i have been married 25 years-since high school. My husband left me to be with a much older woman, she is married also. He has lived with her since i caught them 10 mos ago. Our kids love him and i still love him. He has at times seem like he wants to come home and work on us, and at times no.
No one has ever met her (family), wants no one to come out there, he does take care of us (hasnt missed a payment or abandon us) but lately hes very irritated, says dont keep asking when hes coming back home, he needs space, his cell phone got cut off, her house is being foreclosed on soon, he says everyone thinks hes living the great life over there, let him work on things, he has to get his self together, ect.
Do i just back all the way off, my feelings are starting to diminish after all this time. I have loved him thru all this and have put up with the pushaway and mixed signals. Why does he stay there and not just come back home to a family that loves him very much? What hold does she have/
2006-07-09 14:08:28 · 11 answers · asked by still hoping for love 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
One of the best ways to react to a situation as this is to beleive that God will be there for you and help you. You need to first back off of him. You need to pray everyday for him and your family and yourself. Instead of calling and bugging him, call on God he never sleeps nor slumbers. Shout out all your pain, frustration, heart ache to God....do not call your husband...wait for him to call you. You need to reverse the control factor and show him you can love youself wih or without him. It sounds like to me he is headed to destruction in his situation. Do not be negative but positive when dealing wiht him. Silence is Golden...the best way to get someone's attention is to not be predictable...if you have tried pleading and begging him to come back and it is not working...do the opposite. Join a church-go to the movies with the children-take them to the park/mall-focus on anything but how he is gone-bless someone else by helping them out-get busy serving your community-join a club. I know from example that when I focus too much on my husbands dislikes, it destroys me and my mood. I am like a walking zombie...do not do this. Practice making your day happy or you-bubble baths-pedicures-hair styled-new wardrobe-pamper yourself and look your best through all this. Talk to a pastor too and get some friends around you. Tell them you need them right now. Blessings
2006-07-09 14:22:28 · answer #1 · answered by Inspire 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you sitting around waiting on some jerk that's shacking up with another woman? I understand you love him and you have children, but you seem like a together woman. You have more things to offer than you realize. Stop waiting around on a man that doesn't appreciate what he has at home and start focusing on yourself. If nothing else you'll start to feel better about yourself and realize what YOU want. Your marriage isn't just about HIM. He's made the choice to move out and leave you there, so let him go. Don't worry about the signals, the only one you should have is the 'STOP' sign. He's a jerk, he's acting like a jerk, and he will continue to act like a jerk until you stop letting him. Of course he's going to act like he wants to come home. He wants you to be sitting there pining away for him. You deserve better than that. Stop letting him make the decisions, you need to start deciding what you want to do. If you want him back, tell him. If you don't, then tell him to come and get his crap and don't come back. Either way, start living again.
2006-07-09 21:15:54 · answer #2 · answered by tinydancer42001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is IRRESPONSIBLE to you and your children.
Unless he wasn't getting laid (See different story below) he really has NO excuses for his behavior. Don't wait for God to help you. Help yourself, work, work, and work. Just get him out.
This person is way too old to behave like this. He gives all the good RESPONSIBLE men out their a bad name. He is not a man. A man behaves foremost as a father and husband. He's going to destroy those children with his boyish behavior.
It is not your job to love a grown up boy acting irresponsible.
Someday I hope you find a real man.
Different Story: Because you have children I have to say that if you were not taking care of a real man (if you are talking about times you had sex per year as opposed to times we had sex per week) then about 25-years would be about the time he'd fall apart. Then you might have to step up to the plate because you have an obligation to your family and yourself to be the women/lover you should be to him next time he comes home -- If that don't work or apply I stick to my original comments.
2006-07-09 21:37:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I AM GOING THRU A SIMILAR SITUATION, EXCEPT MY HUSBAND DIDN'T MOVE IN WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, INSTEAD HE TOLD ME THAT HE IS CHEATING, BUT WANTS TO BE WITH ME AND THEM TOO. WHATI DID WAS COMPLETELY BACKED OFF. WHEN HE CALLED, I DIDN'T ANSWER UNLESS THE KIDS WERE THERE, AND THEN I WOULD LET THEM ANSWER. IF HE WANTED TO VISIT THEM, I TOLD HIM TO PICK THEM UP FROM SCHOOL. I DID NOT CALL HIM AT ALL FOR NOTHING. NOT EVEN IF MY GIRLS ASKED TO TALK TO HIM, OR IF THEY WENT TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM. HE SOON CAME CRAWLING BACK SAYING HOW MUCH HE MISSED ME AND HOW HE FELTH HE HAD MESSED UP. WHEN U PUSH UP ON HIM, HE KNOWS HE'LL ALWAYS HAVE THAT PLACE TO COME BACK TO. IF YOU STEP BACK, YOU'LL MAKE HIM WONDER, HAS SHE MOVED ON AND GOTTEN OVER ME. I'M NOT SAYING IT WAS EASY, BUT IT'S YOUR SANITY WE'RE TALKING BOUT, MAKE IT EASY. SOMETIMES YOU OUGHTA JUST GET DRESSED, DROP THE KIDS OFF AT THE SITTERS AND GO OUT, EVEN IF IT IS JUST TO A FRIEND'S HOUSE, LEAVE THE HOUSE. MAKE HIM WONDER. DON'T ALWAYS BE SO AVAILABLE TO HIM. IF HE CALLS, DON'T ANSWER. HE'LL BE OKAY, IT'S HIM THAT OWES YOU EVERYTHING. YOU OWE HIM NOTHING. I'M SORRY THIS IS SO LENGTHY, BUT THIS IS PERSONAL, AND I KNOW HOW I FELT (AND STILL FEEL) WHEN IT WAS HAPPENING TO ME. GOOD LUCK GIRL, AND I HOPE YOU MAKE A GOOD DECISION.
2006-07-09 21:44:06 · answer #4 · answered by trinamac98 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
divorce him now
why do ytou even give him the options
you enable him
forget about what ever the other woman has on him
you need to focus on getting an attorney to sue him and sue him nowhe's needs his space issue is bunk
he's doing nothing more than buying time to make the perfect new life
the best thing you can do it to wreck his life financially
and drag him thorugh the courts
2006-07-09 21:57:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
let those feeling diminish and move on he will come back but when he dose it will be to late take this time to get your self together like he is so called doing.be blessed not stressed you where his blessing but god can give them he wont make you take them
2006-07-09 21:30:17 · answer #6 · answered by midnight red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to Familyradio.com for an outline of this type of situation and what the Bible says about it.
May the Lord be merciful on you
2006-07-09 21:57:24 · answer #7 · answered by Lee G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it maybe hurtful but try to move on that's the best thing, ask me I know.
2006-07-09 21:23:28 · answer #8 · answered by sweetLynn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why buy the cow when you can get cream for free?
2006-07-09 21:12:47 · answer #9 · answered by herbst01k23h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust in god. He WILL give you the anwser you need. trust in god. he loves you and your husband.
2006-07-09 22:02:50 · answer #10 · answered by funyakkers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋