I've been married 5 yrs. I am very attracted to my wife and she tells me she is attracted to me and she is always telling me how much she loves me and I am very happy about that part of our relationship. BUT she simply doesn't understand or even seem to care about how important sex and eroticism is to me. I've told her how I would LOVE it if she would initiate something out of the blue but it just never happens! I've thought about stepping outside my marriage but don't won't to do that. Is there any solution???
2006-07-09 14:04:37 · 15 answers · asked by ccboy73 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK. I thought this part was clear...I have talked to her about it many many many times! I'm not looking for her to change completely. I just want her to initiate it every now and then. Just for her to show some passion for God sake!
2006-07-09 14:29:32 · update #1
Hmmm... sounds like she is shy, but maybe try this.
First, stop having sex with her. Take care of yourself in the shower or something; if she has a low sex drive, you have to wait for her to have an appetite.
Second, after maybe two weeks of abstinence, find a quiet time and get affection with her. Give her some soft kisses, tease her a little with a few 'accidental' brushes, and then stop.
Third, make lots of eye contact, smile and wait for her to make her move.
Good luck!
2006-07-09 15:02:15 · answer #1 · answered by Marilyn Monroe 1 · 14⤊ 3⤋
You already told her,
I take it no kids are involved.
If your request are not out of line She's just being selfish (as long as you are being reasonable).
If the marriage is worth something I wouldn't step out on her but I would defiantly separate.
When/if she calls tell her we're going to be partners and look out for each other or I'm done. A partnership means 50/50 that includes initiating going down and orgasms. If that's not a good deal for her then she shouldn't be married to anyone. If that's not enough for you go live in a whore-house.
Either way you win, don't live a sexless life with a selfish b****.
It's not worth it.
2006-07-09 21:19:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've expressed how important the emotional part of the relationship is, now you need to express to her how important the physical part is. Find out why she's not showing interest. Offer solutions, not judgements. Is it just stress of the day that makes her shut down? Try something really romantic and intimate. How about a candle lit bubble bath for two? Feeds her need for romance and shows her that there is going to be some nudity involved. You're half way there.
2006-07-09 21:10:06 · answer #3 · answered by tinydancer42001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't elaborate...do you have young children, does your wife work fulltime AND has to keep the house. Did she come from a background where women 'submitted' to their husbands. There are so many variables. But telling her, and keep on telling her is a good start. You have to remember, generally women are sexually stimulated in their minds while men are sexually stimulated by sight.
It is very normal for a woman's libido to change during her lifetime (depending on the needs of her family). Do you plan on being married for a while? Then keep telling her. The dynamics of your marriage will change and you will both find a comfortable and mutually satisfying sex life.
2006-07-09 21:15:10 · answer #4 · answered by vbrink 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stepping out come on now that is just stupid. she must not have a high sex drive, you know my husband tells me the same thing about initating stuff but I don't know I find that really hard to do it seems like my way of catching his attention isn't soming on to him but wearing something sexy and waiting for him to come and get it I almost never go after him I am not sure y I am just not comfortable I guess. All you can do is just keep working on it, make her feel as comfortable as you can and if you step out she will never come around. By the way I have been married for 9 years and sometimes there are just slow sex times ecspecially with kids involved it is hard for a women to go from mom to wife!
2006-07-09 21:12:50 · answer #5 · answered by unhappyinin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some women are shy about that.....some were raised that the man should be the "dominant" one....the one to initiate all the s*x acts.......will she sit there and talk to u about it? Will she watch videos or read erotica with u? If she will, then read/watch things w/ women taking control......and tell her how turned on u are by it........
2006-07-09 21:10:39 · answer #6 · answered by honey_bear_21_1999 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear ya brother! I'll be watching this one for helpful hints. and ladies, yes, I do work around the house as well as take care of the kids and let her have nights off along with working full time while she stays home. I cook, I clean, I do laundry/iron, etc. so don't give that answer please.
2006-07-09 23:35:58 · answer #7 · answered by Dante 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there are babies or small ones. She probably is exhausted to do erotic thing.
So, maybe you ought to be old school romantic and have a weekend getaway. Hopefully, this will encourage her to get her groove on.
2006-07-09 21:10:22 · answer #8 · answered by SLOWTHINKER 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay you never have sex?thats kinda weard,most guys would have already cheated.my advice just tell her how you feel,maybe she just does not like,therec are people who don't like sex believe or not,but you are a guy and you will get the urge to cheat if yall can't work it out.
2006-07-09 21:11:55 · answer #9 · answered by dede2772 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get away and attend a marriage enrichment conference weekend together.
2006-07-09 21:24:58 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋