I have a problem.................?

Question

I am having a problem with my five year old daughter. She is having severe self esteem problems. She thinks that no one loves her and is having a hard time getting along with anyone. My husband and I love her with all our hearts and its killing me when she cries adn says that no one loves her. I dont know why she is like that I tell her I love her everyday, in fact im one of those mothers that says it probably way to much in funny accents. I know that she is having a hard time with the fact that my husbands mother does not accept her but accepts the daughter that we have together. My five year old is from a previous relationship. Its not like I wanted her to know but she was told by my mother in law that she was not her grand daughter and that my other daughter was. This is very hard for me to deal with, because frankly, I would love to kick the **** out of my mother in law. We don't see her anymore but I know that the damage is done. I need help, my baby girl needs your help. please.

Answer 1

all I can say is keep telling her that you love her and make sure to tell her why as well. compliment the things she does (i'm not saying you don't allready do this) and tell her she's beautiful. I was scarred by a step-grandmother and time will heal the hurt as well as love. do you have any other relatives that she sees regularly that can tell her the same things so she hears it from an outside source? that might help!

Answer 2

I wish there was an easy way to answer this, but I think the only way your little girl is going to have any peace is to keep doing as you've been doing. This must be very hard for her, and it must be some sort of vendetta your mother-in-law has against you for bringing a baby into the world that ISN'T her granddaughter. Heaven forbid! She's a baby still, a baby with feelings! Your mother-in-law should have more sense than to tell a little 5 year old that she isn't loved or accepted by her. This is something that goes much deeper than your little girl...she's merely the scapegoat. The mature thing of your mother-in-law to do would have been to accept your child as her granddaughter without any prejudice but obviously your mother-in-law needs a little lesson in how to behave.

Of course, you can't undo the damage now. Perhaps if your daughter is in school in fall and they offer a counselor there you could speak with him or her about this. Or the teacher. A lot of kids go through this kind of rejection, though as parents we are so protective of them! Keep telling her you love her and accept her. Your husband should do the same. If you are close to your parents, perhaps they could help with this also, and enlist close friends and other relatives in the process as well. She's just reacting to hearing some really unsettling news. Once she gets the picture that she is loved outside of this supposed "grandmother," she should snap out of it.

Encourage her to talk to you about her feelings!

Answer 3

I am there where u are. I have 3 boys from a previous relationship and my only daughter from my husband and yes his family take her everywhere and buy her everything and when my boys ask why they can't go or why they didn't get anything it ...tears me up inside. I have for the past 5 yrs explained to them that all they need is mommy's love and no one else. My boys are 4 , 6 ,and 7 yrs. old. The oldest knows he had another dad... but the other 2 my husband has raised them. So 2 them it is unfair. I don't just tell them how much I love them I show them. When my daughter is gone I take them where they want to go and show them that mommy will always be there when no one else will. I have explained that she is a girl and because they are boys and there are 4 of them not all of them can go. They understand now and when my daughter leaves my boys say "Mommy we don't want 2 go we want to stay here with you because you would never leave us alone so we can't leave you alone." Being the best mother you can be and being honest with your kids will get you a lot of hugs , kisses, and I love yous.

Answer 4

you must understand that your daughter feels like the third wheel in this family right now. You need to spend some quality family time together and make absolutley SURE she feels included and an equal to your mutual daughter. In fact, I would put a little more emphasis on her right now simply because she IS having a hard time with the adjustment. Make sure your husband is aware of the problem and let him know that you need to team together to help her. I would strongly recommend talking to a family counselor, they can give you some ideas to help ease the process. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 5

Wow! I'm sorry I can't help with this one, I just had to respond because this sounds so said. Adults can be so cruel. I just got separated from my wife because her mother was so racist that I couldn't take it anymore, even after my wife got cancer she would not even come over and spend time with her own daughter, and her mom would also invite my wife's ex-husband over and tell my wife that I was not allowed over. I could have dealt with the whole thing if my wife would not have gone over to her mothers house every weekend. You mother in law sounds like a real witch, how could you say something like that to an innocent child. Good luck, I hope you can find a way to help your daughter.

Answer 6

Children can get depressed just like adults. They should get professional assistance like an adult would. No one on this web site will be able to tell you anything you should do or say, which will really solve her problem. Good job protecting her from your cruel, toxic mother in law, but has she been equally rejected by her biological daddy? Has he abandoned her or been under-involved? If so, she has been totally abandoned by one parent, and feels like 'leftovers' while she watches you start a new family with your new husband. Your mother in law just rubbed salt in that wound. It is very hard to be a 'child from a previous relationship'. I hope you get her evaluated by a mental health worker and/or get family counselling to help her out.

Answer 7

I understand the difficulty in family. I wasn't accepted by my in-laws. And I can only imagine what kind of pain your little girl is going through.
Do you believe in God? If so teach her about Jesus and His undying love for her. And comfort her as much as possible.
Explain to her that she is a very important part of the family
regardless of what other family members say to her. Prove to
her that she is loved! Find things for her to do and encourage
her. She doesn't want humor when told she is loved. Give
her respect in her feelings. Give to her adult type respect
and love. She needs her stepdad to show her as well. Both
of you need to try and be more involed with her. This can
help her to see that she is loved, and is an important part of the family. Spiritual health is a huge plus as well.

Answer 8

telling her how much you love her is a good start. but work more on her confidance and help her find something she's talented at to make her feel like there's a reason to love her. sign her up for a beauty pagent or teach her how to play an instrument. whatever you do. try not to get angry at her. i dont mean let her get a way with things. just if she's bad go to another room and calm down then talk sternly to her. rememer for every insult it takes a thousand i love yous to make it better.

Answer 9

only solutions I know of, below.

find a volunteer minister near you. they can show you what you need to do. go to one of their public events

If it helps you to know, I went through all that myself for most of my life until I got older. I've studied psychology, education in many different fields. This stuff is the best.

Sending her to a psychiatrist is extreme. For info on that, I first go to CCHR.org -- get their magazine on how psychs drug children. Get all the info you can. Many psychologists are starting to use Dianetic therapy -- it works better and faster than "modern" psychotherapy techniques. They haven't made much advancement for quite a while.

Answer 10

Looks like it's time to see a Doctor.Make an appointment with her Doctor,see him by yourself.Your little girl doesn't need to hear you talking about this kinda stuff.It looks like she listens to every thing already.Her Doctor can recommend someone to go to.Good Luck.