Who has a limerick I haven't heard?

Question

Here's one..
There once was a gnu in a zoo,
Who tired of the same daily view.
To seek a new site,
He stole out one night,
But where he went nobody knew.

What great limericks! I haven't heard lots of these, and I love them, ya'll! Here is one of mine!
A flatulent actor named Bartin,
Had a lifestyle exceedingly spartan.
Till a playwright one day,
Wrote a well-received play,
With a part in which Bartin could fartin.
and another!
There was a young man from St. Martin,
Who saved all his odors from fartin.
If it passed through his crack,
It went straight in a sack,
And mistakes were all kept in a carton.

Well, everybody deserves 10 pts! These were some GREAT limericks! I'll have to let the voters choose,but special mentions to Kevlar,butterscotch,statch,celery,blu ray,cdf-rom,antyksa,fifi le pou, and maggie3. They were all great, ya'll and wish I could give 10 pts. to all of you. Thanks for some great laughs!! Peace!

Answer 1

So you ask for a limerick you've never heard?
Why I've never heard a request more absurd!
You gotta be nuts to sit by
And hope someone will reply
Sounds to me like some kinda nerd!

Just kidding!

Answer 2

Little Jack Horner stood in the corner
Watching the girls go by,
Along came a beauty
He yelled, "hi there cutie!"
And that's how he got his black eye

One night whilst sitting all alone
Abandoned by women and men
Murmuring over and over
I'll never eat garlic again!

A sea-serpent saw a large tanker
Bit a hole in her side and then sank her
It ate all the crew
In a minute or two
And then picked it's teeth with the anchor

There once was a young girl from Gloucester
Whose parents both thought they had lost her
From the fridge came a sound
And at last she was found
But the trouble was how to defrost her

I know loads of these but most of them are rude....

Answer 3

Here's a couple of them

There once was a girl from Old Natchez
Whose clothes were always in patchez.
When comment arose
On the state of her clothes,
She drawled, "When I itchez I scratchez!!"

Little Jack Horner sat with the coroner
Picking through the guts of a bum.
Said Jack, "it's times like these I get down on my knees
And thank God I didn't eat that plum!"

Answer 4

There was a young lady named Claire
Who had a magnificient pair
Or so I thought, until I saw one get caught
On a thorn and begin losing air.

A masculine girl from Khartoum
Asked a feminine boy to her room
They spend the whole night
In a helluva fight
As to which should do what and to whom

Answer 5

There was a woman with 3 boys.
She said , pick up your toys.
They did not comply, and I will not Lie, they thought they were going to Die!
She changed into a Being, they were not believing, and she threw away all of the toys!
They went to sleep with kisses and woke with worried remisses.
The toys were back and Mom was back and they never again messed with the Missus!

Answer 6

There once was a woman named Alice.
Who used a stick of dynamite for a phallus.
They found her v@g1na
In South Carolina
And her a$sh0le at Buckingham Palace!

Answer 7

My Dad who was a child in the 20's, gave me this one from that era:
"Soundy Groundy"

Soundy Groundy:
Born on Sunday
Christened on Monday
Married on Wednesday
Took ill on Thursday
Worse on Friday
Died on Saturday
Buried on Sunday
And that was the week of Soundy Groundy.

Answer 8

There once was a man from Eeling
Who had an expectorant feeling
The sign on the door
Said don't spit on the floor
So he looked up and spat on the ceiling

Answer 9

A sad little Gand known as Zuckuss
Always was causing a ruckus
He'd hunt all around
But sobbed when he found
How Boba Fett had kicked his tuckus

Answer 10

Up in the sky there's a bird
Falling down from the sky is a turd
It hit me very hard
Now my mind is scared,
Its a limerick you have not heard