How can I tell her without hurting her?

Question

I have this friend who is obese. Now she is fully aware that she has a "weight problem" but tends to wear "skinny girl" clothes that makes her look cheap and ridiculous. She has a huge stomach that hangs from under her shirts in public and I sometimes notice ppl snickering and giving her strange looks. Now don't get me wrong, I really dig the fact that she is comfortable in her skin, and I would so hate it if she was one of those depressed chics who feel sorry for themselves and sit around eating themselves to death, but at the same time, she shouldn't be obnocious and naive about her weight either. How can I tell her to cover up a little more without hurting her feelings?

Answer 1

I don't think you should tell her. I know what you mean though, a lot of girls are like that, and it's kind of embarrassing. Maybe next time you clothes shop together, or if you do at all, suggest things that would cover her more, and say you'd look thinner in this, and don't say she's fat just say something like "I know how you're always saying you're fat, but you'd look good in this and a lot thinner" or something along those lines. Good luck, it'll be hard to change her own opinion. Maybe she doesn't think she's fat, a lot of girls say they're fat but are saying it expecting you to tell them they aren't. If she knew she was fat, she wouldn't reveal her skin like that.

Answer 2

Wow is that ever a good, and difficult, question! I think the best approach would be to sit down with her, alone, and let her know that you're concerned that other people may be judging her by her weight instead of getting to know what a wonderful person she is. Make sure that you let her know how difficult it is for you to talk to her about this. Let her know that you're not saying these things to her to be mean, but rather because you really do care about her and don't want to see her get hurt. You could also try taking her on a shopping trip, just the pair of you, and go to some plus size stores to show her how beautiful and mature she can look in the right size of clothes. Most of the staff in plus size stores are very helpful, so I'm sure you could find someone to help the pair of you in your friend's makeover.

Good luck.

Answer 3

You know what you should do because you said it so eloquently in your question...you need to praise her for the fact that she is "comfortable in her skin" and that you love her for who she is. But you do need to step in. Tell her you aren't trying to hurt her feelings but explain in the same way you posed your question that her outfits are a little skimpy and make her stand out in a way that she doesn't want to. Every woman wants to be beautiful and wants people to notice her for who she is, not necessarily for what she is wearing. Especially if what she's wearing is causing her public embarrassment.

You do run the risk of her being mad at you and being defensive about her looks. Don't let that stop you! If she is truly the friend you say she is, she will come around. One day she may even be at a point where she laughs at the way she used to dress. Until then, let her know what you've observed and let the chips fall where they may.

In the meantime, give her a hug! You both need one.

Answer 4

A positive way to handle this would probably be to take her shopping one day at a store you feel would fit her. Try to avoid a store that would have skimpy outfits, etc. Then make some suggestions. Don't get hurt if she says no, and don't try to push too hard.

Another way to do it, is to just do it. If she is a really good friend, she may get upset, but she will appreciate it and still be your friend after. Guys, have little problem telling each other there is something wrong "DUDE! Your freaking pits stink! Get some AXE or something will ya?!", but I have heard it is harder for girls to be that brutally honest with each other.

I am not saying this just to be funny, but you could always try that show "What not to wear!" on the Learning Channel.

http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/whatnottowear/whatnottowear.html

Answer 5

Go shopping with her, pick out some nice clothes that flatter her, but without showing skin, get her to try them on and then tell her how great she looks in clothes like these. And when she does where things that cover her up and look decent, always give her compliments, just say, wow you look nice today. But don't say anything when she wears the other clothes. She will get the message eventually.

Answer 6

you should take her shopping. show her what is cute and what is not cute. get things that are sexy but at the same time bigger like a larger longer shirt which is really popular now a days makes a woman of full figure look skinny and cute. have her wear two layers on small the other one a little bit larger. usually fish nets are very sexy. clothing is very confining and that maybe causing the need to wear less so if you get her to wear baggyier clothe itd be even better

Answer 7

next time you guys go shopping together and are trying on clothes try to find a store with a 360 mirror they have a way of pointing out our faults maybe she will see the error of her own ways and i guess if that doesnt work tell her that you dig the fact that she is proud of herself but that you have seen people laughing and pointing at her behind her back and being a friend you wanted to help her find somthing that fits her better but still helps her feel attractive and that you would want her to do the same for you if people were making fun of you in public its kind of like a piece of food in someones teeth you hate to point it out but you dont want that person to walk around all day with it stuck there

Answer 8

You can always tell it in a joking and playful manner. Like "hey, I can already see your tummy in that shirt!" or "Your clothes seems to be shrinking lately".

And if she still doesn't get it, try confronting her. If you really care about the person you'll tell her the truth. Don't wait for someone else to make fun of her before she realize it. I mean if I was her, I would definitely want to know it from my friend rather than realized it later because people are already calling me names.

Answer 9

I 'know' exactly where you're coming from!!! I don't know if a person can tell, another person, even tactfully, without it hurting that person's feelings, or ego! Perhaps, mention, how 'other' people that you both see, when you're out and about, for example, "...look at that girl, would you be caught 'dead' looking like that!" or something to that effect...or ask her what does she think about someone else's inappropriate outfit(s).I'm sure she 'knows' what she looks like, but, there are times people only see what they want to see. Just try and remain a good friend, sometimes, it can be hard!

Answer 10

You probably will hurt her, but "best friends, they stab you in the face." Know that you are doing it to help her, but be loving about it. When you shop together, perhaps you might leave hints and look at more modest clothes with her. Just remember to be VERY kind and loving.