You have to examine your own heart, mind and soul to determine your path.

You may also want to discuss goals and expectations with your husband, and very possibly consider individual and/or marriage coiunseling, too ... even in the decision process.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 10

u shouldnt stay if u dont really love him no more. its like ur only stayin to make him happy , but think about it that only makes u unhappy. in life u have 2 do 4 u cause no 1 else will. do u really wanna look back on life and realize that there was times if u changed the situation it would of been better.dont wait around , cause before u know it , it will be 2 late